El Comienzo (2)

"This is your partner."

A nod. Smiles exchanged. He made a sheepishly cute gesture. He's no more than a boy. Tall, but young. Sixteen. She walked up and gave him her right hand, left hand resting on his shoulder.


"Now, let us start with the basic..."

Back, front, side, hips down... *twist a figure of 8
Front, back, side, hips down... *another reversed figure of 8
Repeat, and spot....turn. Back to close position.


Looked, looked again, tried with her partner. Got the steps right.
And again. This time, trying out both the steps and the technique. Back, front...
"Pull your body upright all the time, chest out..."

Nodded. And again, Back, front, side, hips.....down.
"Don't set your weight down on your hips before the beat. Hold it a little longer..."
"Boy, bend your legs a little. And remember the HIPS! This is not the Cha Cha."


And repeat. Underarm turn. Spot....turn... swayed a little...
"Watch your footing... Don't sway, don't stagger..."

And again. Spot... turn... still not a nice, swift turn.
"Keep your balance... I know it's hard on a 2 and a half inch especially when you are new. But try to work on keeping a sure landing of your foot all the time..."

And again and again. Spot... turn... land... hips down.
"Better... Keep this up. " A smile.

She let out a breathe, smiled back.


Teacher is always so patient in teaching them. In Teacher's patience, she could grow at ease of her own pace. And she was grateful for that. Afterall, she was a late beginner at the age of 18, unlike the other children. Moreover, she doesn't have any other basics to start with. She knew Teacher would understand that very well. But again, she wanted to do better, and still, to always improve.


"Now the Hand to Hand..."
"The Fan..."
" The Rhumba Walk..."
"The New York..."


So much to learn. Gotta work hard work hard. She was determined. Flung her hair back, wiped the sweat on her forehead. And again she tried. To be sure of each step, each move in the routine. To polish up her technique. To keep her feet's interaction with the floor. To glide along on point rather than lifting her feet even the slightest. To coordinate with her partner's steps...

And the most important Cuban Motion. Have to execute that well. It's like the soul of a nice Rhumba dance. Essential.


There's so much more to dancing than just steps...
And she knew she gotta work hard at it.

El Comienzo (1)

Finally, she was back. Took a deep breath, rang the bell. A little boy opened the door.
"Thank you."

Soft flowing curtains, glass partition doors. Pictures hung on the walls. A long black sofa in a corner, little cushion chairs around. Comfortably homely.

Faces; some familiar, some never seen before. They looked up, smiled, greeted, talked. Friendly faces, warm smiles. She felt so at home.
This is where I want to belong.


Guiro rhythm distantly sounding. The unmistakable 5/4 beat of the Cha Cha. That was the first dance she'd learnt. How long had that been? A year maybe?
Gosh, it's been such a long time. And I miss it so. She sighed.


Her gaze fell beyond the glass door. Watched her seniors chasse across the floor. Straight, slender legs. Dancer's body. Sleek, sharp moves. She watched in awe.
One day, I'm going to glide like them.

"Rhumba, over here..."

Took out her glittery dance shoes and strapped them on. Two and a half inch.

She strode past the glass door along with the others. A row of tall mirrors greeted her. Parquette floor. A Barré against the wall.

A pretty figure standing in front, back facing the mirrors. The familiar face, the ever-charming smile. She knew it so well.

"Hey teacher..."

"You're back..." A glitter in her eyes.

It's Coming...

Christmas is officially over.
Christmases are yet to come.
It's never the same again. At least not just yet in the next few years.

Father,

May every Christmas to come be full of Your blessings.

The rainy season had started.
Storms are yet to come.
It's going to be hard. At least I ain't gonna see it stop just so soon yet.

Father,

I'm preparing my heart. Grant us strength.

The road is coming to an end.

The journey had yet to start.

It's going to be long. At least long enough for the heart to grow fonder.

Father,

I need Your help. See us through.

Yet again,

The prayers will never end.

It's going to be alright in His presence...

Remember,

there are three things that endure,

and the greatest of all...

It never leaves you.

*Just close your eyes, and I'll be
there. *

I'm Still Learning...

I might be
at times whinning,
at times biting;
Noisily annoying.

I'm sorry
for all the hard times I'd given you;
Give me time,
For in your ever-forgiving patience,
I learn to grow.

One day,

I'll grow into a better Me,

the daughter you and I would wish to see.

*********

I might be
at times unexpressive,
at times quiet,
many times a dummy.

Forgive me,
Still a novice in the domain;
Give me time,
For in your ever-loving ways,
I learn the depths of Love.

Someday,

I'll show you my heart,

and all that you'd wish to find within.

Now, and always,

Together

let us be walking, in the shadows of the Cross;

Learning, His words;

Growing, in His holy light;

Rejoycing, His Love for us and in us;

Praising, for His blessings;

Glorifying Lord in every way.

Y de nuevo, te amo.

*And again, I love you.*

Shine Your Light On Me

Let the light, from the lighthouse,

let it shine on me!

I wonder, I wonder, if the light,

from the lighthouse,

would shine on me?

Here is my thought,

this is my plea!

Lord let your holy light shine on me.

I wonder will you, hear my prayer?

I know I'm not worthy,

but I need your help!

Lord shine your light, shine it this way,

Shine it so I can see which way to take.

My faith is in you,

to bring me through,

I have one question...

I wonder, I wonder,

if the light, from the lighthouse,

would shine on me?

And so I pray for your guidance, O Lord,

Let me walk the path of what is right,

Let me hold on to what I believe;

Not foolishly adamant,

but in the light of your words,

With the strength that comes from you,

dear Father.

I surrender to you now all that comes from you,

Lord shine your holy light upon me,

upon us,

and upon everyone else that needs You.

In Jesus most holy name I pray,

Amen.

¡Hola, Bonita!

*****BEWARE!!!*****

A Beauty coming your wayyyyyyy!!!!!

***

*********

*******************

*********

***

TADAA!!!!!!

Chill babe... Hang on a while...

Take a deep breath;

Here we go...

Whoa look!!!

