Save The Last Dance

Busy busy busy... Had quite a happening week. Speaking test, CTU assignments, maths homework, CA, plus loads of dance rehersals and finally, the real performance. Though the hustle and bustle makes me weary or pissed off at times, I'm quite loving it, in a way. Now that everything's settled, no more performances, no more dances...I seems to be even restless than ever. Yeah, I had maybe my last dance performance in INTEC, last Friday. In the days to come, I'm so going to miss days like these.

Let me give a brief recap of my week. Here goes:

Monday

Speaking test. Kinda flunked it. Still in holiday mood, I suppose. Actually, I only got to know that I'll have a test the day before!!! (Thanks to our highly-efficient class rep) And I went for it without any mental preparation. Hey, I didn't speak much English for the whole 1 week of holiday, okay! It got a bit rusty. Till I forgot to use past tense for past events!!! Uh-oh...big mistake that is!!! I guess a band 7 will be a blessing. Anyway, thank God it's over.

Dance practise at night. Guess everyone's in holiday mood. Our dances are all over the place. Messy steps, clumsy moves, wobbly spins, banging into each other during transitions... I don't know how are we going to face the big day which is only 4 days away if we continue to dance like this. I might just go into hiding that day. SWT.


Tuesday

International Food Carnival thingy at INTEC. There were 8 stalls selling a variety of food from different countries, according to their respective programmes. Korea, Japan, Egypt, USA, Russia, Deutschand, Aussie, and err...dunno what place the ALM represented by selling fish and chips. Went there a bit too late. A lot of food already finish disapu when we got there. Managed to steal a bite of Egyptian food from the ALGs, and Sifu a.k.a Andersen donated me a sushi. Thanks guys! Mis amigos got Korean Kimchi and American breakfast and we shared the food out. These settled my lunch.^-^

Had rehersal at night. Weren't that good either. But it was better than Monday's practise. Hope we can do better. Went back with a painful left arm. Dota King Ken twisted it when we were trying out a new move we saw on a So You Think You Can Dance clip. Ouch... so much for that move.

Did power point for the rest of the nite. CTU presentation...sigh... (what a waste of time) But eventually got addicted to it and ended up doing another silly slideshow with my roommate...


Wednesday

Dance practise again at night. Getting more and more tired day by day. It's been raining all the time these days. Got a bad headache. Bio lab was a turmoil. Catching unseen bubbles from photosynthesis is not a fun thing to do when you have a headache...

Costumes, costumes, costumes. Have to ponder over what to wear for performance. Colour code, dress code, accessories and all. It adds to my headache. But I do love to play dress up. (minus the dress code) Us dancers ended up having sort of a 'fashion parade' for the nite... haven't done my Maths homework and haven't studied for Bio test...sigh)


Thursday

We were supposed to have full dress rehersal at 4pm but it got delayed. And it interfered with my plan to go to CA. Was kinda frustrated with the management. It wasn't the first time they changed the rehersal time without any notice beforehand.

Ended up ponteng rehersal and going to CA. Actually my partner Ken also not going, so I have no one to dance with even if I go to the rehersal. CA's theme was Independence Day... and when we got upstairs, Eliza was just going to decorate the place with loads of M'sia flags... there were a couple big ones... and we wrap them around our body and run about, feigning rejoycing Olympic medallists... swt.

(No pictures with me now, only this one of a siao person pretending to be a flying Superman)

I won in games!!! For the first time in my life I think... I used to be a loser when it comes to games, but this time I won!!! And the prize is chocolate from Deutschland!!! Gracias ALG9 super super seniors!!! But this was one weird game, that is pairing up all the people, and the pair who can look straight into each other's eyes the longest without smiling or laughing or vomiting or whatever, will win. Got paired up with 'Sifu'. (swt) (this one ciplak punya sifu. Ok, is drum sifu lar, no offence ya, andersen!) Usually I surely beh tahan in this type of games, but dunno why this time we can even make funny faces at each other and not smile. Maybe because chocolate from Deutschland was too tempting! Or maybe I'm 'scared' because 'Sifu' looks too 'fierce'. (oops) (I was the one who smiled eventually. 'Sifu' so geng, he can keep a supposingly straight face all the time?!)

This is mua prize!!! Yummy! (Any sacrifice is worth it...uh well, I mean...)

The talk was creative and inspiring too. The marble part was awesome. I kept my marble safe in my bag. I hope I can always keep it as a reminder. Hey, I seems to be preparing a CA report with this long entry! lol... But I do really love CA.


