Friday, November 7, 2014

New blog, new phase in my life

So I have finished med school. And am finally back on my miserable little blog, after nearly a year since the last post. (whoa time flies!)

I was thinking maybe I should open up a new blog; one dedicated to my life as a doctor. Maybe something that looks more simple, and... grown up (besides, this bright pink background is starting to annoy me and I know I could change the template/colour scheme but am too lazy haha).

Anyway, so yeah, it's official. I shall be posting on my new blog from now on. (the link's HERE , if anyone still bothers to read the things I write..hmm...)

Don't fret, I will still keep this blog running just for old times sake. There are so many memories in here, from wayyyy back in 2008! It had seen me through my late teenage years; all that anguish, all the identity crisis, the emo phases, the fangirl-ing and so forth. It is strangely nostalgic to look back and see how much I have grown over the years; all the things I've been through, that brought me to where I am today. Still, a walk down memory lane is always good for self-reflection and growth. Some things have long since changed, but some things still remain. And I sincerely hope the changes are for the better.

If there are any faithful readers out there who have been reading my blog all along (honestly I am not sure anyone would read all my crap, but if there is, WHOA THANKS A LOT FOR THE SUPPORT!); maybe you might be able to see my progress throughout the years too. Maybe you can tell better than I do. Afterall, things are often clearer if viewed from an unbiased distance. Heh.

Yet again, new blog, new phase in my life. I'm all nervous and excited!

We'll see how it goes. =)

Welcome to my new blog

Sunday, November 10, 2013

Dance Diary Part 17 - Hello Boys!!!

The Hello Boys --- I just learnt a few weeks back that it was the much cooler name for The Wrist Seat. Can totally get where the name came from! Ahem... surely not the most decent pose to strike but who cares. =P 

Here's another picture of The Wrist Seat aka The Hello Boys for those who are clueless about what I am talking about.

It looked awesome on video so I decided to try it. Got a few tips from my teacher Jamie too. Took me about a week and multiple unsuccessful attempts and sore wrists.. but guess what, I CAN FINALLY DO IT!!! The trick was to get the wrist directly under your bum to support your weight (which can be pretty taxing to your wrist) and with the dominant hand up top to kind of support yourself while you lean back and spread your legs. *cough cough now it sounds wrong*

Also this is already week 10 of my pole-venture and updates:
  • Basic spins - checked (still need work on my bracket grip though)
  • One handed basic spins - checked (on static pole, not quite yet on spinning pole though)
  • The Cradle - checked

  • Inverted grip moves - checked (I'm really improving on my inverted grips!)
  • The Carousel + Carousel Spin - checked (I am so happy I finally got this!)

  • The Hello Boys - checked (WOOHOO!!!)
  • Basic Climbing - checked (gotta work on the other grip styles though)
  • Crucifix , The Seat and Extended Seat - checked
  • Hip Lock and Drop - half-checked (got into the hip lock position, but not able to drop yet)
  • Butterfly Handstand - checked (Thanks Sarah for spotting me in the beginning!) 

  • Basic Inversion - checked yay! But not strong enough to go hands-free into Inverted Crucifix yet (Thanks Jamie for giving me a push the first few times when I wasn't strong enough to pull myself up!)

I don't know if I had mentioned this already but I really am falling in love with this dance! And I love how much fitness there is in it too! It's like going to a really fun gym (sorry but I hate mundane work outs eg weights and treadmills) and I get to work all my muscles the fun way!!! Especially upper body strength and core. Omg I had such weak arms and such lousy core. Sarah (my other teacher) was like: "Gotta work those skinny chicken arms!" (it's even worse than chicken legs I suppose, as chickens don't even have arms!) 

Anyway, I'm glad I'm actually working out again. It had been wayyy too long since I quit gym (and subsequently my latin-ballroom social class) and since then, I have turned into this big fat blob of wobbly jelly with disproportionately skinny arms. Time to get back in shape!!! Hazzah!  

