Or am I only dreaming?

I guess I was dreaming. For when I opened my eyes, you were gone... What made me think that you will come back to me? Had I really slept this long?
Guess it's time for me to wake up already.

If only...

I wanted to tell myself that one day everything will go back to what it was like. When it was just you and me. Your touch, your scent, your words, your lips, your eyes... Is there any chance there is? Why am I still waiting, after this long? Long gone promises are lying in the crypts, buried deep. How much chance do I stand? Why am I so stubborn when it comes to you?


I thought I smelled your scent yesterday. It was so familiar, it almost made me cry. It had been so long. I look around now, but I can't figure out where it come from. You weren't here, were you? It was just a dream, no? I was just there all alone, no?

No?

I could've loved you with all my heart if you would've let me. 

Dance Diary Part 13 - Of abs and tan... and being the black sheep... =(

Singapore/Johor comp is looming ahead. Only 4 more days to go. Think I am pretty doomed this time... =(
For one, I only just learnt my steps for the 3 dances that I joined (Rumba, Cha Cha and Samba) about a week ago. And I only attended 1 lesson plus 3 drillings before I MIA-ed back to Ipoh again. And now that I am back in KL, there are only 2 more drilling sessions to go before the BIG DAY.

*Gotta buck up supersonic speed, gal!!! These are international competitions, battle's gonna be TOUGH out there! Somemore it's Open category this time, no longer Beginners! 

Even in my studio alone, among the other competitors of my category, I am pretty much... the black sheep. The lousier oldest one. =( Especially my Samba, in the previous few drillings, I even had a hard time remembering the steps for the pretty-complicated routine. Teacher Merle was telling me, gal your Samba is below standard, gotta work it up!!! *opps =( =( =(*

Anyway gonna practice REAL HARD this week. One good thing is that it is still sem break and rotations are over, so minus the academic burden to worry about, I can focus more on my dance I hope. This might gonna be my last competition this year, since sem 5's gonna be darn hectic and all... and then it's those visa and PMS and flying overseas to continue my phase 2... I can't see any time in near future where I could slot in another competition, much as I wanted to. =( Sigh... guess I just gotta make the BEST out of this coming Johor/Singapore comp. It's gonna mean a lot to me. Gonna last me through the remaining of this year, at least. I gotta practice hard, and dance my best for the judges, teachers and audience. I hope I ain't gonna let anyone down, even though by the rate I am going now, I might already had. Sorry dear teachers, I will work hard even though time is sparse... gonna try my best and have no regrets! =)

On a side note, I had actually become pretty tanned lately; due to all the swimming and occasional runs walks. Kinda a good thing, at least my face will not look so obviously blackened by the caramel foundation like it did last time during my first competition! (I still remember my tanned-made-up face contrasting with my fair skin on my body... it was TERRIBLE! ishhh) I've come to learn to pre-tan myself after that. teehee... And am trying to build some abs too, by dancing and swimming. Gotta keep a real good bod to pull off my a-little-too-revealing costume. Any flabs or fat is gonna be very much visible as there is not much cloth to hide behind. Sigh... bad choice of costume. (next costume I make, it's certainly gonna have MORE CLOTH, and possibly some drapes... I love flowy ones... =P)


Signing off to bed... long week ahead!!! I'll leave you with,

Riccardo Cocci and Yulia Zagoruychenko Jive @ WSSDF 2010

Yulia, my inspiration, forever and always. *heart* She never fails to remind me the reason that I dance; and if ever I were on the verge of giving up on dancing when times were difficult, it is her who could always reignite my passion.

Know what does my heart secretly wish?

One day, I wanna be a great dancer like Yulia Zagoruychenko... =)

Dance Diary Part 12 - 8th National Ballroom Dancing Championship 2011

Status: Completed. 

My FIRST SOLO competition. It felt sooooo different, being out on the dancefloor alone. It was as if all eyes were on you, judging you, noticing every little move (and mistake) that you made... Especially when dancing in the finals, it was only down to 6 people on the floor, and THAT was downright scary. No kidding. 

Okay, let me back up a little. The competition was held on the 12th of June at Penang Bayview Beach Resort, the very same place that I went for my first competition last November. Very nostalgic, if you would ask me. But then again, it was a good thing to be familiar with the place, at least I know my way around, and I kinda could imagine how the competition would look like, the dancefloor and all... 

But then again, it was still a whole new experience in a whole new way. For one, the people going with me this time were pretty different. There were many new people, new friends and all.
And then it was the category that I joined, Solo Beginner. SOLO & PARTNERLESS. T___T
And then it was the dance that I were to do this time. Cha Cha and Jive. The 2 dances I am not really familiar with. Even during drilling, I had a pretty hard time improving my Jive. Somemore kena scolded many times by Uncle William and Aunty Merle! =( I remember 2 weeks before the competition, Uncle William was so frustrated when teaching me the Jive techniques that he fumed at me :" I don't even know why you want to join competition lar, dancing like this!!!"... =( =( =(

But somehow criticism pushed me to work even harder in my dance. I did practice really hard, allocating at least 2 hours per day dancing at IMU dance room, and that did not include the everyday drilling sessions at WLD. And I was glad I did that. I'm glad I didn't give up on myself even when everyone else seems to have no high hopes in me. For hard work did pay off as I managed to make my way through to the finals! As they recalled dancers from Heats to Semi-Finals and then Finals... it was almost exhilarating to see my number on the board each time. 

