Dance Diary Part 14 - Merlion International Ballroom Dancing Championships & Johor Stars of Tomorrow International Dancesport Championships

I'm sorry to have put off this long to write about my S'pore/Johor championships. Truth is, Sem 5 had already started and boy it's TOUGH!!! I'm working around the clock even when it's only a few weeks into the semester! It's crazy, with all the IMS presentations to prepare, the community medicine project, household surveys and SPSS stuff which I had totally no idea how to operate... No wonder people say that sem 5 is the busiest semester ever! And EOS 5!!! OMG i dun even wanna think about it yet. I totally should've started studying earlier.

Nope I'm not gonna elaborate further about my semester, this is my DANCE diary, so imma get back to my competitions instead. So as I mentioned earlier, these 2 back-to-back competitions gonna most probably be my last competition for the year, so I had to make the BEST out of every single moment... and guess what, I think I DID! I did have a great time; dancing, competing, watching people dance and bonding with my studio mates... It was just as awesome as I wished it could be, and I can say that at the end of the day, I'm indeed a very contented girl. =)

For starters, OMG!!!!!!! I FINALLY WON SOME MEDALS!!!!!!!!!! *squealing in delight*

My 1st ever dance MEDALS!!! 2 bronze, 1 silver. (not the ones on the left, those are for running and table tennis.. lolx...) 

Opps, sorry, it's pretty hard to contain the excitement, but I'm gonna back up a little...


THE DAY BEFORE (5/8/2011) 

Had brief lunch in JB before heading off to Singapore. Good old wanton mee! =)

The magnificent Singapore with it's many skyscrapers!

So we set out the day before to Singapore, which believe it or not, was my FIRST time there, and my FIRST experience of visiting another country aside from our faithful Malaysia! O.o Singapore was just as I expected; strict custom, tall buildings, everything was like neat and tidy as if living in a box. And our little hotel was situated somewhere called V Lavender or something I wasn't really sure. It was a pretty nice hotel though, especially love the big screen window in our room! We girls ended up camwhoring by the window, with the magnificent Singapore skyline behind us.

Our hotel

Me and my roomies in our oh-so-sexy poses

You gotta love the wonderful big screen window behind me with the amazing city view!

In the evening, we went by the insanely-crowded MRT to City Hall 2 stations away to have our dinner. The food was like pretty exy especially if you do the conversion, and silly me only brought 20 dollars cuz I was expecting hawker food, so I ended up just having Burger King. Fast food rules!!! haha... It was pretty late when we got back, and after fussing around preparing the stuff we needed for the big day, we called it a night, sharing a king-sized bed between the four of us. Was quite a cram, but we were too tired and fell asleep with no problem at all!

With the WLD group at the MRT station heading to City Hall for dinner. (spot me? =P)

THE SINGAPORE COMPETITION (6/8/2011)
Waking up at 5am was a torture. But I wasn't going to grumble about it, for this was THE LONG-AWAITED DAY. And so we were all up early, preparing ourselves for our 'battle', as Aunty Merle always put it. That word kinda worked up my nerves, to be honest, but guess competitions are indeed, like a battle; and the dancefloor, a warzone. Anyway, up side of it, it kinda got my spirits boiling too, to go all out for a battle! But make-up was quite an ordeal, for I do really suck at it. The only few times I really put on make-up were for my previous competitions and also performances. Normal days? Nah. imma just let my face go au naturel! =P So with that little practice I've had, it was quite a struggle. Took me 5 hours to get ready!!! *gosh! but at least I was pretty much the same speed as the other gals too... lolx!* Thank God though it wasn't anything people would call a great artwork, my completed competition make-up was still fairly presentable. =P

The competition was held in this country club ballroom which was pretty magnificent too. And the dance scene was just as much of a 'battlefield' as I had in mind, with armies of competitors from all around the world. Unfortunate for us, when we arrived, the first few competitions had already started, which meant the warm-up session was over, and we missed the chance to test the floor. The dancefloor was HUGE, with brightly-polished wooden flooring, quite the best floor I've ever seen. Thank god it was good too, not too slippery or rough, really great to dance on!

Rumba in action!

Now to the Cha Cha

Samba  

The competition went pretty well I have to say. Although I was kinda nervous in the beginning, I became more and more confident as the events pass. And I managed to enter finals for all the 3 dances that I joined! Rumba and Cha Cha finals were night events, while Samba finals was finished off by afternoon. I kinda lost my timing halfway during Samba finals, idk was I nervous or what, but somehow it just happened. And hence the 6th placing for Samba. =( *damn me and my bad timing!*

Samba 6th placing

For the night events I gathered up my nerves and managed to give a better performance than my Samba. I got 3rd placing for both Cha Cha and Rumba, which means, my first few medals!!! Weeeeeeeee!!!!!!!! =) =) =) Although I wasn't champion yet, but it was really an improvement to me, considering the lack of practice I had beforehand and how much a black sheep I was. @.@ And it was an International Open event, whereby there are even quite a number of competitors from the 'notorious' China!!!  Lolx...