So homework for after exams (yes I was on hiatus again due to exams):
  • Work on my bracket grip (why can't I get it yet! *frustrated)
  • Continue working my upper body strength and my core (hopefully lose some weight and get more muscular too)
  • Work on getting into handstand position front-on
  • Get strong enough to lift myself with ease into a basic invert
  • Work on my Inverted Crucifix, that is to condition my legs to be strong enough to grip on while I let my hands go
  • Work on my Corkscrew Spin & Achilles Spin
  • Work on my Pixie Up 
  • Learn some new moves (eg: Straddle Spin, The Butterfly...)

And probably eventually be good enough to learn The Flag Figures!!! 

Not sure what the name of this move is, but I'll call it Pseudo-Flag (medical term alert!)

And my ultimate dream move!!!

Till the next update. Hopefully I will bring more good news. 


Sunday, September 29, 2013

Dance Diary Part 16 - Pole-Dancing

Yup you didn't read my title wrong.

Funny how people used to say: When God closes a door, He opens a window? Yeah, God is good. In the midst of my despair, about half a year after I left the only little studio here where I had my latin/ballroom/new vogue social classes (that alone is a long story); He opened a window for me --- pole-dancing.

I know you might laugh. I remember how back in Malaysia, everyone has this impression that pole-dance = stripper = hooker. I had always begged to differ, though I never really had the courage to take it up back in those days. But back then I had my Latin, and it was always enough for me. But no, unlike most of my studio-mates I was never that skeptical about pole dancing, I've always seen it as an art, just like any other dance. And it was my first pole lesson that I came to realize that it is that, and more.

I remember when I was 17, I went for my first Latin dance class. It was Cha Cha. And I fell in love with it right from the first chasse.

I was brought back to that memory when my pole instructor, Jamie taught us the first spin, The Fireman. I was glad, so pleasantly surprised that I found myself in love with this new dance, just the way I did 6 years and a lifetime ago. I thought I might find it with Salsa, Burlesque and everything I had tried since then, but it was Pole that got to me.

And now it is week 5 since that first faithful lesson. And I just have to say, I love it even more. How on earth could I have not discovered this dance right from the first day I am here in Tassie? Why oh why did I wait almost 2 years before I started? Two long agonizing years. =(

I should've trained harder too in the past years. Now I have pathetic upper body strength, and since it is a pre-requisite for pole dancing, I am pretty much struggling whenever it comes to holding body weight up on the pole (eg: the V grip, The Pencil, Pixie Up etc). Gotta train hard starting from now! At least get strong enough to do men push-ups (okay don't laugh but I can never do men push-ups, only the girly ones)...

So new checklist:

  • 20 push-ups per day (increase by 5 every day & hopefully convert to men's push up in time)
  • 3 minute planking (increase by 15 secs per day)
  • Weights (start with 5kgs, at least 10 reps for each muscle group)
  • Work on my handstand
  • Practice the V grip and master it for all my spins

The V Grip for The Fireman
  • Work on my Butterfly Spin and some other variations (I forgot their names)

  • Work on The Pencil and Pencil Spin
  • Perfect my Seat, Crucifix and Extended Seat variations
The Seat
Extended Seat - variations

  • Learn the Wrist Seat!!! 
One day that'll be me!

That should be enough for now. Till the next lesson where I'll have to add The Cradle to my list...

Gotta work those barely-existing muscles!!! *feeling motivated*

Spinning off,

Thursday, September 26, 2013

Dance Diary Part 15 - Of A Little New Life

Oh how long had it been? Since my last dance diary in Aug 2011. It's really about time. It makes me sad to think that my dance journey has actually been on hiatus for two whole years! Surely there are the little bits and pieces; like a couple of salsa classes and social dances and picking up New Vogue... but there wasn't much Latin at all. I was devastated... I still am. There is always a part of me that feels like I've failed myself and my teachers.

Where was that promise of continuing to dance wherever I am, whatever I do? (I do still dance, but it's not Latin, and it'll never be the same)  
Where were those dreams and passion and determination?
What about never ever letting that part of me go? 

Without dance, I am just another cold, pompous little soul in a white coat, stuck in a dead-end job, going about the same routine for the rest of my life. What about variations, what about versatility?