And there was even some problem in our category that made us had to re-dance the finals. According to the organizers  our Jive routine consists of some out-of-syllabus steps, and so Aunty Merle had to pull us aside and re-choreograph our routine on the spot, and then we went for the re-dance... >.<

And after all the hassle and mess, we got the results, and I got 6th placing!!! =) I kinda expected that, since my techniques were seriously lacking and I am so nervous till I might even be out-timing at times. But still, at least I got a placing!!! And it was already kinda what I expected! Especially when there were many other studio mates of mine who joined my category, and during drillings, they seems to be much better than me. I thought I'd maybe survived till semi-finals and get eliminated by my own studio-mates... it will be as far as I go and I'll be satisfied already. =P

Guess I'm pretty lucky this time. But then this gave me more motivation to try and do better for the next competition. And I was happy when Uncle William said to me after the competition that I actually improved a little, and Aunty Luisa also told me this is a good start and encouraged me to work harder and get better placing next time. Dear teachers, I will surely try to improve! Thanks for all your teaching and guidance this long, I love you all!   

My cert... No medals though... T__T Next time I'll try to get medals... that's my dream!

Some of my studio-mates who joined the same category as me 

My beloved teacher , Uncle William and I

My AWESOME technique class teacher, Aunty Luisa and I

Choon Wei the joker who graduated from IMU

Onn Rei gor gor... =)

Young Nisha with her charming-enough-to-kill eyes...O.O

And I met my sifu from Ipoh too!!! She was also one of the judges for the competition... It had been awhile since I had seen her. I'm glad to be able to catch her during a competition break and talked to her awhile and take photos! =) She brought along a few of my friends too for this competition, and I managed to catch up with them too after my event ended... =)

My former Sifu from Ipoh, Alice Hor

Sifu's husband, we call him JJ sifu =P

Somehow I ended up being in a group photo with my former teacher and my present teacher... AWESOME. =)

Till the next time!!! Sure wish there will be a next time! =)

Dance Diary Part 11 --- Dancing Alone

Yet again.

Partner wasn't free, wasn't interested, wasn't even dancing anymore these days... Guess he's been really busy, coping with life and exams and all. =( I don't blame him actually. In fact, I didn't even mention to him about this coming competition. For after knowing him this long, I had came to learn that he has his reasons. Part of them which I kinda know of; part of them might remain a secret he wouldn't have told me... But anyway, as a partner as well as a friend, I gotta learn to support him in his decisions. The girl I was last time would've been angry, would've threw a tantrum, would've even cried... but yet at one unknown point of time, I had learnt to leave that childish self behind. I might be sad, but after awhile, it wasn't so overwhelming anymore.


And so I am learning to make it on my own while he is away.. =(


And in that, standing up to face a new challenge in life --- dancing solo. I had only joined one competition before, and had been used to having a partner around; one whom I can hang onto for encouragements, support, courage, push-pulls, counting beats... even an arm or a shoulder to stabilize myself when we are out dancing on the floor. It was awesome, to know that there is always someone there by your side who got your back.

And yet, now it's all down to myself to save my own neck out there.

Moreover, it is going to be Cha Cha and Jive!!! The two fast-paced dances that I suck most at. To think about it, I barely even learnt any Jive before. For the millionth time I am wondering out loud, why oh why couldn't it be Rhumba Samba instead?!! Even Paso sounds better than Jive! Sigh...

Neways, guess I'll take this as a calling for me to learn some new dance styles and improve on what I am weak on. Afterall, I can't be dwelling in my comfort zone forever, or hiding in the shadows of a partner! I gotta be able to stand on my own two feet first, before I can shine for myself, as well as my partner.
Hence... lemme quote Barney Stintson --- Challenge Accepted! =)

I shall train hard, and see where it takes me. I might suck now, I might still be lousy by the time of the competition... but one thing I know, I will not suck forever if I did always try my best to improve.. One day, I could be good too. =)

P/S: Partner, will you ever come back? ='(

Have you forgotten your Angel...?

Angel I hear you, speak I listen, stay by my side, guide me; Angel my soul was weak, forgive me, enter at last, Master...

Choir was MUCHO fun! Even performed once, and it was an amazing experience. Moreover, it was "Phantom of The Opera" medley! My all time favorite songs... =)

I kinda miss singing Phantom...

Lately life had begun to speed up, much to my dismay. (time pass more quickly = summatives coming sooner) These days I had start to realize the fact that I am leaving IMU pretty soon. Just a few more months here; yet it seemed like just yesterday I was a noobie junior at orientation!!! Sigh... I'm starting to sound like some nostalgic old woman, please bear with me. But you see, much as I am excited about PMS, going abroad and all, it made me a trifle sad that I am leaving this place that I had grown so familiar with over the past years.

And the people too. You, you and you...

  

Had officially passed dance club down to the 'younger generation'. Guess it really is time for me to move on to the next chapter in life. Only hope is that in the next chapter, there will still be DANCE in it!!! =)

It was nice dancing with you guys... Those memories will stay en mi corazón forever. 

You'll know it when there is this someone who is always there for you, to protect you, and to guide you. They call it Guardian Angel.
See, I am sending an angel before you, to guard you on the way and bring you to the place I have prepared.  --  Exodus 23:20
Wonderful thought. I wonder who is my Guardian Angel?

And you,

have you forgotten your Angel...? =(

The walk was nice. Felt something like the way it used to be. How long had it been? I had really missed it. Gimme one wish and I would wish to have one day of the life as it was, back then. I knew I was happy.

Would be a nice ending, even to the saddest story.  

And as the story goes, 














I'll always be your Angel...

You are Special... =)

It always intrigues me how different people can be. Funny how could it be when we are all creations of the same Maker? When I was younger I would wonder; Lord, why is it that You make everyone of us different? Ain't there be disagreements? Ain't there be misunderstandings? Ain't there be war?...