A watch!!!

* Watches are Jiyi's best friends just as diamonds are a girl's best friends..*

Lolx...

Let's have a closer look!!! Zoom in, camera!!!

See the love-shaped clock-face?

It's oh-so-adorable!!!

Awwww...

Thanks so much!!!

***

One more beauty to add to my watch collection!!!

And a hyper memorable one too!!!

YAY!!!

*You're right, I AM lucky*

Nite nite, my dearie!!!

The End; Another Beginning

Waltz or not Waltz?
Sigh, I'm torn between. The sem break's ending soon, it's not really a good idea to continue with Waltz, cuz I might not be able to finish the beginner's level in time. And I HATE unfinished routines and lessons. But I oh-so-badly wanted to learn!!! And there's Samba too. Crep... so much to do, so less time left.


Time Time TIME.
It's always the problem of time. I'm always running, running and running after time. Exhausted yet still chasing. But still, I'm so short of time. Please, please. I NEED more time. Just a little more and I could have done more, I could have moved even closer.

If only I had more time.

And now, this lack of time is drawing me nearer and nearer to the death of my dreams. I'm helpless, so helpless. Tell me what could I do when I'm so running out of time?!
Nooo!!! It can't be. I'll never let it end like this, and pass to a state of grim nonexistence. Never.


But I guess what is supposed to come, will come; no matter how much I dreaded it. And again, this is not the only story that goes that way.

I should have known, the day you'll wave me goodbye...

It's time I learn. To learn to accept, when there's no way of changing what fate brings. I might well be frustrated, I might well be heartbroken; but still, have to accept and to make the best of everything.


You told me that after the death of dreams there'll be a rebirth of dreams. Yea, I'll keep your words in mind. I'm not throwing out the flames, I'm just keeping the fire low. Till the chance comes by one day.
There'll be the day.
There's still hope.

One day, all my dreams will come true.

First Week Of December

Been a bit busy over lotta stuffs this week...so many things that happened, I'm juz gonna sum up the week:

Monday

Went for driving lesson no 2 early in the morning. Learnt to go uphill. *it's not exactly a hill, juz a 20 degrees bukit...* But it's damn hard to master, mind you. The worst part keeping your left and right feet totally still, and pull the handbrake up and release it down again, without moving one other muscle. The theory is, keep your upper body detached from your lower body, so whatever your upper body does, your lower body does not follow... err....if you know what I'm crapping about. Lolx...

Never mind that, the point is, I don't really like driving. (restricted movements of legs, unefficient blood circulation, hot weather, crappy mood...etc etc) I'd much rather have a personal driver to drive me around, while I sit back and close my eyes... wakakaka...

Neways, gotta work work work work HARD!!!!! CANNOT FAIL CANNOT FAIL CANNOT FAIL...


Tuesday

Driving lesson no 3. Bukit again, plus the Three-point-turn. Today I did much better, especially at the bukit. Whew... Jiyi is finally getting the hang of it. Lolx. But I'm seriously "BURNT" today!!! ARGH... It's a torture to drive under the buring sun of 1pm - 3pm!!! The sun shines straight thru the opened car window and after the 2 hours of lesson, OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG!!! I'm darker by a few shades!!! Wahhhh.......NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!


Wednesday

Had a real good day out today. Just wanna say, I'm really happy with every single little thing today, even if I have to sacrifice some of my sleeptime... haha... And every past problems are resolved all together this day. This day, there's no more tears, no more sadness, no more sleepless nights... I pray this will carry on forever.
I'm feeling like the luckiest gal on earth. And surely you know why...


Friday

A tired tired day. But everything's worth it. *wink*
Ran around Ipoh Parade for 5 hours. Up and down, east and west. Rummaged thru almost every single shop... Lolx...
Mission: In search of the ideal Christmas gift/gifts!!! *Oh, and not to forget, a nice Christmas card too! *
Note: Hope you'll like it...!!!


Saturday

Went swimming!!! ^_^ Such a long time I haven't had a nice swim already. And this is in my apartment pool!!! It's just like a private swimming pool. (minus the Malay kiddies at the other far end) So calm, so clean, so serene, so blissful...

What's better than a nice, cozy day as this?


Sunday

The long awaited dancing lessons again! Okay, so I know I'm still quite a noob, but I'm already working on it, very very HARD!!! Sigh... I would give anything to be able to dance like a pro.
It's Rhumba today...basic steps, Hand to Hand, Fan and Rhumba Walk...
The lesson was fun!!! but then again, dancing is always fun... Looking forward to the next lesson!!!
Oh, and I might have the chance to learn Waltz also!!! Wow!!! Ballroom dancing! I haven't learnt any dances in that field before! Hope I can have the chance soon... and when can I learn my favourite Tango? (lolx... advice to myself: Girl, you need to take one step at a time!)

*Dreading having to go back to Shah Alam... sigh...

Hope the new week ahead could be just as great, if not better!!!

Till the next time...

Nighty-nitez!

禰的恩赐

有一些东西，是一生一世都不会忘记的。


一定要记住快乐的感觉。你也一样。当以后即使有不快乐的时候，也可以回味一下。那便也笑了，呵呵，呵呵。希望会是当时那一种同样的快乐。该多好。

May happiness always be with him, Father.

那气息是一种很奇妙的东西。早已不在了，还是可以记得起。仿佛仍在五蕾上没有消失过。

会牢记那一种很希望时间会静止不动的……啊，当时的夜空多美。那空气里弥漫的……多让人惦念。只是时间没有停止过。还是那样地走；留也留不住。
那只有挥手说再见。挥手呀挥手， 像送船一样地挥手。没关系，都已镶在记忆的框框里了。
还记得当时说了什么吗？
还记得那一首歌吗？
还记得那些走过的每一个脚步吗？

I remember, it's beautiful, Father.

上帝给我有很多的安排。只是我暂时不知道而已。我相信祂会庇佑我的，一如祂爱护所有神的儿女。
我祈祷不用再这样掉眼泪了。但求从今能有多一些快乐。你也一样。

Take away the tears, Father.