It had been half a year since I last did any Latin, even socially.
It really kills me, leaving my single greatest dream.

But then suddenly out of the crypts of my despair, out of the carcass of my fallen dreams, there is something new. It is only tiny, but great. Never as great as its predecessor, but it might... might just be enough for me. And that is all I am seeking for at the moment. A little piece of myself I can still grasp in my hands. A little something that makes me still feel REAL despite everything. And I desperately needed that.

Till the one day I can live my dreams again. No I've never forgotten, Yulia, blackpool and all of it  =)

Signing off,

Sunday, August 11, 2013

One Day

There is a story I need to finish.
The one about you.
I started up to Chapter 2. And then it was too hard to go on without tears blurring up my vision.

Too painful to recall, too difficult to write about.

How could I ever describe your smile? Your eyes? Your voice? Will my words ever do you justice? Does perfect even come close to summing you up as you are?

Would you ever believe there is this girl who is so crazy about you?
Would you, in your new life, ever think about her, even so fleetingly?
Would you... ever love her back? 

One day, I'll finish my story. One day, it'll get easier.
Guess I just needed more time. Although it is about 300 days now, and counting.

Maybe then, maybe then.

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Picking Up The Pieces

How long will I be picking up the pieces?
How long will I be picking up my heart? 

I guess it would be forever.

I had a dream last night. It was her, but somehow it was you. I knew it was you because it felt more like you. She was beautiful, but you were perfect. And it was perfect in my dream.

How warm was the embrace! There was no where else I would like to be.
How close together were our bodies! I could feel your heart beating against mine.
How intense was the feeling inside! I could almost see it spilling out into the atmosphere. 

Planting soft kisses down your neck... feeling your hot breath on mine.
Am I to dream only in my dreams?

Sweet sweet scent of hers; yours.
It was you I had always loved. In a thousand lives, in a thousand years, in a thousand places. It will still be you.

We held each other tight. A drop of tear trickled down my left cheek. The only thing that could be real.

When I wake up, you'll be gone. And I know I wouldn't be able to find you, just as always. Not in any faces that I see. Not in a thousand cities, not on any day or night. You're here, but never will be.


I really miss you, you know?

Monday, March 11, 2013

Who am I now?

I am so sorry. It feels like I am straying away from all that I had ever wanted in life. Away from dance, away from writing and blogging, away from everything that I used to love and enjoy. And trust me, I used to love A LOT of things. But now, it seems as though I am too old and too tired for any of them. As a medical student, my hypochondriac nature kicks in, is this the early signs of depression?!!
Oh please don't. Last thing I want is to juggle depression when there are so many more issues in my life to handle right now.
Forth year is crazy. Just crazy. DOCTORS HAVE NO LIFE. I am sure of that. I am not yet a doctor, but I already had NO LIFE. And there is NO WAY it will get any better from hereafter. Everyday I am running on the same routine --- 7.30am to 7/10pm in the hospital; back home to cook, clean, bathe, tidy, study and sleep. And when I open my eyes the next day, the same cycle begins. I mean hospitals are alright, there are interesting times too, babies and kids are cute, I get to do much more stuff... but there is constantly a weak little voice shouting inside my head saying; this is wrong. This is so terribly wrong. Life isn't supposed to be like this. Not just like this. 
There used to be so much more.

When will I ever have time anymore for dance classes, social dance nights, dance practices, dance-choreographing, drooling at Yulia Zagoruychenko...?
Where are the good old days of hanging out with my friends, jamming away in the music room trying to make rockstars out of ourselves?
Where are all my dreams, my aspirations, my ambitions? Why don't I feel inspired anymore? Why don't I feel motivated anymore?
Will I ever be that girl I used to be? The one who has the energy and passion for everything beautiful; believes in life and love; indulges in art and creativity, always trying to look at the world through different lenses and letting her imaginations run wild; tuned to her emotions; open to all possibilities and in awe of all wonders of the world...

I realize I can no longer be that girl again.
I think I lost all that I am, all that I ever had. I don't know who I am anymore.
These days I can't even feel anything. My heart's just blank most of the time. And frankly, the blankness scares me.