On stage as 2nd Runner up for Cha Cha

2nd Runner up for Rumba as well (still pwned by the china gals...sigh...)

Taking a break with Shi Teng

Anyway, after that, we bathed and washed up in the club's washroom, and then chilled around, waiting for Uncle William and the rest of our teachers to be done judging the competition so that we can all take our bus to our hotel in Johor. It was around 11plus when we were finally set to go, and many of us were already exhausted. We reached Johor at about 1am, and after checking-in and preparing ourselves for bed, it was already over 2 pm. I fell asleep dreading the thought of waking up at 6am the next day...

My Singapore comp certs! 

WLD competitors' group photo with our beloved teachers!

THE JOHOR COMPETITION (7/8/2011)
So I woke up an hour later than my alarm. *damn my bad habit of resuming sleep after switching off the alarm!* And so I had to bathe and gobble down my cup noodle at supersonic speed to make up for time loss. And then I went to join the girls to make-up. Again. Seriously I was kinda sick of the process. But good thing was that I actually improved from yesterday's practice, and so I manage to add a more dramatic touch to my eyes compared to yesterday. Kinda satisfied with my results, and less time spent too! =)

The bring-it-on-i'm-ready-for-battle stance!!! 

With the other home team gals in the 16 and above solo open category (Note how colourful our costumes are! teehee)

I reckon I'm doing the Cuban break

The venue for Johor comp was much smaller, in some restaurant where they had this temporary dancefloor set up. Managed to make it to test the floor this time, and boy was it slippery! But thank God somehow into the competition, it became less slippery, probably because the ballroom dancers who had their comps first danced away most of the wax on the top layer? haha!

One of my favourite Cha Cha pose. Just lurve how tanned I look for this comp!

Anyway, the competition went really great, and I had a really good time. Was kinda nervous at times, but when the music comes on, I just went all out for it, danced like there was no one watching. There was only one thing on my mind, and it was "I am doing the thing that I love, and this might be my last competition of the year, so I am gonna make the best out of it!" And so I did. Although in the end, I still couldn't manage to get champion for any of the dances, but I got into finals again for all the categories! 4th placing for both Samba and ChaCha, and first runner up for Rumba!!! (obviously Rumba is still my best dance =P)

1st Runner up in Rumba! What a pleasant surprise! =)

My Johor comp certs!

It was pretty late when we were done with the comp. We did not even have much time to remove our make up or bathe, as we were all packing and rushing to take our late night bus back to KL. Chinese medicine selectives classes waiting for me at 8am! It was crazy, really crazy. We left Johor at 1am, only to reach KL at about 6am. I was pretty exhausted by then, but I managed to haul my luggage and all back to Vista, remove my make-up, bathe, and get ready for classes, while other competitors get to stay home and sleep in... Hmm, price to pay for being a med-student I guess! We never really get much chance to rest! But it was all worth it, I would say. =)

One good thing about Johor comp is that dinner was provided! Yummm don't you just love an 8-course meal after a tiring day? Haha!

Table mates! =P

Epilogue
(credits to Stephen and all the other photographers whom I took the photos from! You know who you are!)
I think I'm gonna miss the competition scenes. Joining competitions under WLD is awesome, the great company, the fun we had together, the unity and cheering for each other, the learning and growing together... it's all parts and parcel of what makes the competition experiences great. And the DANCE, the smooth polished floors, the ballrooms, the lights, the photo-takings, the audience, the shimmering costumes... all these memories will be etched into my mind forever and always. I know that I will always love dancing, no matter where I go and what I do. I remember every word Uncle William told me after the prize-giving ceremony of Johor comp. He told me:" Whatever you do, please promise me not to give up dancing!" He said I was improving and getting better, and it would be a waste to stop dancing. I'll surely take these words to my heart, and yes, I will continue to dance. I certainly will! =)

I promise this will not be my last competition!

Till then!!! I'll leave you with,

Life is just so wonderful when there is DANCE!!!!!!!!! 

Dance Diary Part 13 - Of abs and tan... and being the black sheep... =(

Singapore/Johor comp is looming ahead. Only 4 more days to go. Think I am pretty doomed this time... =(
For one, I only just learnt my steps for the 3 dances that I joined (Rumba, Cha Cha and Samba) about a week ago. And I only attended 1 lesson plus 3 drillings before I MIA-ed back to Ipoh again. And now that I am back in KL, there are only 2 more drilling sessions to go before the BIG DAY.