恩赐。已是最大的恩赐。一样是你。

世界每一分每一秒都在改变。是有些东西却不会改变。是我坚守的。永远相信的。
早已烙印在心中……

I thank thee for thy great blessings, Father.

A blessing. Now, and forever.

****************

The Samba

Had a bad dream yesterday. Woke up shivering from fear, tears flowing down my cheeks. Was still kinda shaken from it. Been so long I haven't had a bad dream. But then again, I never wanted to have bad dreams... and surely not dreams like these.


Whew, but I felt better after practising my dance today. Dancing always helps me to forget all my unhappy feelings, it helps clear my mind; it somehow gives me strength and happiness. I really do love dancing, with all my heart.
So now, I should really gear myself up a little to face the big day. Lolx...


So I forced myself to focus more on the Samba today. It's quite hard for me, cuz I'd never really learnt much of it, unlike the Cha Cha or the Rhumba which I am more familiar with. So for the whole 2 hours, I replayed my favourite Samba song "Que El Ritmo No Pare" by Patricia Manterola and danced to it. It is an excellente song with a nice Samba beat to it... 1 uh 2, 3 uh 4, 5 uh 6, 7 uh 8. 3 steps formed to 2 beats.
And it left me so exhausted (but still, happy) at the end
of the day. ^_^




The Samba is a Brazilian dance, which is normally a carnival dance. It is a dance that is supposed to excite people and to bring people into a trance. (Not that I could do that though) The dancer has to try for a flirting, exaggeratedly happy interpretation in this dance. And Samba is mostly expressed with hip movements. Swift, exaggerated hip movements. It's somewhat a bit similar to belly dance.


I guess I need more time and loads more practise to execute the personality of the dance well. Wish me luck.

If Only I Could

The Big Day ----- 30 NOVEMBER 2008 (SUNDAY) is coming!!! The much anticipated one, but much dreaded as well...



Why? It's not just another dance lesson, this time I'm not learning alone, it's with all the other gals for the Ladies Event!!! All younger than me, but all seniors of mine. So I'm the most novice among them... argh... and Sifu asked me not to fret?! How could I not fret when they had already learnt the Samba for the past month and I only have an hour of lesson to catch up with their progress?!



And I'm supposed to do the men's steps. Swt... I woulda prefer to dance the ladies' steps, I've been doing it all through my solos so it's easier for me to get the hang of it, but this was what Sifu told me :" 鬼叫你生得这么高meh？！不似我一样“娇小玲珑”。一定是跳男步的啦！哈哈……"



....................... *speechless*



It's the first time I feel kinda sad that I am err... tall. But then again, I'm not really THAT tall, am I? I'm just around 165cm... (Hey, and I was always wishing to grow taller, at least 170cm.) Okay, but I admit that the last time I joined the group of dancers at the studio, I do look like a hovering giant among the other gals (even guys) when I am in heels, which added 3 inches to my height.



But hey, no fair!!! Tall girls can’t dance as girls?! Sob...



Okay, fine. Actually I don't really mind it anyway, just hope that I won't get all messed up criss-crossing between genders... lolx...



But there's another problem. I have been so lagging behind. Not practising enough. I had tried hard to steal some time off my books and practise in the badminton hall, but it's so difficult when the hall's always full, plus there is always never-ending exams and revisions waiting for me. And also, I'll be dead if I got caught wearing my practise clothes in the hall. *grins* But if I stick to the dresscode, I won't be able to see if my legs had moved the right way. Sigh... Sifu said to execute the moves well, practice should be done at least 1 hour daily, but for me, managing to nail 2 hours per week is already a major victory.



So how am I going to face Sifu...? Sure thing her experienced eyes would notice my lack of practise even when I start to lift just one foot. And you know, the last thing I wanted is to disappoint her. To let her think that I'm not taking dancing seriously. I wanted badly to answer her question, the one she asked me a few months ago. I wanna tell her confidently and sincerely, that dancing is really something I WANT. Not only that, I wanna show her. I wish to see the same proud smile on her face, the one that had inspired me so much, that had brough me so far all these time. I want to live up to her words.

If only I could.


I'll continue praying hard to God in this. May God answer my prayer, give me strength to strive hard in whatever circumstances, strengthen my heart dear Father. Take away my fear and insecurities; instead, grant me confidence and determination. Secure me with your guidance, oh Lord. Lead me to achieve my dreams one day. Amen.

Este Sentimiento

I wonder... What would this feeling be?

When you see an empty bench by the field.

When you see a children's slide in the playground.

When you see a wobbly shed in the park.

When you see the lights of a distant building.

When you look down from the top of a platform...

in the quietness of the night.

A throne!

A castle!

A mansion!

A tower!
... Our kingdom!

So... where's the prince and princess?

And so I will. *grins*

Hear me, oh Lord

Somebody help me. Please. I really don't know what to do. I really don't. It's such a helpless feeling...

I don't want this to happen. This is my home. Please God, please. I pray hard to thee, please hear my prayers, oh merciful Lord. Stop those heartless people, Father Lord, please not take away my home from me. It is everything to me. Place some heart in them, I pray.

I can't bear to see her cry. No, No, No. Why should I always see tears. Go away, go away. All the sadness all the tears all the pain all the worries. Please go away. I'm already so so so exhausted.

No, I'm not grumbling. I'm not demanding. Never would I breathe a word of dissatisfied with this life that God granted me. I accept every part of God's plans wholeheartedly, however hard it is on me. This is just what mom always taught me since young. To give thanks to Lord for every breath that I take. For every moment of our lives, however tough and however stormy it might be.

But then again, I really don't want to see her cry. I don't want to see her sad. It pains my heart so much. And how hard it is having to show everyone a smile on my face when my heart's already weeping, to act the tough one when my heart's so fragile it's gonna shatter to pieces... Sometimes, it really is tiring.

It's all right if I'm tired, but I don't want her to. Dear Lord, if so, I'd rather be the one to bear all these sufferings; please spare her from this endless turmoil.