I am even struggling to write right now.

I guess I'll sign off. Till the next time, hopefully I would have been less of a mess then. I need to get my head around, pick up the pieces, gather myself up. Reorganize my thoughts. Remotivate myself. Find new inspirations. Learn new things. Get over being depressed. Get over you.

Yes, it is definitely a valid diagnosis. CHRONIC DANCE DEPRIVATION.
Prognosis: Poor (at times fatal) if not promptly managed.

Stupid brain. Thinking in medical terms again. Gotta go before I start writing an admission for myself. Tata.

Monday, September 10, 2012

If this were a song...

If I can write a song,
I will write one for you,
but sorry I don't know any music.
If I can paint a picture,
It'll be a picture of you,
but sorry I have no gifted touch.
If I can make you happy,
I'll try my best for you,
to make you feel like the luckiest girl in the world,
But sorry I don't seem to be the one.

I know this is not much,
not much at all,
But this is the only thing I can do,
to write a little something for you.
If this would ever be a song,
You might not know,
But yes it is for you.

Have I ever told you,
How I love your eyes?
They sparkle like stars in the sky,
of gold and green or grey... sorry I'm not really sure,
Truth is I never dare to look for long,
For fear you could see,
All this feelings I have inside me.

Have I ever told you,
How I love your smile?
Bright and warm as the summer sun,
Takes my breath away every single time.
So I tried all I could,
just to see that smile on your face;
Hope I didn't look too silly,
I just wanted to see you happy.

If I had a recorder,
I hope you don't mind if I save your voice;
How you called my name,
How you laughed,
How you ordered me around...
And if I would listen to it someday,
I know it'll put a smile on my face,
Helps me remember you better,
When you're long gone away.

If you'd ask me what I am feeling,
I would tell you,
There's nothing I wanted more
Than to kiss you right now.
But then again probably not,
I might lie and say I'm feeling fine,
For this shall be a secret you can never know.

I think writing this makes me sad,
But why am I sad?
When I know you were never mine to begin with?
I guess every girl would love to have some dreams;
Just not let myself have hopes too high,
For the higher you reach, the more it hurts to fall.

There are so many things I would want to tell you but I can't,
And girl it's killing me inside,
for I yearn to shout them from the mountain tops!
Now that you're gone, least can I whisper to the wind?

I could've loved you with all my heart if you would've let me. 


Friday, March 30, 2012

Catching Up

It had been almost a year since my last blog update. So many things had happened since then, and it just ain't possible to fill you in with all the details now. In brief, I got through my EOS5, went on to continue my phase 2 in University of Tasmania (UTAS)... Didn't like Hobart at first, but now I'm starting to get used to the slow-paced lifestyle and quietness of this little town. It's a really beautiful place, now that I realize. A very peaceful, nourishing environment. Probably better for someone really playful like me (haha) because it helps me focus. I do still miss KL sometimes, especially the food and my friends, and the shopping and singing and mamak sessions... But oh well, life goes on. Everyone had already went on different paths and those great times we had together would just remain as treasured memories now. There are always changes in life, whether or not we welcome them. This I learnt.

For one, I had become very independent these days. Too independent, actually. Never would I have thought that this would be the woman I'll grow up to be. Even as a baby I would cry if I meet strangers; I used to be the girl who is very afraid to be left alone, who would go home every week when I was in college because I'll be homesick, who would not dare to walk alone or say no to something or voice an opinion or stand up to what is right. So i guess this change ain't a bad thing, really. People said I grew really cold and skeptical sometimes, but thing is, I really don't want to be the weak, whimpy little girl I used to be. I do not want to be as easily affected by emotions, situations and people as I was. I need to be harder, tougher, calmer, colder, stronger; which I pretty much learnt the hard way over these few years. Then again, there should probably be a balance in everything, I'll find that. Promise. =)

Please do not worry about me. I will be fine by myself. I always do. I just needed time. I'd always got myself covered. But if anyone of you would like to walk with me, you are always more than welcomed...

Till the next update. Hopefully soon? =) Cheerz!