*Gotta buck up supersonic speed, gal!!! These are international competitions, battle's gonna be TOUGH out there! Somemore it's Open category this time, no longer Beginners! 

Even in my studio alone, among the other competitors of my category, I am pretty much... the black sheep. The lousier oldest one. =( Especially my Samba, in the previous few drillings, I even had a hard time remembering the steps for the pretty-complicated routine. Teacher Merle was telling me, gal your Samba is below standard, gotta work it up!!! *opps =( =( =(*

Anyway gonna practice REAL HARD this week. One good thing is that it is still sem break and rotations are over, so minus the academic burden to worry about, I can focus more on my dance I hope. This might gonna be my last competition this year, since sem 5's gonna be darn hectic and all... and then it's those visa and PMS and flying overseas to continue my phase 2... I can't see any time in near future where I could slot in another competition, much as I wanted to. =( Sigh... guess I just gotta make the BEST out of this coming Johor/Singapore comp. It's gonna mean a lot to me. Gonna last me through the remaining of this year, at least. I gotta practice hard, and dance my best for the judges, teachers and audience. I hope I ain't gonna let anyone down, even though by the rate I am going now, I might already had. Sorry dear teachers, I will work hard even though time is sparse... gonna try my best and have no regrets! =)

On a side note, I had actually become pretty tanned lately; due to all the swimming and occasional runs walks. Kinda a good thing, at least my face will not look so obviously blackened by the caramel foundation like it did last time during my first competition! (I still remember my tanned-made-up face contrasting with my fair skin on my body... it was TERRIBLE! ishhh) I've come to learn to pre-tan myself after that. teehee... And am trying to build some abs too, by dancing and swimming. Gotta keep a real good bod to pull off my a-little-too-revealing costume. Any flabs or fat is gonna be very much visible as there is not much cloth to hide behind. Sigh... bad choice of costume. (next costume I make, it's certainly gonna have MORE CLOTH, and possibly some drapes... I love flowy ones... =P)


Signing off to bed... long week ahead!!! I'll leave you with,

Riccardo Cocci and Yulia Zagoruychenko Jive @ WSSDF 2010

Yulia, my inspiration, forever and always. *heart* She never fails to remind me the reason that I dance; and if ever I were on the verge of giving up on dancing when times were difficult, it is her who could always reignite my passion.

Know what does my heart secretly wish?

One day, I wanna be a great dancer like Yulia Zagoruychenko... =)

Or am I only dreaming?

I guess I was dreaming. For when I opened my eyes, you were gone... What made me think that you will come back to me? Had I really slept this long?
Guess it's time for me to wake up already.

If only...

I wanted to tell myself that one day everything will go back to what it was like. When it was just you and me. Your touch, your scent, your words, your lips, your eyes... Is there any chance there is? Why am I still waiting, after this long? Long gone promises are lying in the crypts, buried deep. How much chance do I stand? Why am I so stubborn when it comes to you?


I thought I smelled your scent yesterday. It was so familiar, it almost made me cry. It had been so long. I look around now, but I can't figure out where it come from. You weren't here, were you? It was just a dream, no? I was just there all alone, no?

No?

I could've loved you with all my heart if you would've let me. 

Dance Diary Part 12 - 8th National Ballroom Dancing Championship 2011

Status: Completed. 

My FIRST SOLO competition. It felt sooooo different, being out on the dancefloor alone. It was as if all eyes were on you, judging you, noticing every little move (and mistake) that you made... Especially when dancing in the finals, it was only down to 6 people on the floor, and THAT was downright scary. No kidding. 

Okay, let me back up a little. The competition was held on the 12th of June at Penang Bayview Beach Resort, the very same place that I went for my first competition last November. Very nostalgic, if you would ask me. But then again, it was a good thing to be familiar with the place, at least I know my way around, and I kinda could imagine how the competition would look like, the dancefloor and all... 

But then again, it was still a whole new experience in a whole new way. For one, the people going with me this time were pretty different. There were many new people, new friends and all.
And then it was the category that I joined, Solo Beginner. SOLO & PARTNERLESS. T___T
And then it was the dance that I were to do this time. Cha Cha and Jive. The 2 dances I am not really familiar with. Even during drilling, I had a pretty hard time improving my Jive. Somemore kena scolded many times by Uncle William and Aunty Merle! =( I remember 2 weeks before the competition, Uncle William was so frustrated when teaching me the Jive techniques that he fumed at me :" I don't even know why you want to join competition lar, dancing like this!!!"... =( =( =(

But somehow criticism pushed me to work even harder in my dance. I did practice really hard, allocating at least 2 hours per day dancing at IMU dance room, and that did not include the everyday drilling sessions at WLD. And I was glad I did that. I'm glad I didn't give up on myself even when everyone else seems to have no high hopes in me. For hard work did pay off as I managed to make my way through to the finals! As they recalled dancers from Heats to Semi-Finals and then Finals... it was almost exhilarating to see my number on the board each time. 