Please Lord, I pray to thee, free us from this turmoil. Grant us peace of mind. I pray for strength, especially in her, to get through. Hear our prayers, as I surrender all to thee. Have mercy on us... and I pray that you guide us through all the hard times like this.
In Jesus most holy name I pray, Amen.

What Sem Break Means?

So, do you know what sem breaks mean to me?


Here we go...



1. Dancing, dancing and more dancing!!!

Finally, Sifu, here I come!!!
OMG I've been yearning for the long holidays to come all these time. I juz can't let myself carry on like that, as in not progressing in my dance and all. It makes me feel like such a procrastinator. I'm wasting my time. If it goes on like that, my dreams will never be achieved.


Routines---basic steps, locks, spins, swivels, chasses, splits, rolls, time steps, underarm turns, sliding doors, cucurachas, spot turns and all... Wow, I've got so much to catch up on. To learn new routines, to brush up my old ones.


Skill, posture, style, emotion, expression, interaction with the floor etc... too bad I don't have a partner just yet. It'll be easier to learn with one. Bigger progress compared to doing solo. Sigh... But guess I should juz have to put up with my current situation.


I'm in a standstill now, so lotta catching up to do. (stress, stress, stress) Not improving much either on my old routines, so Sifu, please be patient with me!



2. Time to have some fun!!!

Yupz, what's holiday without having fun?! Have lotta plans up my sleeves.

- Indulge myself on a shopping spree... that's a must must. ^-^
- Online as long as I want. Have a whole list of songs I wanna download, a whole lot of movies I wanna stream...
- Go jogging and swimming and playing ping pong, badminton, basketball... or juz running about burning calories. Gotta work those abs and lose some fat. And who says sports aren't fun? (though I'm not particularly good in them)
- Wake up as late as 12 noon!!! Seriously, that's some luxury that not anyone else can have, you know...
- Stay in bed reading a book... Luxurious!!! Fantastico!!!
- Eat anything I want. I've been making a mental list of food I wanna eat when sem break is in. (Juz hope it won't add inches to my waist!!!) Yum yum, juz at the prospect of thinking about it...



3. Blogging as much as I can.


See why I'm here almost everyday? Since lotta extra time lately, so I can utilize them fully by uh... ranting here. Sorry people, hafta bear with mua... *winks*




4. Work my Spanish.


Estudio, estudio, estudio español!
Something to do if I have the resources. And when I am in a NERDy mood, but didn't want to face chemistry juz yet. Gonna get a good Spanish book when I have the money.



5. Just spend time with you...

You, you, you and you... *grins*

Have a lot more but...

Tata for now!!!

Till the next time...

*******************

Uh-oh...

NOOOOOOOOO!!!!! ARGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm in a crappy mood rite now... so people, BEWARE.

You're right, I should really get a life. Yupz... I'll try... after I finish ranting over here. lolx.
Sorry for being such a jerk at times. But I admit it... I'm really kinda hard to handle, sometimes. Thanks a zillion for bearing with me all the times when I grow teeth and get snappy... Maybe I should try to be a more demure gal...hahax... (urm, if I could)


So, accomplishments for today...

1. Realised that I've gotten FAT FAT FAT!!!!! after the friggin exam period...NO!!!!!!

2. My guitar skills had been awoken from it's long slumber. Yawnnnnn........

3. Managed to steal some time to do a little breaking feat. Step Up 2 The Streets... Thank God I could still pull off some of my power moves. But oh no, these rusty bones are damn creaking all the way... sigh... post-exam trauma.

4. Rumba-ed and Samba-ed after that... before getting totally EXHAUSTED. (uh-oh, gotta rebuild my stamina)

5. Watched loads of MV feat. J.Lo. Long time no see, mi esposa!!!

6. Updated my special diary... *wink*


* Rest of the time spent missing my hyper huggable dear teddy bear... lolx...



See? I'm in a better mood now. Maybe you're rite, I do recover very fast. Sometimes, I really think that you know me more than I do myself.

Guess I'm really a DUMMY...

But that doesn't really matter.

I have you with me. ^-^

**************************

I Want...

Finally!!! Friggin exams are over... urm... at least for now.
At least now I could clear a little space in my mind, to lighten the burden my heart had been carrying for so long. This poor little heart of mine.
I'm already exhausted. A whole week's worth of tiredness and all is getting to me now, real hard.

I don't wanna think about exams. It's pretty much kinda screw-able. Juz gotta pass the cut-off point and get it over with. Perfect scores, gold medals... nah, that's not what I really want anyway.


"We girls have absolutely no idea what we want..." ~~~ Holly


That's not true. I know what I want.

I want You...

Perdonar...

灯火阑珊驱不走你的影子。影，明明灭灭，晃动。


我来到了岸边，看，汹涌澎湃的浪。张舞爪牙。


呵呵、呵呵。魔鬼的笑声。有人说魔鬼总戴着美丽的容颜，背着罪恶的沉沦。
我想是真的。


“我们都是罪人。”


像是世上有些人，往往会错了又错。


那海的声音，是要用心去聆听的。纵使；它只会是个让你心碎的悲伤故事。


我睁着眼看；看这个世界的残酷。


是故有些夜晚，总是特别难眠。


~ "Forgive us our sins, just as we forgive those who sin against us" ~


学着原谅吧！

惦念 ； 忘记

~ 那些日子，很让人怀念。当时的我们，也许还只是单纯的孩子。多好。当时多好。

~ 那些批零普隆的日子。 那些不管三七二十一的时候。

~ 孩儿们的嬉闹声，多久了，听不见。

~ 泪儿呀，你怎总这么任性？

~ 多久了？我想都忘了笑的感觉。都忘了快乐的感觉。

~ 成长。我们都在成长。

~ 惦念是一种阻碍。得快些把一切忘记。

~ 我不要当个长不大的孩儿。虽然，偶尔还会惦念当时的无忧无虑。惦念当时的笑闹，那些比阳光还要灿烂的------

~ 回不去了。那，便别想了。

~ 不在了。不再了。

~ 那些日子，那些快乐……

~ 忘记。~

**************

Amarte Es Todo

Y llegas sin decirme nada
Vienes envuelto en el silencio
Vienes detras de una mirada
O en el temor de un beso
Detras de las pequenas cosas que
Me hacen sentir la emocion de creer
Entras en mi tan sutilmente
Invisible como el aire mismo
Me asaltas y jamas me adviertes que
es el amor el que abraza esta piel, esta piel