As I grow older, I meet people, and I've come to realize, that in every unique individual we meet, there is something worth learning from them. The people you meet in your life, they make a mark on you somehow or rather, even if you might not notice it. 

I've long learnt not to be judgmental. For me, I never give anyone 'death penalties', instead, I always try my best to give everyone second chances. For I always believe that people CAN change. No doubt they have the ability to. It's often just a matter of will. 

Human minds are such wonderful creations. Our brains consist of the same primary structures, and yet, the mindset and thinkings that we develop later in life can be so contradicting with each other at times. I used to have this weird habit of asking people random questions to ponder upon. Questions about love, life, friendship, God, family... and almost everything. And the feedbacks that I get are always wonderfully insightful. There are the ones that speaks my mind spot on, and yet there are many that contradicts my thinking and beliefs, sometimes way off my tracks and boundaries. Fortunately, I could say that I am one who is pretty much open-minded. Hence for those who oppose my line of thoughts, I welcome them just as well, and I respect their thoughts just as much. I might or might not be affected by these surge of new inputs, but I always view them as a good thing. Opens up a lot of new perspectives, you see. Sort of widens my horizon, broadens my meek narrow mind. There is never too much to see, learn and experience... 

Which might explain why I love collecting quotes. I used to have this 'quote book' in which I jot down all the nice quotes that I came across; in the Bible, in the books I read, in the movies I watched, or even from the people I meet. Keeping a quote, it's like keeping a piece of someone's mind. You will ponder over how that quote came to be expressed, you will smile at it's relatedness, you will shudder at it's truthfulness... And many a time, when I came across a quote, there will be this certain someone on my mind. And so I will share with them, these essence of  man and literature. Because I am one who always believe that we should be more expressive of ourselves, and it's literally unhealthy to keep thoughts to oneself. 

I wish to be a psychiatrist. A counselor. A psychology consultant... reading and analyzing minds, helping people in the going. The anatomy of a human's mind, is far greater than that of a human body. So much yet to explore and understand and learn...!   

And still again, you are SPECIAL. =)

Do you know that you still haunt my dreams at night?

"While I sleep, I dream of you, and when I wake, I long to hold you in my arms. If anything, our time apart has only made me more certain that I want to spend my nights by your side, and my days with your heart." ~ Nicholas Sparks (Nights in Rodanthe)

Sem 4 so far is pretty relaxing, too empty, even. But days were unproductive, except for the dancing. And much as I enjoy slacking, I don't like unproductive days. *Buck up gal, in your dance and in your studies. At least, DO SOMETHING MEANINGFUL than to waste your days and weeks away!!! =(

I really should get myself going. I need to do better in my academics. I need to get better results in my next dance exam. (Big dreams, but I REALLY WANT to get Honours!!!) 

Dance Night coming up, gotta make sure things flow well for the night. Gotta make sure my probably last latin performance in IMU can be something memorable. Gotta make sure Dance Club is in good hands before I step down...

Prom is coming very soon too. I am not that hyped, not sure why. But then again, it's a once in a lifetime thing, I must make it there somehow. Wish it would be an enjoyable night, afterall. =)

My heart is not with me these days. I guess it's still with you, afterall. =( Broken and shattered, under your merciless feet... 

Maybe one day, I shall wake up from all the dreams that once haunted me. I shall wake, and see the dawn of a new day... =)






*so wanna read this book!!!*

And I miss you now...

How long had it been?
Since I last saw you.
I find I could not seem to recall your face as easily as I once did.

And your smell, your presence, your touch....

Fading steadily away...
I tried to close my eyes, tried to grasp hold of the frail memories of you...

but all is gone. Like shadow, like smoke. 

Was it all a dream?
Your smile, your warmth, your hold...

If it were, how I wish I could've never woke up...

Fading...
Your touch that once lingered on my skin.
Fading...
Your warm breath down my neck.
Fading...
The tingles you once sent down my body.

My hands,

don't wanna start again,

My hands,

no they don't wanna understand,

My hands,

they just shake it try to break whatever piece I may find... 

They just couldn't bring back to me the same feelings you once filled me with...
They couldn't even warm me in these cold nights as you always could...

I guess they just weren't the same as...

your hands.

*******
So fast I had climbed back up, just to fall into another pit-hole again. What was I thinking?!!

My mind forgets to remind me you're a bad idea,

You touched me once and it's really something,

You find I'm even better than you imagined I would be...

I used to be much cooler than this. But why oh why do I always lose my cool when I'm with you?

I'm on my guard for the rest of the world,

But with you, I know it's no good... 

And I had promised never to fall again! Sigh... My bad...

But guess I am one who'd rather hurt than to be heartless...

Dummy me. =(

*******
Sometimes I wish I could go back in time to undo some things.
Like words that I said... or should have said.
Like things that I did... Or did not do.

I should've studied harder.
I should've said something when that happened.
I should've hugged you and never let go.
I should've stopped you.
I should've stopped myself.
I should've the right mind to not keep loving you.
I should've cared less.
I should've paid more attention in lectures.
I should've worked harder in my dance.
I should've known my timing better.
I should've realized earlier.
I should've bought better shoes.
I should've read you better.
I should've listened to my friends.

I should've told you, I actually do love you... 

Too much that I regret of. If only I could go back and set it all right again... Would things have been different?



*******
Watched Penang International Dancing Championship 2010 on TV the other day.
Realized just how much I missed those times.

And I still do.

I miss dancing like we did before.
I miss learning and learning and LEARNING.
I miss the overloading knowledge. 
I miss trying to improve and impress.
I miss drillings.
I miss hanging out with danceworld family.
I miss the aching muscles, bruised toes, sweaty hands... but happy smiles.