I may walk alone, but my voice will not be broken. ~ Catherine Morgan 

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Dance Diary Part 14 - Merlion International Ballroom Dancing Championships & Johor Stars of Tomorrow International Dancesport Championships

I'm sorry to have put off this long to write about my S'pore/Johor championships. Truth is, Sem 5 had already started and boy it's TOUGH!!! I'm working around the clock even when it's only a few weeks into the semester! It's crazy, with all the IMS presentations to prepare, the community medicine project, household surveys and SPSS stuff which I had totally no idea how to operate... No wonder people say that sem 5 is the busiest semester ever! And EOS 5!!! OMG i dun even wanna think about it yet. I totally should've started studying earlier.

Nope I'm not gonna elaborate further about my semester, this is my DANCE diary, so imma get back to my competitions instead. So as I mentioned earlier, these 2 back-to-back competitions gonna most probably be my last competition for the year, so I had to make the BEST out of every single moment... and guess what, I think I DID! I did have a great time; dancing, competing, watching people dance and bonding with my studio mates... It was just as awesome as I wished it could be, and I can say that at the end of the day, I'm indeed a very contented girl. =)

For starters, OMG!!!!!!! I FINALLY WON SOME MEDALS!!!!!!!!!! *squealing in delight*
My 1st ever dance MEDALS!!! 2 bronze, 1 silver. (not the ones on the left, those are for running and table tennis.. lolx...) 
Opps, sorry, it's pretty hard to contain the excitement, but I'm gonna back up a little...

THE DAY BEFORE (5/8/2011) 

Had brief lunch in JB before heading off to Singapore. Good old wanton mee! =)

The magnificent Singapore with it's many skyscrapers!
So we set out the day before to Singapore, which believe it or not, was my FIRST time there, and my FIRST experience of visiting another country aside from our faithful Malaysia! O.o Singapore was just as I expected; strict custom, tall buildings, everything was like neat and tidy as if living in a box. And our little hotel was situated somewhere called V Lavender or something I wasn't really sure. It was a pretty nice hotel though, especially love the big screen window in our room! We girls ended up camwhoring by the window, with the magnificent Singapore skyline behind us.
Our hotel
Me and my roomies in our oh-so-sexy poses
You gotta love the wonderful big screen window behind me with the amazing city view!

In the evening, we went by the insanely-crowded MRT to City Hall 2 stations away to have our dinner. The food was like pretty exy especially if you do the conversion, and silly me only brought 20 dollars cuz I was expecting hawker food, so I ended up just having Burger King. Fast food rules!!! haha... It was pretty late when we got back, and after fussing around preparing the stuff we needed for the big day, we called it a night, sharing a king-sized bed between the four of us. Was quite a cram, but we were too tired and fell asleep with no problem at all!

With the WLD group at the MRT station heading to City Hall for dinner. (spot me? =P)

Waking up at 5am was a torture. But I wasn't going to grumble about it, for this was THE LONG-AWAITED DAY. And so we were all up early, preparing ourselves for our 'battle', as Aunty Merle always put it. That word kinda worked up my nerves, to be honest, but guess competitions are indeed, like a battle; and the dancefloor, a warzone. Anyway, up side of it, it kinda got my spirits boiling too, to go all out for a battle! But make-up was quite an ordeal, for I do really suck at it. The only few times I really put on make-up were for my previous competitions and also performances. Normal days? Nah. imma just let my face go au naturel! =P So with that little practice I've had, it was quite a struggle. Took me 5 hours to get ready!!! *gosh! but at least I was pretty much the same speed as the other gals too... lolx!* Thank God though it wasn't anything people would call a great artwork, my completed competition make-up was still fairly presentable. =P

The competition was held in this country club ballroom which was pretty magnificent too. And the dance scene was just as much of a 'battlefield' as I had in mind, with armies of competitors from all around the world. Unfortunate for us, when we arrived, the first few competitions had already started, which meant the warm-up session was over, and we missed the chance to test the floor. The dancefloor was HUGE, with brightly-polished wooden flooring, quite the best floor I've ever seen. Thank god it was good too, not too slippery or rough, really great to dance on!