Amarte asi es pleno y es total
Amarte es todo
Amarte asi es locura y libertad
Amarte es todo
Amarte hasta llenar mi vida
de suenos y de fantasias
Amarte asi me da seguridad

Y quien puede contra tu boca
Que me hace hasta pedir auxilio
Y quien puede con tus detalles que
me hacen vivir y sentirme mujer, mujer

*****

Un Paseo Para Recordar

Too many things on my mind lately, sorry for not updating my blog for so long. Throughout this month, too many things had happened; too quick, too out of my control, too unexpected... It wasn't where I intended to be, initially. But no, baby, I have no regrets. Why, when I'm already feeling like the luckiest girl in the world.


Maybe everything is supposed to be part of God's plan. Praise the Lord. I thank Thee for the blessings showered upon me... Every single moment spent together, I take it as the most wonderful blessing ever in my life. Trying as hard as I could to remember every little thing; trying to capture the moments, carefully wraping up the memories and frame them in my mind...


You see, when things wouldn't last forever, they would just make you treasure them more. Coz you wouldn't know, when will it be the last...


Just leave me when you need to.


Don't worry dear, I'll be all right.
*As God gave me the strength to love, He shall give me the strength to endure...*


As I said, I'll assure you that this'll, gonna be a walk to remember... ^-^


Cheerio. Hasta luego!

¿Sabes?

No voy a lloras.

Por yo comprenderme es debilidad en tu ojos.

Yo te querio tanto, aunque mi corazon tu despedazar, pero yo no tengo miedo, quiero enamorarme todavia. Si tu amor pensar no me merezco, no me ames, pero yo hacer siempre te amo.

¿Sabe usted?

Mi solamente querer enamorada tu...

***

Y de nuevo...

?One week of holiday's coming to an end... awww, ain't it fast? And again, I'm procrastinating. This whole week's filled with gatherings, shopping trips, dramas, spanish songs, and J.Lo... (err...I'm really sorry, my books, sorry for not spending much time with you all, I'll make up for it, somedays ^-^)

Currently very much obssesed over mua pretty Jennifer Lopez. lol... She's pretty as porcelain. And I do so adore her voice!!! Especially when she sings Spanish songs... it's amazingly electroculating!!! Haha... do I sound like some kind of siao fanatic?! Can't help it...lol...

Last day of my holiday, so, what shall I do now to fill the time meaningfully?

Okay.

I'll listen to the Como Ama Una Mujer album for the ???th time... *grin*

Buenas noches, mis amigos!

Dos Dias

Two more days before I'm officially legal... omg, I suddenly feel so old. I'll be 18 so soon. So soon. Two more days left for being 17. What should I do for these last two days?

Emo, emo... I'm emo-ing. Maybe, maybe this emoness can last me two days...

Had loadful of dreams that I had so wanted to achieve before I turned 18. And yet, up till now, it seems like not one of them had I achieved yet. I've procrastinated through my whole 18 years of life. So find me a reason not to be sad?! Estoy triste.

I wish:
- To enter latin dance competitions before I'm 18.
- To fly on an airplane before I'm 18.
- To have half a million in my bank account before I'm 18.
- To be as tall as 170m before I'm 18.
- To meet my wives in person before I'm 18.

* there's more but I can't think of it at the moment...*

Part of me is looking forward to being 18, and part of me is dreading it. And this emotion turmoil is choking me. ¡Ayúdame!

Whatever. I'll just leave everything for tomorrow to decide for me. I guess God will arrange all my tomorrows for me. I just need to live through today. And so I will.

In the meantime, guess I'll just keep emo-ing... :p
Buenas noches.

No Me Ames

Dime porque lloras

Why are you crying?

De felicidad

Because I'm happy.

Y porque te ahogas

Why are you so choked up?

Por la soledad...

From loneliness...

Di porque me tomas fuerte asi mis manos, y tus pensamientos te van llevando?

Why are you squeezing my hand so tight, and your mind seems to be wandering?

Yo te querio tanto

I love you so much...

Y porque sera

Why?

Loco testarudo, no lo dudes mas. Aunque en el futuro haya un muro enorme, Yo no tengo miedo, quiero enamorarme.

Don't be so hard-headed, stop douting me. It doesn't matter what the future holds, I'm not afraid, I just want to love you.

No me ames, porque pienses

Don't love me, because you think I'm different.

Tu no piensas que es lo justo ver pasar el tiempo juntos?
You don't think it's right for us to spend this time together?

No me ames, que comprendo la mentira que seria.

Don't love me because I know what a lie it'd be.

Si tu amor no merezco,no me ames, mas quédate otra dia.

If you don't think I deserve your love, then don't love me, I'm going to stay.

No me ames, porque estoy perdido, porque cambie el mundo, porque es el destino; porque no se puede, somos un espejo, Y tu asi serias lo que yo de mi reflejo.

Don't love me because I'm lost, because I change the world, because it's destiny; beause this is impossible, we are like a mirror image of each other, we are one and the same.

No me ames, para estar muriendo Dentro de una guerra llena de arrepentimientos. No me ames, para estar en tierra, quiero alzar el vuelvo, con tu gran amor por el azul del cielo.

Don't love me to be dying in a war of regret. Don't love me to hold me back, I want to rise above, this love deserves to soar through the sky.

No se que decirte, esa la verdad, Si la gente quiere, sabe lastimar.

I don't know what to say, that's the truth, when people want to, they can really hurt you.

Tu y yo partiremos, ellos no se mueven pero en este cielo, sola no me dejes.

If you and I part now, it won't matter to anyone in this big world, don't leave me all alone.

No me dejes, no me dejes No me escuches, si te digo "no me ames"...