I miss technique class and bronze class as they were like before.


*******
Sometimes, it felt like ages since my last real dance with you...

These days,I wonder if my Rumba will ever be the same again? =(

And I miss you now...

How I wish to go back to November again...

轻与重

轻，

是浮云般轻

是毛羽般轻；

生命所不能承受的轻。 

重，

是沉重之重

是沉痛之痛；

心灵所无法承受之重。 

我心

承载不了你的轻；

你心

负荷不了我的重。

所以都沉了，

碎了，

没了……

不复回。 

One step at a time...

Too old,
we are for Disneyland,
Peter Pan will never knock on your window;
Too much,

of fairy tales,

Story-time is long over;
Too fast,

you took your train,

ride it like a roller-coaster.

Didn't your mama ever tell you not to speed? 

But you took it 170 at the highways,

Just remember how to hit the brakes,

If you crash it'll gonna be painful,

I'll pray that no hearts will break.

One step at a time, take it slow,
Take your time look at the sights below,
You wish me to disappear but I gotta tell you what I know,
Wood last longer if you burn it slow;
And if you ever crash and burn,
I would hate to say this, but... I told you so,
I told you so...

Too old,
we are for the playground,
you tried the monkey bar but your feet touched the ground;
Too much,
of unknown in our future,
that we are yet to discover;
Too fast,
your embers caught the wood,
licked up the whole forest.

Din't your teacher tell you not to run in the corridors?
But you took it full speed down the rocky lane,
Just remember how to slow your pace,
If you fall it's gonna be painful,
I'll pray that no hearts be hurt.

Once again, take it slow,

Take your time look at the sights below,

You wish me to disappear but I gotta tell you what I know,

Wood last longer if you burn it slow;

And if you ever crash and burn,

I would hate to say this, but...

For the last time, take it slow,
Take your time look at the sights below,
You wish me to disappear but I gotta tell you what I know,
For I don't wanna see you cry,
And if you still crash and burn,
I will feel sorry for you, but I told you so,
I told you so...

Kay Kay Beeee!!!

Wasn't as bad as I expected. In fact, it was pretty FUN. Well, it wasn't perfect, wasn't wonderful; but then I would let them off and focus on the great things instead. *even the ridiculous scoldings we got every single day from nurse rita...? No!* =.=

Like the company maybe. Had a pretty good time with my roommates. 6 girls in a hostel room meant for 8 person. Not too crowded. We had real fun on the first night, playing a self created game which compromised of some drinking game + Truth or Dare... it was fun, really a wonderful ICEBREAKER!!! With lots of laughter, and a sore back (due to a limbo punishment in the end)... lolx... [Pity the guys who got our prank calls though...]

our room at the nursing hostel 

Hospital rotations were great too (apart from the constant presence of THE NOTORIOUS nurse rita) Seriously she is EVERYWHERE! (Even at the oddest hour, in the deepest heart of the Wad Bersalin where we were behind heavily-drawn curtains watching the nurses measure a dilation...) >.<
It was really a true-blue hospital setting, and it was kinda over-whelming for all of us at times. There were so many new things to be experienced and learnt, so many different cases, so many out-of-textbook cases we were yet to be exposed to... And many a time, we felt so small and humble by the fact that there are just so much medical knowledge that we don't know still.

So much I learnt, but the most significant, was to have more empathy to patients. It comes pretty naturally though, I would say. It was impossible not to empathize them when it comes down to really seeing them, talking to them, and getting their full history and all. (maybe a little TOO MUCH of empathy for our own good T__T)

And for the first time ever, I did really feel the desire to help them. It's not like in the past when people ask you, why do you want to be a doctor? You will tell them the standard answer, because I want to save lives and help people; whereas deep down you might not even mean what you were saying. This time around, my heart was the one saying that. And it was so unbelievable that it surprised me. I never was one who has the passion for being a doctor, saving lives and all, but now, maybe, just maybe... I had actually started to like this job a little? Maybe I'm learning. Maybe I'm changing. Whatever it is, I'm embracing it! ^__^

Initially I thought I was going to suffer there, but apparently I did not. Even the absence of internet (my drug) was bearable. Even the cold water baths at night I found refreshing. Even the unknown bugs flying around and biting me were forgiven. Even the dirty, hard bunk bed provided me with great nights of sleep. And the food there were NICE, I have to admit.

In fact, it awakened the carefree young village girl in me, one that was long forgotten and hidden among the layers of growing up. It was like I was transported back to the days when I was that little girl, living in that little village I was so fond of. To the life I had before I moved to Ipoh. Those childhood days where I never knew what was the internet, where I take cold water baths from wells, where I catch bugs and tadpoles, and run around barefooted, catching fishes in paddy field, watching stars and chasing the moon at night.
And I realized that even though I had long since moved on, I do miss those days sometimes... =(


Too much of nostalgic crap here, time to stop. =)

KKB, a nice learning experience, leaving me with much to ponder upon... 
Kinda helped me find myself again. 
I think sometimes we do need quiet isolation as such, so that we can finally get to listen to that little voice from deep inside our hearts...  

Dance Diary Part 10 --- My First Competition!!!

It was A.W.E.S.O.M.E. in capital letters! That was how I felt every single moment of it... ^___^

It was indescribable, unbelievable, almost a miracle. It was A DREAM COME TRUE! How wonderful. 

And still, now long after, my heart still flips in excitement when I think of it. Seriously.