Rumba in action!
Now to the Cha Cha

The competition went pretty well I have to say. Although I was kinda nervous in the beginning, I became more and more confident as the events pass. And I managed to enter finals for all the 3 dances that I joined! Rumba and Cha Cha finals were night events, while Samba finals was finished off by afternoon. I kinda lost my timing halfway during Samba finals, idk was I nervous or what, but somehow it just happened. And hence the 6th placing for Samba. =( *damn me and my bad timing!*

Samba 6th placing
For the night events I gathered up my nerves and managed to give a better performance than my Samba. I got 3rd placing for both Cha Cha and Rumba, which means, my first few medals!!! Weeeeeeeee!!!!!!!! =) =) =) Although I wasn't champion yet, but it was really an improvement to me, considering the lack of practice I had beforehand and how much a black sheep I was. @.@ And it was an International Open event, whereby there are even quite a number of competitors from the 'notorious' China!!!  Lolx...

On stage as 2nd Runner up for Cha Cha

2nd Runner up for Rumba as well (still pwned by the china gals...sigh...)

Taking a break with Shi Teng
Anyway, after that, we bathed and washed up in the club's washroom, and then chilled around, waiting for Uncle William and the rest of our teachers to be done judging the competition so that we can all take our bus to our hotel in Johor. It was around 11plus when we were finally set to go, and many of us were already exhausted. We reached Johor at about 1am, and after checking-in and preparing ourselves for bed, it was already over 2 pm. I fell asleep dreading the thought of waking up at 6am the next day...

My Singapore comp certs! 

WLD competitors' group photo with our beloved teachers!

So I woke up an hour later than my alarm. *damn my bad habit of resuming sleep after switching off the alarm!* And so I had to bathe and gobble down my cup noodle at supersonic speed to make up for time loss. And then I went to join the girls to make-up. Again. Seriously I was kinda sick of the process. But good thing was that I actually improved from yesterday's practice, and so I manage to add a more dramatic touch to my eyes compared to yesterday. Kinda satisfied with my results, and less time spent too! =)

The bring-it-on-i'm-ready-for-battle stance!!! 
With the other home team gals in the 16 and above solo open category (Note how colourful our costumes are! teehee)

I reckon I'm doing the Cuban break
The venue for Johor comp was much smaller, in some restaurant where they had this temporary dancefloor set up. Managed to make it to test the floor this time, and boy was it slippery! But thank God somehow into the competition, it became less slippery, probably because the ballroom dancers who had their comps first danced away most of the wax on the top layer? haha!

One of my favourite Cha Cha pose. Just lurve how tanned I look for this comp!

Anyway, the competition went really great, and I had a really good time. Was kinda nervous at times, but when the music comes on, I just went all out for it, danced like there was no one watching. There was only one thing on my mind, and it was "I am doing the thing that I love, and this might be my last competition of the year, so I am gonna make the best out of it!" And so I did. Although in the end, I still couldn't manage to get champion for any of the dances, but I got into finals again for all the categories! 4th placing for both Samba and ChaCha, and first runner up for Rumba!!! (obviously Rumba is still my best dance =P)

1st Runner up in Rumba! What a pleasant surprise! =)

My Johor comp certs!
It was pretty late when we were done with the comp. We did not even have much time to remove our make up or bathe, as we were all packing and rushing to take our late night bus back to KL. Chinese medicine selectives classes waiting for me at 8am! It was crazy, really crazy. We left Johor at 1am, only to reach KL at about 6am. I was pretty exhausted by then, but I managed to haul my luggage and all back to Vista, remove my make-up, bathe, and get ready for classes, while other competitors get to stay home and sleep in... Hmm, price to pay for being a med-student I guess! We never really get much chance to rest! But it was all worth it, I would say. =)
One good thing about Johor comp is that dinner was provided! Yummm don't you just love an 8-course meal after a tiring day? Haha!
Table mates! =P