Don' t leave me, don't leave me, don't listen when I say: 'Don't love me'...

No me dejes, no desarmes mi corazón con ese "no me ames"...

Don't leave me, stop breaking my heart with that 'Don't love me'...

No me ames, te lo ruego mi amargura dejame.

Don't love me, I'm begging you to leave.

Sabes bien que no puedo, que es inútil, que siempre te amare.

You know very well I can't do that, it's useless, I'll always love you.

No me ames, pues te hare sufrir, con este corazón que se ileno de mil inviernos.

Don't love me, I'll only make you suffer, my heart has turned cold with this.

No me ames para asi olvidarte, de tus días grises, quiero que me ames solo por amarme.
Don't love me to run away from your sadness, I want you to love me, because you love me.

No me ames, tu y yo volaremos uno con el otro y seguiremos siempre juntos.

Don't love me, one day we'll soar with each other and be together forever.

Este amor es como el sol que sale tras de la tormenta,

This love is like the sun, that comes out after a terrible storm,

Como dos cometas en la misma estela.

Like two comets in the same galaxy.

No me ames

Don't love me,

No me ames

Don't love me,

No, no me ames...

No, don't love me...

***************************************

火

在挑战着刚刚好的距离。又近又远，又远又近。四起的火花，飞；飞到空中，又四散而落。火苗拉着绚丽的尾儿，美得……好不真实。梦境一般的。幻幻灭灭。

儿时的我很喜欢玩火，现在也一样。像是有些东西，永远也不会改变一样。记得小时候偷偷玩火妈妈那用心良苦的责备，妈说，很容易受伤的。对不起哟，妈，我从来都无法当一个好孩子。从来都无法当那一个你渴望拥有的好女儿。对不起，对不起。那么，遍体鳞伤了，也是我咎由自取。

看! 四起的火花呀，尽是那最灿烂的；啊，可否是……？眩目的火光，反映在黑色眸子里，曾经是很美很美的，我记得。了不起的。

梦中俪影何在？火光映照下仅是身影一个。
看啊，火苗在舞动，轻轻地；影子亦也一样舞动起来了，缓缓地……

风一吹，火苗灭熄；影子，也抽泣了。怎的？

梦，何在？尔何在？何再……
我，抱着支离破碎。等待。

Solitario Noche

This lonesome night,
It’s just me and I
Watching __
The stars
Buckle the silent black night
In the sky.

This night’s just too cold,
The moon’s hung just too low
And dimmed is his reflection;
By clouds grey as sorrow.

You ain’t here,
Ain’t anywhere near;
No way_ I ain’t gonna break
Ain’t gonna shed a tear.

Gonna be all right
Bet I won’t be uptight;
Just a little sad
Feelin’ kinda bad...

A Horror Story

Once upon a time, there are three cute rabbits living in a burrow. They live together in harmony, loving and caring for each other all the time. & all three of them loves singing, a lot. When the day is sunny, they will sing; when the day is rainy, they will sing; when the sun shines into their home, they will sing; when the wind shakes their home, they will sing...

I love you, you love me, we are happy family...

La la la ,la la la.......

La la la, la la la........

Matar, matar, quiere matar. Die, die, debe morir. Todos ustedes, deben morir. No, no, no quiere hacer nada. Sólo quieren ver su flujo sanguíneo durante el pasado varias noches. Goteo, goteo ... Caudal, flujo ... ¿No es usted feliz? Usted debe ser. La venganza, la venganza. Este odio; venganzan.

Kill, kill, wanna kill. Die, die, you should die. All of you, should die.
No, no, don't wanna do anything. Just wanna watch their blood flow over the several nights passed. Drip, drip...Flow, flow... Ain't you happy? You should be. Revenge, revenge. This hatred; revenged.

And the three rabbits live happily ever after.

***********************************

Lo Siento

Lo siento.

Es todo lo que pude decir. Para usted? Para mí? Quizás.

Yo no siquiera sé lo que quiero. No siquiera saben lo que quiero ...

Estoy perdido. Perdidos sin una respuesta. Perdidos sin direcciones. Nada.

¿Dónde estoy? Esto no es donde me destinados a ser.

¿Dónde estás? Usted no está aquí donde estoy.

Dios, necesito orientación. Yo le rezo. Amén.

*****************************

Save The Last Dance

Busy busy busy... Had quite a happening week. Speaking test, CTU assignments, maths homework, CA, plus loads of dance rehersals and finally, the real performance. Though the hustle and bustle makes me weary or pissed off at times, I'm quite loving it, in a way. Now that everything's settled, no more performances, no more dances...I seems to be even restless than ever. Yeah, I had maybe my last dance performance in INTEC, last Friday. In the days to come, I'm so going to miss days like these.

Let me give a brief recap of my week. Here goes:

Monday

Speaking test. Kinda flunked it. Still in holiday mood, I suppose. Actually, I only got to know that I'll have a test the day before!!! (Thanks to our highly-efficient class rep) And I went for it without any mental preparation. Hey, I didn't speak much English for the whole 1 week of holiday, okay! It got a bit rusty. Till I forgot to use past tense for past events!!! Uh-oh...big mistake that is!!! I guess a band 7 will be a blessing. Anyway, thank God it's over.

Dance practise at night. Guess everyone's in holiday mood. Our dances are all over the place. Messy steps, clumsy moves, wobbly spins, banging into each other during transitions... I don't know how are we going to face the big day which is only 4 days away if we continue to dance like this. I might just go into hiding that day. SWT.


Tuesday

International Food Carnival thingy at INTEC. There were 8 stalls selling a variety of food from different countries, according to their respective programmes. Korea, Japan, Egypt, USA, Russia, Deutschand, Aussie, and err...dunno what place the ALM represented by selling fish and chips. Went there a bit too late. A lot of food already finish disapu when we got there. Managed to steal a bite of Egyptian food from the ALGs, and Sifu a.k.a Andersen donated me a sushi. Thanks guys! Mis amigos got Korean Kimchi and American breakfast and we shared the food out. These settled my lunch.^-^

Had rehersal at night. Weren't that good either. But it was better than Monday's practise. Hope we can do better. Went back with a painful left arm. Dota King Ken twisted it when we were trying out a new move we saw on a So You Think You Can Dance clip. Ouch... so much for that move.

