If Only I Could

The Big Day ----- 30 NOVEMBER 2008 (SUNDAY) is coming!!! The much anticipated one, but much dreaded as well...



Why? It's not just another dance lesson, this time I'm not learning alone, it's with all the other gals for the Ladies Event!!! All younger than me, but all seniors of mine. So I'm the most novice among them... argh... and Sifu asked me not to fret?! How could I not fret when they had already learnt the Samba for the past month and I only have an hour of lesson to catch up with their progress?!



And I'm supposed to do the men's steps. Swt... I woulda prefer to dance the ladies' steps, I've been doing it all through my solos so it's easier for me to get the hang of it, but this was what Sifu told me :" 鬼叫你生得这么高meh？！不似我一样“娇小玲珑”。一定是跳男步的啦！哈哈……"



....................... *speechless*



It's the first time I feel kinda sad that I am err... tall. But then again, I'm not really THAT tall, am I? I'm just around 165cm... (Hey, and I was always wishing to grow taller, at least 170cm.) Okay, but I admit that the last time I joined the group of dancers at the studio, I do look like a hovering giant among the other gals (even guys) when I am in heels, which added 3 inches to my height.



But hey, no fair!!! Tall girls can’t dance as girls?! Sob...



Okay, fine. Actually I don't really mind it anyway, just hope that I won't get all messed up criss-crossing between genders... lolx...



But there's another problem. I have been so lagging behind. Not practising enough. I had tried hard to steal some time off my books and practise in the badminton hall, but it's so difficult when the hall's always full, plus there is always never-ending exams and revisions waiting for me. And also, I'll be dead if I got caught wearing my practise clothes in the hall. *grins* But if I stick to the dresscode, I won't be able to see if my legs had moved the right way. Sigh... Sifu said to execute the moves well, practice should be done at least 1 hour daily, but for me, managing to nail 2 hours per week is already a major victory.



So how am I going to face Sifu...? Sure thing her experienced eyes would notice my lack of practise even when I start to lift just one foot. And you know, the last thing I wanted is to disappoint her. To let her think that I'm not taking dancing seriously. I wanted badly to answer her question, the one she asked me a few months ago. I wanna tell her confidently and sincerely, that dancing is really something I WANT. Not only that, I wanna show her. I wish to see the same proud smile on her face, the one that had inspired me so much, that had brough me so far all these time. I want to live up to her words.

If only I could.


I'll continue praying hard to God in this. May God answer my prayer, give me strength to strive hard in whatever circumstances, strengthen my heart dear Father. Take away my fear and insecurities; instead, grant me confidence and determination. Secure me with your guidance, oh Lord. Lead me to achieve my dreams one day. Amen.