And there was even some problem in our category that made us had to re-dance the finals. According to the organizers  our Jive routine consists of some out-of-syllabus steps, and so Aunty Merle had to pull us aside and re-choreograph our routine on the spot, and then we went for the re-dance... >.<

And after all the hassle and mess, we got the results, and I got 6th placing!!! =) I kinda expected that, since my techniques were seriously lacking and I am so nervous till I might even be out-timing at times. But still, at least I got a placing!!! And it was already kinda what I expected! Especially when there were many other studio mates of mine who joined my category, and during drillings, they seems to be much better than me. I thought I'd maybe survived till semi-finals and get eliminated by my own studio-mates... it will be as far as I go and I'll be satisfied already. =P

Guess I'm pretty lucky this time. But then this gave me more motivation to try and do better for the next competition. And I was happy when Uncle William said to me after the competition that I actually improved a little, and Aunty Luisa also told me this is a good start and encouraged me to work harder and get better placing next time. Dear teachers, I will surely try to improve! Thanks for all your teaching and guidance this long, I love you all!   

My cert... No medals though... T__T Next time I'll try to get medals... that's my dream!

Some of my studio-mates who joined the same category as me 

My beloved teacher , Uncle William and I

My AWESOME technique class teacher, Aunty Luisa and I

Choon Wei the joker who graduated from IMU

Onn Rei gor gor... =)

Young Nisha with her charming-enough-to-kill eyes...O.O

And I met my sifu from Ipoh too!!! She was also one of the judges for the competition... It had been awhile since I had seen her. I'm glad to be able to catch her during a competition break and talked to her awhile and take photos! =) She brought along a few of my friends too for this competition, and I managed to catch up with them too after my event ended... =)

My former Sifu from Ipoh, Alice Hor

Sifu's husband, we call him JJ sifu =P

Somehow I ended up being in a group photo with my former teacher and my present teacher... AWESOME. =)

Till the next time!!! Sure wish there will be a next time! =)

Have you forgotten your Angel...?

Angel I hear you, speak I listen, stay by my side, guide me; Angel my soul was weak, forgive me, enter at last, Master...

Choir was MUCHO fun! Even performed once, and it was an amazing experience. Moreover, it was "Phantom of The Opera" medley! My all time favorite songs... =)

I kinda miss singing Phantom...

Lately life had begun to speed up, much to my dismay. (time pass more quickly = summatives coming sooner) These days I had start to realize the fact that I am leaving IMU pretty soon. Just a few more months here; yet it seemed like just yesterday I was a noobie junior at orientation!!! Sigh... I'm starting to sound like some nostalgic old woman, please bear with me. But you see, much as I am excited about PMS, going abroad and all, it made me a trifle sad that I am leaving this place that I had grown so familiar with over the past years.

And the people too. You, you and you...

  

Had officially passed dance club down to the 'younger generation'. Guess it really is time for me to move on to the next chapter in life. Only hope is that in the next chapter, there will still be DANCE in it!!! =)

It was nice dancing with you guys... Those memories will stay en mi corazón forever. 

You'll know it when there is this someone who is always there for you, to protect you, and to guide you. They call it Guardian Angel.
See, I am sending an angel before you, to guard you on the way and bring you to the place I have prepared.  --  Exodus 23:20
Wonderful thought. I wonder who is my Guardian Angel?

And you,

have you forgotten your Angel...? =(

The walk was nice. Felt something like the way it used to be. How long had it been? I had really missed it. Gimme one wish and I would wish to have one day of the life as it was, back then. I knew I was happy.

Would be a nice ending, even to the saddest story.  

And as the story goes, 














I'll always be your Angel...

You are Special... =)

It always intrigues me how different people can be. Funny how could it be when we are all creations of the same Maker? When I was younger I would wonder; Lord, why is it that You make everyone of us different? Ain't there be disagreements? Ain't there be misunderstandings? Ain't there be war?...

As I grow older, I meet people, and I've come to realize, that in every unique individual we meet, there is something worth learning from them. The people you meet in your life, they make a mark on you somehow or rather, even if you might not notice it. 

I've long learnt not to be judgmental. For me, I never give anyone 'death penalties', instead, I always try my best to give everyone second chances. For I always believe that people CAN change. No doubt they have the ability to. It's often just a matter of will. 