Did power point for the rest of the nite. CTU presentation...sigh... (what a waste of time) But eventually got addicted to it and ended up doing another silly slideshow with my roommate...


Wednesday

Dance practise again at night. Getting more and more tired day by day. It's been raining all the time these days. Got a bad headache. Bio lab was a turmoil. Catching unseen bubbles from photosynthesis is not a fun thing to do when you have a headache...

Costumes, costumes, costumes. Have to ponder over what to wear for performance. Colour code, dress code, accessories and all. It adds to my headache. But I do love to play dress up. (minus the dress code) Us dancers ended up having sort of a 'fashion parade' for the nite... haven't done my Maths homework and haven't studied for Bio test...sigh)


Thursday

We were supposed to have full dress rehersal at 4pm but it got delayed. And it interfered with my plan to go to CA. Was kinda frustrated with the management. It wasn't the first time they changed the rehersal time without any notice beforehand.

Ended up ponteng rehersal and going to CA. Actually my partner Ken also not going, so I have no one to dance with even if I go to the rehersal. CA's theme was Independence Day... and when we got upstairs, Eliza was just going to decorate the place with loads of M'sia flags... there were a couple big ones... and we wrap them around our body and run about, feigning rejoycing Olympic medallists... swt.

(No pictures with me now, only this one of a siao person pretending to be a flying Superman)

I won in games!!! For the first time in my life I think... I used to be a loser when it comes to games, but this time I won!!! And the prize is chocolate from Deutschland!!! Gracias ALG9 super super seniors!!! But this was one weird game, that is pairing up all the people, and the pair who can look straight into each other's eyes the longest without smiling or laughing or vomiting or whatever, will win. Got paired up with 'Sifu'. (swt) (this one ciplak punya sifu. Ok, is drum sifu lar, no offence ya, andersen!) Usually I surely beh tahan in this type of games, but dunno why this time we can even make funny faces at each other and not smile. Maybe because chocolate from Deutschland was too tempting! Or maybe I'm 'scared' because 'Sifu' looks too 'fierce'. (oops) (I was the one who smiled eventually. 'Sifu' so geng, he can keep a supposingly straight face all the time?!)

This is mua prize!!! Yummy! (Any sacrifice is worth it...uh well, I mean...)

The talk was creative and inspiring too. The marble part was awesome. I kept my marble safe in my bag. I hope I can always keep it as a reminder. Hey, I seems to be preparing a CA report with this long entry! lol... But I do really love CA.


Friday

The big day. Our last dance performance appoinment. Nada after that. We senior dancers are going to retire and leave it to the juniors. (makes me sound so old...sob)

There weren't many people there I think. Just enough to fill the hall losely. Kinda informal. We didn't even bother much to put on makeup. Our dance was a combined one, so there were Malay Dance, Indian Dance, 70's Chinese Dance and our New Jazz + Hip-Hop Fusion Dance. I'm in the new jazz team. (bored of hip-hop) For our performance, well, can't expect much from a lame choreograph and lack of practise right? But we tried our best, and nothing real bad happened, like collisions etc...praise the Lord. And the best part is we can camwhore in our costumes after that, and we got a huge hamper as a token of gratitude! Yay!!! So our last dance can be considered a success afterall.

Mi y mis amigos!!! My roomies...they are all doing the 70's dance

The 2 pairs of new jazz dancers- Szemin & Karpui, me & Ken

This is nuestro hamper!!! Bonita!!!

Me & brudder...(taiko) :p

Camwhoring with roomies back in hostel

Back in hostel, in my costume- minus the dress code

Adios! Hasta luego!

***********************************

这样好了……

不要。不要。别关上门。关上了就会看不见了。

有期待便好了，等待便好了。有时候，等待也是一种幸福。

我总是远远地，我们总是远远地。远远地便好了。

对你，我真的不能奢求些什么呀。真的不敢奢求些什么。
这样的距离刚刚好的。
刚刚好让眼泪不会被你看见。
刚刚好让伤心不会被你察觉。
刚刚好了。

只想你知道，继续你的好吧。

有些人是很幸福的。不是我，没关系；是你们就好了。
横坚，只想你拥有最大最大的快乐。

这样便好了。

*********************************

周记一则

“我什么也不想做。

我只想好好地写一篇周记；以及好好地爱你。

请原谅我。我只是一个十七岁的女生……”

记得高中的时候，老师会让我们写周记。是每个星期得要交上去的功课；有时是一些值得思考的主题，有时，纯粹是自由发挥。好怀念、好怀念那些日子。那些可以肆无忌荡地吐露心声的日子。而老师总很有耐心地一篇一篇地看，然后写下一些精心的评语；有时，甚至是一些关爱的奉劝。

后来离开了高中生活，我还是会写周记。一篇又一篇。有多少了？都数不清。我只知道我喜欢写、喜欢与周记谈心。它不会笑我。它从来只是静静地听。

而又后来，在这些忙碌的日子里，每一天的挣扎奔波……多久了，没有再写过一篇周记。有时会好想好想一个人静一下，好好地写一篇周记。你懂吗，写周记对我而言，不再只是高中时一样功课那么简单了；那是一种享受，是一个让我可以好好看见自己的时候。只是……对不起，我没时间。就算是我有时间的时候，我也已经很累了。
周记，对不起，搁置了你这么久。

我很累，真的很累。

还得面对好多批零扑隆的狼狈。

‘我只是想好好地写一篇周记；以及好好地爱你。’

可我很累。原来不止心会累，手也会累。

那么……不写了。那么……可以不爱了吗？

@ Studio

Drinking tea and looking at pretty photos of the Dinner & Dance Night, wishing that I could be up there performing one day

@ Studio
(thanks Ah Nee for preparing the tea :p)

My beloved Sifu and her hubby performing @ Dinner & Dance Night

I lost all my photos and video I took that night, so I had to take photos of photos instead. Swt... Sorry...