Well, to say that I was not nervous at all, that'll be a lie. I had never been to a competition before, only exception was the KLDA one where I was working as a floor-runner. But even that time, I didn't really get to watch the dances because I had to arrange prizes and collect score-sheets ever so often. Hence, I had NO IDEA about many things. Even from the make-up & hair-styling, to how am I going to enter the dancefloor. And not-knowing did make me a little nervous. But I was blessed to have made many wonderful friends there, my 'danceworld family' as we all call it. They were lovely people, and I just have to thank them one by one for all their help and guidances throughout. Not only that, but also for all the fun we had together, and for making my Penang competition trip such a memorable one!!! Cheerio amigos! =)

And did I tell you? I met my beloved Sifu there! On that day as a judge, judging my category somemore. Ishh... somemore just at the moment I was off timing during Rumba semi-finals, my partner told me that she was practically STARING AT ME... OMIGOSH...!!! *cries*
Anyway, on the 1st night before the comp too I met her, at the lobby. And she was pretty as ever. Talked to her awhile, promised her to catch up with her when I am back in Ipoh, and gave her a big hug before saying goodbye. Truth is, I do miss her a lot. Glad that she seems fine! =)

1st day by the beach. Me and my roommates + Shi Teng who was staying with her family.

Me and Kathy

The abundant supply of food our whole room brought to Penang! =)

2nd day-- during competition day event... after our beginners' category was over

I seem to look tanned here, and I love it! =)

Cam-whoring in our room after the competition was over

All the pretty babes of Room 235 in sizzling hot latin costumes!!! ^______^

Here goes my acknowledgements: (lolx)

I would like to thank my wonderful roommates Kathy and Wai Ling for giving me a make-up tutorial the night before the competition. And also to Kathy for borrowing me her blue nail-polish.

I would like to thank Pui Yan for helping me with my lipstick and my hair.

I would like to thank Shi Teng for helping me apply my fake eyelashes and blusher.

I would like to thank Dana for borrowing me her brush.

Wouldn't have done it all without them. I'm a TOTAL NOOB at make-up and hair-styling. Argh... gotta learn next time!!!

And also,

I would like to thank Chloe Gan for the tips and advices for the competition.

I would like to thank Stephen for helping us take photos.  

I would like to thank Gary for providing us with food food and MORE FOOD!!! =)

And thanks to everyone else for the words of encouragement and the warm wishes!!! Love you all!!!

Not to forget my amazing instructors; Uncle William, Aunty Luisa, and Aunty Merle. Great teachers they are, taught us so much through this competition. Cherish their patience and passion. I'm just so sorry we didn't have more time to practice and be better than this, and that we must have dissapointed them... T__T 

I promise we'll work harder, and do better next time!!! 

Last but not least, ahem, my beloved dance partner, Cavin!!! (well, I am so not used to addressing him as beloved since we used to bicker most of the time, but then well yea, deep down, I do love him a lot! *as a friend lar, what you think?!! lolx...* ) Afterall, he is THE ONE WHO MADE MY DREAM COME TRUE!!! ^___^ For this reason alone, he deserves my wholehearted gratitude. He wouldn't know how much this means to me! =)

And this whole experience wouldn't have been complete without him. Brilliant guy he is. A way faster learner than me; I am amazed!!! There are so much for me that I could learn from him. I'm so blessed to have met him. Really.

Me and my partner Cavin

Nope, we didn't win. (mann, if we did, I would've slept hugging my medal for months!!! lolx...) We went through to semi -finals for Rumba (which made us really happy for we didn't expect to go any further than heats!) but for Samba we were out just after heats (from the feedback, it was due to lousy floor strategy, started too much to the corner, out timing in the beginning somemore... sorry!!!) 

Nevertheless, the entire experience itself was priceless. So many things I'd experienced throughout the competition. Everything was so new to me and my partner, that very often, we were amazed even by the smallest things; like young children exploring the world for the first time. It was indeed, an EYE-OPENER for both of us. And we enjoyed all of it, greedily and eagerly taking in every single detail, not wanting to miss even the slightest moment.

So many great dancers there were! And we can't help but to feel so lucky to be in Malaysia's biggest competition, to get to witness all of these. We watched, we cheered. For the young and for the old. For all were good. ^____^

After competition. Danceworld family photo!!!

Sadly as I do not own a camera, not many pictures were taken. But then again... every single scene and sight are already imprinted in my heart. =)

Dinner outing after competition

3rd day --- CRAZY FUN BY THE BEACH!!!
We played beach volleyball, raced each other, tried to throw each other into the water, buried PuiYan in sand, swam in the pool... it was a wonderful time! Great bonding too! =)

The danceworld hot babes hitting the beach!

Thank you, dear Father. For all these. I knew You had plans, and that You ALWAYS give me the BEST plans ever!!! Thank you, thank you so much dear Lord... You know how much this means for me. I couldn't thank you enough for all the blessings You've granted me. So I can only promise you dear Father, to try and do my very best to glorify your name. Now and forever, counting my blessings and giving you thanks... Amen, Father. I love you.   

Gotta get going, mountain-pile of notes are awaiting. EOS 3 is beckoning. I've got no time to waste if I still want to survive past sem 3. Sigh... reality, reality. I've come to learn, you always have to wake up eventually... T____T

Till the next year, 18th Penang Championships! *I do so hope I could make it there then!*

In the meantime, what is the pathogenesis of Adult Respiratory Distress Syndrome?

p/s: credits to Shi Teng, Pui Yan, Kathy, Seah & Yoong Ruey for the photos! =)

Dance Diary Part 9 --- The Day After Tomorrow =)

So it is. MY BIG DAY. And also for all the dancers out there; OUR BIG DAY. ^___^

17th Penang International Ballroom Dancing Championships 2010

I'm really looking forward to it. My FIRST EVER LATIN DANCE COMPETITION!!! Something I had been wishing for all this long. It had been hell of an experience for me, this past month. And I know, it's just gonna get better and better. =)