Human minds are such wonderful creations. Our brains consist of the same primary structures, and yet, the mindset and thinkings that we develop later in life can be so contradicting with each other at times. I used to have this weird habit of asking people random questions to ponder upon. Questions about love, life, friendship, God, family... and almost everything. And the feedbacks that I get are always wonderfully insightful. There are the ones that speaks my mind spot on, and yet there are many that contradicts my thinking and beliefs, sometimes way off my tracks and boundaries. Fortunately, I could say that I am one who is pretty much open-minded. Hence for those who oppose my line of thoughts, I welcome them just as well, and I respect their thoughts just as much. I might or might not be affected by these surge of new inputs, but I always view them as a good thing. Opens up a lot of new perspectives, you see. Sort of widens my horizon, broadens my meek narrow mind. There is never too much to see, learn and experience... 

Which might explain why I love collecting quotes. I used to have this 'quote book' in which I jot down all the nice quotes that I came across; in the Bible, in the books I read, in the movies I watched, or even from the people I meet. Keeping a quote, it's like keeping a piece of someone's mind. You will ponder over how that quote came to be expressed, you will smile at it's relatedness, you will shudder at it's truthfulness... And many a time, when I came across a quote, there will be this certain someone on my mind. And so I will share with them, these essence of  man and literature. Because I am one who always believe that we should be more expressive of ourselves, and it's literally unhealthy to keep thoughts to oneself. 

I wish to be a psychiatrist. A counselor. A psychology consultant... reading and analyzing minds, helping people in the going. The anatomy of a human's mind, is far greater than that of a human body. So much yet to explore and understand and learn...!   

And still again, you are SPECIAL. =)

轻与重

轻，

是浮云般轻

是毛羽般轻；

生命所不能承受的轻。 

重，

是沉重之重

是沉痛之痛；

心灵所无法承受之重。 

我心

承载不了你的轻；

你心

负荷不了我的重。

所以都沉了，

碎了，

没了……

不复回。 

One step at a time...

Too old,
we are for Disneyland,
Peter Pan will never knock on your window;
Too much,

of fairy tales,

Story-time is long over;
Too fast,

you took your little toy train,

rode it like a roller-coaster.

Didn't your mama ever tell you not to speed? 

But you took it 170 on the highways,

Just remember how to hit the brakes,

If you crash it'll gonna be painful,

I'll pray that no hearts will break.

One step at a time, take it slow,
Take your time look at the sights below,
You wish me to disappear but I gotta tell you what I know,
Wood last longer if you burn it slow;
And if you ever crash and burn,
I would hate to say this, but... I told you so,
I told you so...

Too old,
we are for the playground,
you tried the monkey bar but your feet touched the ground;
Too much,
of unknown in our future,
that we are yet to discover;
Too fast,
your embers caught the wood,
licked up the whole forest.

Din't your teacher tell you not to run in the corridors?
But you took it full speed down the rocky lane,
Just remember how to slow your pace,
If you fall it's gonna be painful,
I'll pray that no hearts be hurt.

Once again, take it slow,

Take your time look at the sights below,

You wish me to disappear but I gotta tell you what I know,

Wood last longer if you burn it slow;

And if you ever crash and burn,

I would hate to say this, but...

For the last time, take it slow,
Take your time look at the sights below,
You wish me to disappear but I gotta tell you what I know,
For I don't wanna see you cry,
And if you still crash and burn,
I will feel sorry for you, but I told you so,
I told you so...

Pain is gain?

Okie. I'm back in my bloggie after so friggin' long. My Plurk karma already dropped to zero... >.< Sorry bloggie for leaving you deserted for this long. Haven't been free to drop by. Forgive me.

Even now, unfinished work are pilling up on me. Summatives are over, but still... long way to go. Notes to arrange, clothes to wash, a competition to train for, dance club activities to plan and organize, CSU practices, a contemporary routine to learn, problems to solve... and the MAJOR 'POTONG STIM' --- EOS 3 in January!!! 

Work work work. Imma not let myself slack.

No time to lick my wounds. No time to nurse this broken heart. No time even to feel the pain.


I guess I just had to, had to do things... differently now. I had to make my heart harder, colder, stronger.
A strong woman I shall be. ^___^

It really isn't that hard now that I am used to it. And well, I have my dance. And dance could always make me feel better at the end of the day. Like it cheers me up, refreshes me... Don't ask me how though. I don't really know. =)

It's 9pm. Gotta go. Dance training starting soon. Gotta get myself ready. (ouch, my feet hurts from all that dancing! But no pain, no gain?) I promise I will be back here at least once more before leaving for Penang. Maybe if I have time, to catch up with what I had missed out all this while. ^___^ Ciao?

Signing off...

THE girl, I bet she's beautiful...

yesterday... once more? ):

They can take the future that we'll never know

They can take the places that we said we will go

All the broken dreams take everything

Just take it away but they can never have yesterday

omigosh omigosh... I couldn't get that off my mind. FML

Your eyes. Your eyes at that very moment.