(credits to Stephen and all the other photographers whom I took the photos from! You know who you are!)
I think I'm gonna miss the competition scenes. Joining competitions under WLD is awesome, the great company, the fun we had together, the unity and cheering for each other, the learning and growing together... it's all parts and parcel of what makes the competition experiences great. And the DANCE, the smooth polished floors, the ballrooms, the lights, the photo-takings, the audience, the shimmering costumes... all these memories will be etched into my mind forever and always. I know that I will always love dancing, no matter where I go and what I do. I remember every word Uncle William told me after the prize-giving ceremony of Johor comp. He told me:" Whatever you do, please promise me not to give up dancing!" He said I was improving and getting better, and it would be a waste to stop dancing. I'll surely take these words to my heart, and yes, I will continue to dance. I certainly will! =)

I promise this will not be my last competition!

Till then!!! I'll leave you with,

Life is just so wonderful when there is DANCE!!!!!!!!! 

Monday, August 1, 2011

Dance Diary Part 13 - Of abs and tan... and being the black sheep... =(

Singapore/Johor comp is looming ahead. Only 4 more days to go. Think I am pretty doomed this time... =(
For one, I only just learnt my steps for the 3 dances that I joined (Rumba, Cha Cha and Samba) about a week ago. And I only attended 1 lesson plus 3 drillings before I MIA-ed back to Ipoh again. And now that I am back in KL, there are only 2 more drilling sessions to go before the BIG DAY.

*Gotta buck up supersonic speed, gal!!! These are international competitions, battle's gonna be TOUGH out there! Somemore it's Open category this time, no longer Beginners! 

Even in my studio alone, among the other competitors of my category, I am pretty much... the black sheep. The lousier oldest one. =( Especially my Samba, in the previous few drillings, I even had a hard time remembering the steps for the pretty-complicated routine. Teacher Merle was telling me, gal your Samba is below standard, gotta work it up!!! *opps =( =( =(*

Anyway gonna practice REAL HARD this week. One good thing is that it is still sem break and rotations are over, so minus the academic burden to worry about, I can focus more on my dance I hope. This might gonna be my last competition this year, since sem 5's gonna be darn hectic and all... and then it's those visa and PMS and flying overseas to continue my phase 2... I can't see any time in near future where I could slot in another competition, much as I wanted to. =( Sigh... guess I just gotta make the BEST out of this coming Johor/Singapore comp. It's gonna mean a lot to me. Gonna last me through the remaining of this year, at least. I gotta practice hard, and dance my best for the judges, teachers and audience. I hope I ain't gonna let anyone down, even though by the rate I am going now, I might already had. Sorry dear teachers, I will work hard even though time is sparse... gonna try my best and have no regrets! =)

On a side note, I had actually become pretty tanned lately; due to all the swimming and occasional runs walks. Kinda a good thing, at least my face will not look so obviously blackened by the caramel foundation like it did last time during my first competition! (I still remember my tanned-made-up face contrasting with my fair skin on my body... it was TERRIBLE! ishhh) I've come to learn to pre-tan myself after that. teehee... And am trying to build some abs too, by dancing and swimming. Gotta keep a real good bod to pull off my a-little-too-revealing costume. Any flabs or fat is gonna be very much visible as there is not much cloth to hide behind. Sigh... bad choice of costume. (next costume I make, it's certainly gonna have MORE CLOTH, and possibly some drapes... I love flowy ones... =P)

Signing off to bed... long week ahead!!! I'll leave you with,

Riccardo Cocci and Yulia Zagoruychenko Jive @ WSSDF 2010

Yulia, my inspiration, forever and always. *heart* She never fails to remind me the reason that I dance; and if ever I were on the verge of giving up on dancing when times were difficult, it is her who could always reignite my passion.

Know what does my heart secretly wish?

One day, I wanna be a great dancer like Yulia Zagoruychenko... =)

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Or am I only dreaming?

I guess I was dreaming. For when I opened my eyes, you were gone... What made me think that you will come back to me? Had I really slept this long?
Guess it's time for me to wake up already.
If only...

I wanted to tell myself that one day everything will go back to what it was like. When it was just you and me. Your touch, your scent, your words, your lips, your eyes... Is there any chance there is? Why am I still waiting, after this long? Long gone promises are lying in the crypts, buried deep. How much chance do I stand? Why am I so stubborn when it comes to you?