Never been dancing this much of latin since like... forever? And I just LOVE it. Over the past week, we had intensive practices (or "Drillings" as they call it) every single day, right from 2pm to 11pm. And it's all serious no-play-play matter. Drillings as the name goes, are indeed drillings. We sweat out, work out to the max. But it was fun. Real fun. And I learnt a lot throughout. Private lessons before that were wonderful too. Taught me so many things that I had never known before. And made me realize there is just soooo soooo much more to go... It just motivates me and pushes me to yearn for more knowledge, and to improve myself more and more, one step at a time!!! I shall surely work hard (if time allows me T___T) !!! =)

Made many new friends too; most were younger, some were my age or older. They are really nice and friendly people. Made me feel so at home, even when I am so new to the studio. We share, we care, and we help each other out. We talk, we joke, we have fun together... as Aunty Merle said, we are FAMILY. And yeah, I am glad. This was what I had always looked for, someplace I could BELONG. Somewhere I could feel at HOME. ^_____^

Okie, now I realized I sound a little corny... ahahaha... ahem ahem...

Anyway, I'm packing my luggage now. Not really sure what to pack, because it's all so new and unknown to me, I don't even know what to do, what to expect, hence, what to prepare. Nor do I have any idea on how to makeup or how to do my hair. I hope someone would help me then!!! >.<

Guess I just gotta bring what my intuition tells me to bring then! And pray that it'll be sufficient enough to last me through... ^__^ I guess most importantly I should not forget to bring my costume and dance shoes!!! (if forget these then JIALAT lar... >.<)

Gotta resume my packing, and try to get some sleep after that. Penang, here I come! Weeeee!!! =)

Pain is gain?

Okie. I'm back in my bloggie after so friggin' long. My Plurk karma already dropped to zero... >.< Sorry bloggie for leaving you deserted for this long. Haven't been free to drop by. Forgive me.

Even now, unfinished work are pilling up on me. Summatives are over, but still... long way to go. Notes to arrange, clothes to wash, a competition to train for, dance club activities to plan and organize, CSU practices, a contemporary routine to learn, problems to solve... and the MAJOR 'POTONG STIM' --- EOS 3 in January!!! 

Work work work. Imma not let myself slack.

No time to lick my wounds. No time to nurse this broken heart. No time even to feel the pain.


I guess I just had to, had to do things... differently now. I had to make my heart harder, colder, stronger.
A strong woman I shall be. ^___^

It really isn't that hard now that I am used to it. And well, I have my dance. And dance could always make me feel better at the end of the day. Like it cheers me up, refreshes me... Don't ask me how though. I don't really know. =)

It's 9pm. Gotta go. Dance training starting soon. Gotta get myself ready. (ouch, my feet hurts from all that dancing! But no pain, no gain?) I promise I will be back here at least once more before leaving for Penang. Maybe if I have time, to catch up with what I had missed out all this while. ^___^ Ciao?

Signing off...

THE girl, I bet she's beautiful...

yesterday... once more? ):

They can take the future that we'll never know

They can take the places that we said we will go

All the broken dreams take everything

Just take it away but they can never have yesterday

omigosh omigosh... I couldn't get that off my mind. FML

Your eyes. Your eyes at that very moment.

Why avoid my gaze? Why look the other way?

Your voice. Your voice when you said those words.

I could hear the crack. I could feel the pain.

And all I could do was to STONE.


Is that the best you can do, gal?!! F*** you noob, you noob!
Should've touched your hand... Should've given you a hug... Should've at least said something...


Damn! I can't forgive myself! T___________T

......................

......................

......................

Well, no point regretting, what's done is done. What's not done is... not done. At least you were fine after that. (Or so I think =.=)


I know I could be stubborn at times. A little noisy and annoying, maybe. Pretty childish-ly mischievous, even.


Yes, the way I jumped around all the time, and asked too many questions.
Yes, the way I keep pestering you to allow me to tag along.
Yes, the way I stuck my tongue out at you when you didn't let me stay on.


But I love you.

When we had so much in store

Tell me what is it I'm reaching for

When we're through building memories

I'll hold yesterday in my heart

Yes, I will hold you close to my heart, forever.
Promise.

I know I'll see you again, I'm sure

No, it's not selfish to ask for more

One more night, one more day

One more smile on your face

But they can't take yesterday

Will I see your smile again? ):
For the nth time in my life, I hope that yesterday never did end...




gal, you ask for too much sometimes... Grow up! Move on! *slaps myself*

********************

Me gonna miss you... *sobs sniff sniff breaksdown*

As ever...

Heart beating, broken, shattered?
I'm still pacing, running, chasing.

Trying, trying hard to walk away

But always ended up here again,

I need to look away,

But looking from this distance again,

Couldn't get nearer; couldn't leave either,

I'm lost in this masquerade.

Stop breathing,
Cuz every breath I take is you;
Stop looking,
Cuz every sight I see is you;
Stop dancing,
Cuz every dance comes from you;
Stop singing,
Cuz every song I sing is your name.

Don't wanna look into your eyes,

For I know I'll never be able to look away.

If you ever know,

You're the reason I'm still here pacing,

Why I knew the darkness of the corridors at ten,

Why I knew the quietness of the streets at two.

是这一种距离，
那隔着玻璃的静寂……
难受，真的很难受……

I already gave you my heart, what more do you want from me?

This night is long.
And you never picked up the phone.
Wonder if you would ever care to get back to me?

But as ever, I'll be waiting.

Don't leave me out here dancin' alone...

One Of The Angels...

I had tried to stop myself from doing this; but gosh, I HAD TO tell you guys about my current flame!!!