Why avoid my gaze? Why look the other way?

Your voice. Your voice when you said those words.

I could hear the crack. I could feel the pain.

And all I could do was to STONE.


Is that the best you can do, gal?!! F*** you noob, you noob!
Should've touched your hand... Should've given you a hug... Should've at least said something...


Damn! I can't forgive myself! T___________T

......................

......................

......................

Well, no point regretting, what's done is done. What's not done is... not done. At least you were fine after that. (Or so I think =.=)


I know I could be stubborn at times. A little noisy and annoying, maybe. Pretty childish-ly mischievous, even.


Yes, the way I jumped around all the time, and asked too many questions.
Yes, the way I keep pestering you to allow me to tag along.
Yes, the way I stuck my tongue out at you when you didn't let me stay on.


But I love you.

When we had so much in store

Tell me what is it I'm reaching for

When we're through building memories

I'll hold yesterday in my heart

Yes, I will hold you close to my heart, forever.
Promise.

I know I'll see you again, I'm sure

No, it's not selfish to ask for more

One more night, one more day

One more smile on your face

But they can't take yesterday

Will I see your smile again? ):
For the nth time in my life, I hope that yesterday never did end...




gal, you ask for too much sometimes... Grow up! Move on! *slaps myself*

********************

Me gonna miss you... *sobs sniff sniff breaksdown*

As ever...

Heart beating, broken, shattered?
I'm still pacing, running, chasing.

Trying, trying hard to walk away

But always ended up here again,

I need to look away,

But looking from this distance again,

Couldn't get nearer; couldn't leave either,

I'm lost in this masquerade.

Stop breathing,
Cuz every breath I take is you;
Stop looking,
Cuz every sight I see is you;
Stop dancing,
Cuz every dance comes from you;
Stop singing,
Cuz every song I sing is your name.

Don't wanna look into your eyes,

For I know I'll never be able to look away.

If you ever know,

You're the reason I'm still here pacing,

Why I knew the darkness of the corridors at ten,

Why I knew the quietness of the streets at two.

是这一种距离，
那隔着玻璃的静寂……
难受，真的很难受……

I already gave you my heart, what more do you want from me?

This night is long.
And you never picked up the phone.
Wonder if you would ever care to get back to me?

But as ever, I'll be waiting.

Don't leave me out here dancin' alone...

Changes

And again, changes.

Had been months since I was back in Ipoh.
I could barely recognize this place I call home, as my bus exited the Simpang Pulai toll. Took me awhile to figure out that the bus was indeed heading towards Medan Gopeng, given the new buildings all along the road that was once just trees or wooden houses.

So many changes, over just a few months! There is this new corporate park. And there are new city decor. There are more cars. There is more unfamiliarity.
Whoa, guess I really had been away for quite a while.


It isn't really time to blog now, for my End Of Semester exam is just round the corner. These days I had to constantly remind myself that this isn't holidays yet, just a study break.
That I would have to leave home yet again, about a week later, to face the dreaded exam.
That I still have loads to study, and so little time left.
That if I wanted my real holidays, I shouldn't sit back at all for this study break.


I miss home, I miss my family, I miss Ipoh food, I miss dancing, I miss sifu, I miss my guitar, I miss driving, I miss just every sight and smell here.

But this isn't time to enjoy them, just yet. T.T


And again, anatomy of the heart. I realized just how much I had forgotten. And to think that it was only months ago when I had learnt them all by heart. Afterall, how could someone not know their heart by heart?

Gotta work harder, gal. You are lagging behind.

There are so much work to cope with, it makes me tired, and makes me sick ever so often. Indeed, ever since I had been to IMU, I ALWAYS fell sick.

Mom has been worried. And I feel bad for making her worry about me all the time. Why couldn't I be like the others? Why couldn't I live life like a med school student, and still stay healthy as everyone else do? And I never even stayed up as late as the others, never even starved myself.
But still I fall sick more often then everyone else.

Life isn't fair, I've learnt to know.


I need to pass EOS. Have to. For myself, for my parents.

Even when my mum told me it's ok if I do fail, she'll let me learn dancing, and be a FULL-TIME DANCER like my Sifu... I WOULDN'T let that happen.

I really don't want to dissapoint my parents.


Father Lord, I pray that you'll help me through. I'm asking for a grace that I do not deserve, but dear Father, I will work hard. I will do my best, Father. Most of all Father, please bless me with a healthy body and mind. Pray that I will have the strength and wisdom that come from you, Father. To face these challenges of this exam, and not be afraid, nor be weary. For deep in my heart I know, that you'll be with me, every step that I take. I love you, Father.
Amen.