I thought I smelled your scent yesterday. It was so familiar, it almost made me cry. It had been so long. I look around now, but I can't figure out where it come from. You weren't here, were you? It was just a dream, no? I was just there all alone, no?

I could've loved you with all my heart if you would've let me. 

Friday, June 17, 2011

Dance Diary Part 12 - 8th National Ballroom Dancing Championship 2011

Status: Completed

My FIRST SOLO competition. It felt sooooo different, being out on the dancefloor alone. It was as if all eyes were on you, judging you, noticing every little move (and mistake) that you made... Especially when dancing in the finals, it was only down to 6 people on the floor, and THAT was downright scary. No kidding. 

Okay, let me back up a little. The competition was held on the 12th of June at Penang Bayview Beach Resort, the very same place that I went for my first competition last November. Very nostalgic, if you would ask me. But then again, it was a good thing to be familiar with the place, at least I know my way around, and I kinda could imagine how the competition would look like, the dancefloor and all... 

But then again, it was still a whole new experience in a whole new way. For one, the people going with me this time were pretty different. There were many new people, new friends and all.
And then it was the category that I joined, Solo Beginner. SOLO & PARTNERLESS. T___T
And then it was the dance that I were to do this time. Cha Cha and Jive. The 2 dances I am not really familiar with. Even during drilling, I had a pretty hard time improving my Jive. Somemore kena scolded many times by Uncle William and Aunty Merle! =( I remember 2 weeks before the competition, Uncle William was so frustrated when teaching me the Jive techniques that he fumed at me :" I don't even know why you want to join competition lar, dancing like this!!!"... =( =( =(

But somehow criticism pushed me to work even harder in my dance. I did practice really hard, allocating at least 2 hours per day dancing at IMU dance room, and that did not include the everyday drilling sessions at WLD. And I was glad I did that. I'm glad I didn't give up on myself even when everyone else seems to have no high hopes in me. For hard work did pay off as I managed to make my way through to the finals! As they recalled dancers from Heats to Semi-Finals and then Finals... it was almost exhilarating to see my number on the board each time. 

And there was even some problem in our category that made us had to re-dance the finals. According to the organizers  our Jive routine consists of some out-of-syllabus steps, and so Aunty Merle had to pull us aside and re-choreograph our routine on the spot, and then we went for the re-dance... >.<

And after all the hassle and mess, we got the results, and I got 6th placing!!! =) I kinda expected that, since my techniques were seriously lacking and I am so nervous till I might even be out-timing at times. But still, at least I got a placing!!! And it was already kinda what I expected! Especially when there were many other studio mates of mine who joined my category, and during drillings, they seems to be much better than me. I thought I'd maybe survived till semi-finals and get eliminated by my own studio-mates... it will be as far as I go and I'll be satisfied already. =P

Guess I'm pretty lucky this time. But then this gave me more motivation to try and do better for the next competition. And I was happy when Uncle William said to me after the competition that I actually improved a little, and Aunty Luisa also told me this is a good start and encouraged me to work harder and get better placing next time. Dear teachers, I will surely try to improve! Thanks for all your teaching and guidance this long, I love you all!   

My cert... No medals though... T__T Next time I'll try to get medals... that's my dream!

Some of my studio-mates who joined the same category as me 

My beloved teacher , Uncle William and I

My AWESOME technique class teacher, Aunty Luisa and I

Choon Wei the joker who graduated from IMU

Onn Rei gor gor... =)
Young Nisha with her charming-enough-to-kill eyes...O.O

And I met my sifu from Ipoh too!!! She was also one of the judges for the competition... It had been awhile since I had seen her. I'm glad to be able to catch her during a competition break and talked to her awhile and take photos! =) She brought along a few of my friends too for this competition, and I managed to catch up with them too after my event ended... =)

My former Sifu from Ipoh, Alice Hor
Sifu's husband, we call him JJ sifu =P

Somehow I ended up being in a group photo with my former teacher and my present teacher... AWESOME. =)

Till the next time!!! Sure wish there will be a next time! =)