*drum rolls*
*hysteric dance*
..........
.......................
..............................
.....................................
.............................................

It's none other than... OUR GIRL, DREW BARRYMORE!!!

Say hi, angel!!!





















Had been spending my whole holidays drooling over her catching up with all of her movies. Simply awesome FTW. Drew is somewhat queen of chick flicks, and I LURVE chick flicks!!!

Chick flick recommendations: 50 First Dates, Music and Lyrics, Ever After and Never Been Kissed



"Charlie's Angels" a MUST WATCH, totally kicks ass!!! And "Poison Ivy" is my favourite Drew Barrymore movie. She was eighteen then; soooo drool-able, sizzling hot, smoldering sexy with her so-kissable pink lips, bare slim waist, extremely low-cut top, clad in tight short skirt displaying her long flawless legs... Seriously seductive.



I'll go Bi for her. Anytime. =P (You too J.Lo, no worries, I hadn't forgotten you)


"Do I like women sexually? Yeah, I do. Totally. I have always considered myself bisexual. I love a woman's body. I think a woman and a woman together are beautiful, just as a man and a woman together are beautiful. Being with a woman is like exploring your own body, but through someone else. When I was younger I used to go with lots of women. Totally - I love it." ~~~ Drew Barrymore


LOLOLOLOLX.... Apparently Drew had the same thoughts... *wink*




















Could you imagine how a fine woman she grew up to be?
And she was oh-so-adorable in ET, when she was just 7 years old.
Another amazing thing is that, now at 36, her looks haven't really changed!!!


"You find yourself talking to friends about work and your life, and you wonder if it is all going to be OK - 'Is this going to work out, what is going to happen?' Now, I don't feel as if I know it's going to be OK, but I don't feel it is going to kill me. I've got a good perspective on life now. It's like, 'We are going to get through this."

"It's the best time of my life - it's not traumatic at all. I don't think I've ever been happier. It's like the older I get, the better I get. Gravity and wrinkles are fine with me. They're a small price to pay for the new wisdom inside my head and my heart."

She's even happy about ageing. *salud*


Plus, what I love about her, is her optimism. She has this perspective about life that is so beautiful, and... strong. I can't really find an appropriate description for her personality, but I could just say that it captivates me. The way she carries herself, it was so grounded. Thing is, she never tried to act flawless, instead she dared to be imperfect (especially the mess her life was in when she was much younger), to take risks, and to dream. Interesting.



"There's something liberating about not pretending. Dare to embarrass yourself. Risk." ~~~ Drew Barrymore

"I'm happy and I think happiness is what makes you pretty. Happy people are beautiful. They become like a mirror and they reflect that happiness." ~~~ Drew Barrymore

Absolutely love her many quotes.
My wifey rocks!!! ^__^

Aww, I'm in love, again, with another woman. Not good. =.=
...................
...................
Who cares? =P

Time to go!!! I'll leave you with ---

I just can't get enough of you, Drew...

Hurt

4th August 2010

It's a month into Sem 3. CVS is officially over. Moving on to Respi next week... Workload is suffocating. Such a wonder to think what merely a month could do to you! And it's even wonderful to think that Sem 3 would last for 7 months at least?!

It builds you or destroys you. Saves you or kills you.

Sem 3, don't kill me, please. I still have many unfinished wills. Have mercy, I beg thou.


It's an hour past midnight now. Today was downright tiring, but I still ain't sleeping. Lecture notes to catch up with. AIR topic untouched yet with deadline looming ahead.


Samba class today was nice. While it made me realize just how much I miss dancing, it made me realize too just how much I SUCK AT MY DANCE. My Samba was lousy, I know. By the way William laughs at me, I just knew that I'm merely a dissapointment to my Sifu.

Sifu, Sifu... It had only been a month, actually. But it sure felt like decades that I havent seen her already.

I miss her. I really do.
If only she knew.

And yet again, she was so far from me. So... distant, to put it in a better way. And no, it's not the problem with how many kilometers we are apart.

At times, I would wonder; if there were this one moment, that she truly loved me at all? Sometimes reminiscing the past, I thought there really were moments as such. The times she touched my hands, the times she looked into my eyes, the times she ran her hands over my hair... and even recently during her anniversary dinner, when she called me over to her side, wrapped her arm around my waist, and demanded the photographer to take a picture of us together...

It was times like those, when I would feel that she truly loved me as a student of hers, and not think of me as a passerby who comes and goes. Truth is, my heart was always there...


It broke my heart, the day Ah Nee Aunty said that I wasn't considered a student of my Sifu. Ouch. How much it hurts, to have the only teacher that you've known and loved telling you right in your face, that she had never considered you as her student.

But in this case, Sifu wasn't there, so I didn't know if that was what Sifu thought of me all this while, or was it merely Ah Nee Aunty's perception? I really really wanted to know what my Sifu truly thinks about me.


You see, nowadays, I just didn't dare to be so sure about anything anymore.

And it breaks my heart to think that love was merely my own perception, and that she never really did give a damn about me.


I wonder if I had ever hurt her in any way. I'm pretty sure I didn't.

But before I did even hurt her, she hurt me first.

She hurt me, by being so skeptical, expecting me to leave even when I am not going to. By doubting me, building walls to keep me away when all I ever did was loving her and trying hard to protect her feelings.


I didn't cry when I was seven and had my eye operation.

I didn't cry when I was ten and had a piece of my flesh cut out by the doctor to perform a skin test.

I didn't cry when I was fifteen and menstrual pain sent me rolling in my bed.

I didn't cry when I was nineteen and a metal rod was pierced right through my flesh and came out the other end.

But I cried the night after I heard what Ah Nee Aunty said.