Now... back to nerding...
15 more days to EOS... T.T

CNY @ Home

CNY is going to end soon. And I seriously don't wish it to. For one main reason, you'll be gone after CNY. Back to where you were supposed to be, to get on with a life you were supposed to live.

But you know what? We were supposed to be together too. Supposed to be by each other's side...

But why do we have to end up like this?

Visited my Sifu during the forth day of CNY, just as I did last CNY. Time flies yea? It seems like just yesterday that I was there, playing with her little doggie and chatting away, and now again I am there, and a year had already passed.

And yes I noticed, we both grew. Not so much physically, but mentally. A year could really change a lot of things. And it was indeed a rough year for both of us, which I came to know as we shared stories. For more than 3 hours we talked on, about stories of life, of love, and most of all, dance. There was a lot of emo talk when it came to dance politics and some certain people.

For one, Sifu told me about more betrayals and unappreciative students. People who left, people who were greedy, people who betrayed trusts, people who take advantages of empathy and kindness, people who did not know how to appreciate good deed done for them... And throughout the conversation, I realized that Sifu had became a much much stronger woman than before. I remember when I first met her more than two years ago, she was this innocent, carefree, bubbly, cute personality that loves to help and give selflessly, always thinking of others more than herself, happy and contented, living life like a little princess in her very own fairy tale.

I guess that was then. Before she was forced to face the ugliness of the world, before she had to learn that life was never a fairy tale and people who are too good are usually the ones who got hurt the most. In a way, I'm glad she learnt. I'm glad she changed, hardened her heart, so as to protect herself from getting hurt over and over again. Glad that she finally realized, and that in future, hopefully she would not be scarred as she was before. For I love her, and wish her to be happy. But then again, I'm also furious, furious at the people and the world, for forcing her into this change.

You see, if not for them, she wouldn't have had to change at all.
And I do miss her old self, loads.

But at least, she forgave. She did not lock herself up in the prison of an unforgiving heart. Instead, she learnt, and moved on. For that, I'm really proud of her. ^_^


Guess I gotta buck up and move on too. CNY is ending, uni is starting. You are leaving, life without you is starting. Dance is reducing, schoolwork is increasing.
There's always a wonderful balance in this world isn't it? For everything lost, there are things replacing. For every end, there is a beginning.

And hopefully, for the better.
Yupz, together, let us hope for the better!!!

Day 86 - Dance Diary Part 4 - Of Tears and Laughter

My holidays are drawing to an end. This my last week here in Ipoh before my sem 2 in IMU commences. Last week of dancing with you too... T.T

The last lesson with Sifu was totally hilariously fun, to begin with. When she came to fetch us to her studio, she told me she was going to drop something to somewhere halfway. It turned out to be two drawers she wanted to send to a key shop. And it was just two individual drawers taken right out from her cupboard/wardrobe... Doesn't sound right, rite?

The story was that she sent the original drawer keys to the shop, hoping to make a copy of them. When she took back the copies, it didn't work. So she sent it back again, and the second copies didn't work either. She was pretty pissed off then, so she brought along her drawers for them to make another copy that is sure to work this time! (Lolx... at such a thing to happen!)

While the key makers were fussing with the keys, we proceeded to the studio. For our last lesson, we finished up our Samba routine, with more emphasis on techniques this time. Hips motion and most importantly, how to move along the dance floor, in an anti-clockwise direction. We weren't really good about the moving part, our Samba was pretty much stationary, or mebe only moving a little the previous lessons. Thank God at the end of the lesson, we managed to get the hang out of it!!! We could even circle around the studio, repeating the routine at different positions, without messing up our direction of steps.

And we even learnt the classic Samba Roll!!! It wasn't anything for beginners actually, but Sifu decided to teach us that, as a farewell gift maybe? ^__^ That was a move I had wanted to learn for so long, for it always fascinates me how beautifully flowy this move could be if executed well. But yes, you saw that, 'IF EXECUTED WELL'. And frankly we didn't execute it anywhere near well. Looked pretty much like some move out of a puppet dance when we did it, stiff and awkward, and it cracked us up a lot watching ourselves in the mirror. *Now I understand why this move isn't meant for beginners!* Gotta work HARD on this!!! =p


Learnt the techniques of spinning too, under my request. Cuz boy, I suck at spinning, big time. So I had wanted to polish up my spinning techniques. Spent the last 15 minutes or so spinning in each direction and trying to balance myself, trying to spot, trying to look good, trying to spin in a straight line, trying to keep myself from getting dizzy... It was downright hard work for me. And the outcome? I suck less! =p


Before we left the studio, I took some photos with my sifu, it was hard work convincing her to do so, for according to her, she wasn't pretty enough for a photo shot. So after finally convincing her that she looked even prettier than me, she agreed; but still, not after she forced me to remove my dancing shoes. Reason, she didn't want me to look much much taller than her! So I did. But truth is, even barefooted, I am taller than her!!! Nyek nyek... ^_^