I'm Sorry...

Raining on and off for the whole afternoon. But never mind that, I get to spend my afternoon with Sifu.

Yup, I got to see my Sifu, finally. Been how long I haven't seen her? One month? Or is it more? Goodness, I do miss her so. As I expected my dad to say something like,"What?! Go dancing again?...What time?..." (grumble grumble... about wasting his time and my time...), so I felt so much relieved to have Sifu to fetch me there. Save the trouble, save the grumble. (Peace!)


In the car, she asked me a question, is dancing something you really WANT, or is it something you really LIKE. There's difference. If you WANT it, you'll work harder for it, compared to if you LIKE it. I thought about the question for a long time, and I didn't know the anwser. At least, I can't answer it, now. Maybe, there'll be one day, I could be able to answer the question, confidently. I can only tell her that I'm something in between. And she said it can't be so, I'll be forever stuck in the gap. I really wish that I could give her a better answer, one day.


She asked me again, won't you feel proud if you are to train under a famous teacher? I answered, "Sure!". She told me she wasn't a famous teacher. Uh-oh... I told her that as long as I feel that she's great, it's all that matters. And yes, deep from my heart I do really think she's great. You see, a great teacher isn't everything about excellent dance skills and fame. It's always something more, something from within. It's just too hard to explain.


Learnt Samba today. I don't know why sifu chose to teach me that. I thought she was going to give me a new routine for the dances that I've learnt, but she taught me a new dance instead. The second hardest dance of all 5 Latin dances. No joke, it IS hard. To execute the moves nicely, I mean. It involves a lot of movements of the belly, something similar to Belly Dancing. Sorry Sifu, I think I did not dance well up to your expectation today. I'll work harder this time, for sure. You see, it's been quite a long time I haven't been dancing Latin. Life in INTEC doesn't really allow me to do so either. (akasia badminton court's always full) And to think that I had promised you that I would work harder!!! I'm so so so sorry.


I'm working. It just takes time. More time. I have to juggle ALM life and to explore by myself how is it that the force should be kept at waist level while letting your feet jive along lightly, looking weightless.

Just hope you'll understand.

Insanity Overdose

I'd came to realise that I might have gone a little insane, since Form 5. A bit out of my mind. As to end up doing a lot of weird stuff I'd rather not do if I have the extremely sane mind of a doctor material, aka the ALM material, as my friends used to say.



So here goes part of the list:


1. MINUTES TO FAME 2006- AMC EDITION

I'll laugh till I cry thinking of this. It's this kind of insane competition where you do anything onstage to while away as much time as you can, before one of the judges 'beh tahan' & press the bell to chase you off the stage. The longer you can 'survive' onstage, the better. This was what we tried to do. I seriously think that we tried too hard, in the wrong way too. Imagine the combination of spoons, forks, plates, school ties, plastic roses, toilet brushes and brooms in a performance. Moreover, with the group name 160 club. SWEAT. lol. I feel like a group of silly clowns, rather than serious competitors. Nevertheles, we had the most fun then we'd ever had in our whole secondary school life.

We never took any proper photos though, so there's only this photo to show our 160 club members, with some other friends.

160 club members---start from 2nd from right : Michelle, me, xuxu, and Sally.

2. Ponteng Accounts Mid-term Exam

No need much explanation for this. We didn't study so we didn't go for exam lor. Simple right? And no photos to show too (Duh, obviously!). Got seriously scolded & warned by all those big big people (guru besar, mulut besar, kepala besar...) No, we didn't get a zero. Those big big people do have some heart, I suppose.

3. WORLD IDOL 2008

Sounds nice, right? At least it has an even nicer name than Malaysian Idol... This is World Idol!!!

Muahahaha... Whatever, I joined along with my friends, just for the fun of it. I knew we wouldn't win. Hey we did accapella...Who on earth will win World Idol with accapella?! The other teams were jamming away or doing some real hot live band stuff, and we were accapella-ing?! But great nite it is. There are a few nice singers, some sucky ones as well, some over-exaggerated band players and lead singers, but there's a real cool drummer. He can play the drums so well!!! It made me more interested in playing the drum than ever. Maybe one day, I'll learn drum.

4. Malam Merentasi Zaman 2008

Well, this is one whole new experience as well. First time being sort of a runway model. lol. They even have a T-platform!!! Made up of wobbly tables adjoined together.(scary). I got some sort of feudal baju kebaya, all shinny and gold in colour. I dunno how to describe it. It looks kinda nice, something I'd never ever wore before in my life. I felt like a princess in those old Malay stories., you know, those stories that usually has a nenek kebayan character. Like Puteri Gunung Ledang. My friends were in the Chinese ribbon dance, so they get to wear cheongsam, though their cheongsam are like one size bigger, and they have to wear slacks and hand-socks beneath. Pity pity, I'd never wore cheongsam before. I wish I'll have a chance someday.

In the changing 'room'...Ying Jie, Me & Ah Long

The head accessory weighs a tonne!!!

That's why I ended up not wearing it onstage...but with some kind of weird hairstyle instead.

5. Playing Masak Masak?!

This is a normal thing for other people, but not for me. It's only the second time I've really cooked. Three other friends and I wanted to break through our cooking-noob title to emerge as the ideal wives, so we made a plan to cook dinner. And this is how we fared. Quite nice, right?! We passed beginner's level without setting Block 3 on fire!!! Thank God. Though the rice seems a bit overcooked & it tasted a bit burnt, we sapu everything like hungry ghosts. The cooking process really made us exhausted. Swt...

6. Breaking Curfew

Ok, another accomplishment. Reason? To watch the grand opening ceremony of Beijing Olympics 2008 at McD, and also to break the curfew just for the fun of it. Fortunately ,there was one other siao gang of alg guys who are even more siao than us three. lol... you know who you are. After the opening ceremony programme ended, I get to experience another ceremony---the present-giving ceremony of the most siao birthday gift ever. Good one.

So much for now...there are lotta other silly stuff but I'm too lazy to blog it all up here...Tata!