I cried the first 3 times Sifu didn't pick up my call.

I cried merely at the thought of her dis-owning me, perhaps?

Call me a cry-baby. I cry, because I care. Cared so much.
Cared TOO MUCH, perhaps...


Will be going back this Thursday. I would so wish to see her.
Just to see how she was doing. Visit and talk, maybe yum cha? ^_^
The last time I managed to call her, she was sick. And I was worried. That was about 3 weeks ago? Should have recovered by now. Guess I'd better check on her.

Most of all, check to see if she is happy. With life, with everything. Just wanna make sure that no one, or nothing hurts her further. As long as she is happy, I'll be happy for her too.

Ohhh, and to tell her I love her! I guess everyone would be happy to be loved, right? ^___^

My own questions, maybe I could leave it till later? Or maybe I just wouldn't want to spoil her day. I had contemplated for so long, but everytime I see her, I could never bear to ask. Instead, I try my best to always cheer her up, because seeing her happy smile makes everything wothwhile I guess.

Because she is awesome.

She was and forever will be, my beloved Sifu;

the one who taught me everything I know now,

the one who believed in me even when the whole world didn't,

the one who fetched me to her studio when my parents refused to send me,

the one who made me laugh, made me cry, and made me grow along the way...

You were so right, I'm really a dummy, am I not? ^___^

But I'm happy enough as it is. That's all that matters I guess!

Happenings?

Life had never been so happening before. Seriously this post will look like a thesis if I were to write about all these stuff I had over the past months...

I didn't know that being a sem 2 medical student in IMU is THAT busy. I didn't know that the workload could be so suffocating. I didn't know that time could pass so fast. I didn't know that exams could be so stressful it can drive you nuts...

Thank God I am still pretty sane after all that turmoil of EOS 2.


I'll forever remember the desperate measures we came up with, to memorize the never-ending list of viruses, pharmaco, antimicrobials...
EBV (en en's disease =p) with infectious mononucleosis, JC & bak-ku-teh, the fierce mother story of Picornaviridae...
Terfenadine, Loratadine... Trimetaphan, Hexamethonium...
4 generations of Cephalosporin's story...
My self-created Ovulation Phase Contemporary Dance...
And not to forget the most well-known JOINT DANCE... (credits to Pak) =p =p =p


I'll remember the late night studying in Sg.Besi McD. Drinking coke for the caffeine and sugar rush to keep ourselves awake up till 5am.
I'll remember the 4 consecutive days of eating nasi goreng kampung.Ill remember the days of unkempt hair, dark eye circles, the forever tired look, and holding notes wherever we go.


Oh, and had I told you yet, I changed church? Frm ACTS to New Life Restoration Centre. Felt much more at home there...


There were pretty much happenings in my dance life too, at least, more than I expected. And srsly, I'm really thankful to God for all these wonderful opportunities given to me. And also for all the nice friendly people I got to know along the way.


KLDA is a pretty nice place, I've come to know. The people there were friendly, and I adore the big open spaces and smooth polish floor. Got to attend a ballroom dance workshop, learnt some little detailed tips and insights of Waltz and Tango. But with what little that I knew, I am still very very far behind in Ballroom. Guess imma focus on my Latin first. ^_^






The best still, was working as volunteer at the KLDA Rising Star Competition. I was assigned as floor runner (the one who runs around collecting score sheets from judges after every dance) and also to help out with the prizes onstage (literally meaning arranging and giving out prizes to presenters). It was a wonderful experience all in all, it was my first time watching a live competition, and to be involved in the organising team, even though a small role it might be, it was more than I had asked for. *And I got appreciation flowers!* Awesome eye-opener for me.. O.O (thanks a zillion, Kevin, for giving me the chance!!!)


What's more, I was elected IMU Dance Club President!!! Okie, you guys might think what's the big deal about it, but to me, it means a lot. A pretty 'dead' club it might be now, but I still LOVE it. Dance is like the only getaway for me from all the madness of my uni life, like a sip of iced-tea on a hot summer's day...=p Frankly, I've never been any president for anything before, so yea, a challenge it is. But challenge shall I stand up to. To try my best to raise a 'dead' club back to life, to introduce, and to spread the love towards this wonderful form of Art among all of IMU community. To spread the gospel of dance... gosh, I sound like some minister here. But then again... yay!!! And I'm glad to have a bunch of real awesome committee to back me up, together we can do this!!!



TO kick off, we had already arranged a couple of dance classes in IMU, hip hop and latin... hopefully more to come! And the classes were great. I joined both classes, and had lots and lots of fun with my friends there. Although I SUCK BIG TIME in Hip-Hop, the nights we spent sweating through our routines and laughing at each other's funniness totally ROCKS. And the late night drinks at the roadside mamak!!! ^_^


Latin wasn't a breeze either, in fact, it kicks ass! For one, it was Salsa, which I had totally NO IDEA how was that dance like. And the instructor was Mr. William, my sifu's sifu!!! Which is scareee!!!! Which means my sifu will know, what a DISGRACE I am. T__T


And as I expected, Mr William did tell her about me. They refused to tell me the contents, but I figured out it might not be anything good? And trust me, you wouldn't want to know how badly Sifu teased me when I got back to her. She's really ADORABLE. =P

And oh, she said she'll train me for medalist test, if I want. I had always though she never had plans for me, but she did. Maybe, after all these years, I had finally become more and more a student of hers?
Maybe, maybe. ^_^


In the meantime, I gotta enjoy my holidays to the VERY FULLEST!!! Imma getting my private lesson next Wednesday! *excited*
And studio's anniversary dinner is coming soon! *looking forward*

Life is just so wonderful when there is dance... ^_^