After that, Sifu fetched us home while dropping by the shop to get her drawers and keys back. I didn't follow her down but Chin Yaw did, and man, cuz of that I missed out a good show! =p Sifu reaccounted the story to me later when she got back into the car, and it seriously sent me into a laughing fit, though I wasn't supposed to. =p

So for dunno what reason, she was reckoned as a stupid woman by the key-maker, who told her that it wasn't the keys which weren't working, but it was that she used the wrong keys to open the wrong drawers! And for these new copies, they even put sticker labels for her, and explained to her which key was for which drawer as though explaining 123 to a three year old kid. Sifu was pretty pissed off, and replied him curtly that she wasn't that stupid of a woman as he thought, and that she DID try both keys for both drawers. So there was this little arguement I assume, and Sifu and the key-maker mutual blacklisted each other I suppose! But as Sifu is, she wasn't actually pissed off or angry, she was just exasperated and innocently hurt; which made me couldn't help but laugh at her misfortune. *damn bad, I know...*

Neways, I'll forever remember,

我不是那么蠢的一个女人!!!

死鸡撑饭盖？！！

不要污辱我的智慧！！！

Funny quotes from Sifu!!! =p =p =p

And as the day ended, we waved goodbye to Sifu, promising that I'll be back to visit her during CNY. Thank you, Sifu, for all the good times that we had. One day, Sifu, I'll be back again to learn, just as I always did. No I'm still not gonna give up, no matter how hard the journey could be. And hopefully by then, I can be better than I am now, able to soar just the way you wanted me to. ^_^

Till then,
Christine


*******

This might be the final part of my dance diary before it is sent to hibernate mode, for dance doesn't come easy once I am not in Ipoh... sigh...
Sometimes I feel really lazy to write, but I still do. For my writings keep the moments fresh, so that in future, if I ever missed the past, I could always read back on them, and savage in the tears and laughter of those memories. And most important of all, I wanna keep the memories fresh, for I'd loved every single moment with you, you and you... And I just don't wanna forget them, not one bit, even...

For One More Day

Changes; circumstances. And the latter just wasn't convincing enough to help me cope. So much that had happened over the past month, and frankly, I still hadn't got past it all. I wonder if everything would still be the same as this if I hadn't went home that faithful night? Sometimes life is so much about choices; and I made my choice. For what you said was true, the way things are heading, sometimes it's just best to let go. So long had I been hanging on, so long had I been giving everything, just not giving up. So long had this heart of mine been forced to break, over and over again... I was tired. But there was a greater reason, I know I musn't hold you back from your journey if you've decided to move on, and most importantly, to seek God again.


So I let you go. It sure hurts like hell, but in a way, I'm glad. I'm glad that you actually willed to renew your relationship with Him, though you'll be ending yours with mine. I'm glad from now on, you'll review your priorities; to place Him above me, and above all else. Yes, for this time, I could actually comprehend. No longer the dummy I was, I guess you are going to be proud of me this time. ^_^


At times, I still wonder if my choice was right. I wonder if you were right, saying that I'll be better off without this. You see, now that everything's over; I'm still as weary as ever, if not wearier. I still didn't feel any better, if not worse. I don't break anymore, I'm shattered.


Truth is, it's never easy. Especially for one like me who always suck at saying goodbye. No longer could I count the tears that I shed, no longer could I count the times I had to run to the toilet or hide myself somewhere and cry. So forgive me if I had to get up and run away at times, for the last thing I wanted is for you to see my tears again.

At times I really don't know how long it would take for the tears to dry.
At times I really think that this could actually kill me.
At times I really think that I would just die and live no more...

Yes, there are always times like these.

Why oh why would I always feel so helpless?
Helpless, bounded by the threads of sorrow.
Helpless, no longer able to control the tears from falling.
Helpless, just because I felt helpless...


Sometimes, I just don't know if I could ever really smile again. I can go running & hiking with my friends, I can enjoy a dance or two with my partner, I can laugh at lame jokes you made... At times like these, I though I could actually lighten up, and maybe move on with life; but yet, the truth is, I still couldn't. There's this large hole you left in my heart, which could never seem to heal completely. Not with staying late in the library where I won't feel confined and alone. Not with drowning myself in all the work I can find. Not with studying but actually not digesting anything. Not with laughing, and playing with my friends. Not with dancing or singing or running or playing pool...

Maybe I need more time. Maybe I need more prayers. Maybe I need God's strength to make me stronger.

Father, I pray you'll see me through, just as you always did.

Father, you're my only hope, all that's left for me now.

Father, please help me survive this, at least, for every one more day...?

Hear the pleas of your child in despair, dear Father.
And... Amen.