Friday

The big day. Our last dance performance appoinment. Nada after that. We senior dancers are going to retire and leave it to the juniors. (makes me sound so old...sob)

There weren't many people there I think. Just enough to fill the hall losely. Kinda informal. We didn't even bother much to put on makeup. Our dance was a combined one, so there were Malay Dance, Indian Dance, 70's Chinese Dance and our New Jazz + Hip-Hop Fusion Dance. I'm in the new jazz team. (bored of hip-hop) For our performance, well, can't expect much from a lame choreograph and lack of practise right? But we tried our best, and nothing real bad happened, like collisions etc...praise the Lord. And the best part is we can camwhore in our costumes after that, and we got a huge hamper as a token of gratitude! Yay!!! So our last dance can be considered a success afterall.

Mi y mis amigos!!! My roomies...they are all doing the 70's dance

The 2 pairs of new jazz dancers- Szemin & Karpui, me & Ken

This is nuestro hamper!!! Bonita!!!

Me & brudder...(taiko) :p

Camwhoring with roomies back in hostel

Back in hostel, in my costume- minus the dress code

Adios! Hasta luego!

***********************************

这样好了……

不要。不要。别关上门。关上了就会看不见了。

有期待便好了，等待便好了。有时候，等待也是一种幸福。

我总是远远地，我们总是远远地。远远地便好了。

对你，我真的不能奢求些什么呀。真的不敢奢求些什么。
这样的距离刚刚好的。
刚刚好让眼泪不会被你看见。
刚刚好让伤心不会被你察觉。
刚刚好了。

只想你知道，继续你的好吧。

有些人是很幸福的。不是我，没关系；是你们就好了。
横坚，只想你拥有最大最大的快乐。

这样便好了。

*********************************

周记一则

“我什么也不想做。

我只想好好地写一篇周记；以及好好地爱你。

请原谅我。我只是一个十七岁的女生……”

记得高中的时候，老师会让我们写周记。是每个星期得要交上去的功课；有时是一些值得思考的主题，有时，纯粹是自由发挥。好怀念、好怀念那些日子。那些可以肆无忌荡地吐露心声的日子。而老师总很有耐心地一篇一篇地看，然后写下一些精心的评语；有时，甚至是一些关爱的奉劝。

后来离开了高中生活，我还是会写周记。一篇又一篇。有多少了？都数不清。我只知道我喜欢写、喜欢与周记谈心。它不会笑我。它从来只是静静地听。

而又后来，在这些忙碌的日子里，每一天的挣扎奔波……多久了，没有再写过一篇周记。有时会好想好想一个人静一下，好好地写一篇周记。你懂吗，写周记对我而言，不再只是高中时一样功课那么简单了；那是一种享受，是一个让我可以好好看见自己的时候。只是……对不起，我没时间。就算是我有时间的时候，我也已经很累了。
周记，对不起，搁置了你这么久。

我很累，真的很累。

还得面对好多批零扑隆的狼狈。

‘我只是想好好地写一篇周记；以及好好地爱你。’

可我很累。原来不止心会累，手也会累。

那么……不写了。那么……可以不爱了吗？

@ Studio

Drinking tea and looking at pretty photos of the Dinner & Dance Night, wishing that I could be up there performing one day

@ Studio
(thanks Ah Nee for preparing the tea :p)

My beloved Sifu and her hubby performing @ Dinner & Dance Night

I lost all my photos and video I took that night, so I had to take photos of photos instead. Swt... Sorry...

I'm Sorry...

Raining on and off for the whole afternoon. But never mind that, I get to spend my afternoon with Sifu.

Yup, I got to see my Sifu, finally. Been how long I haven't seen her? One month? Or is it more? Goodness, I do miss her so. As I expected my dad to say something like,"What?! Go dancing again?...What time?..." (grumble grumble... about wasting his time and my time...), so I felt so much relieved to have Sifu to fetch me there. Save the trouble, save the grumble. (Peace!)


In the car, she asked me a question, is dancing something you really WANT, or is it something you really LIKE. There's difference. If you WANT it, you'll work harder for it, compared to if you LIKE it. I thought about the question for a long time, and I didn't know the anwser. At least, I can't answer it, now. Maybe, there'll be one day, I could be able to answer the question, confidently. I can only tell her that I'm something in between. And she said it can't be so, I'll be forever stuck in the gap. I really wish that I could give her a better answer, one day.


She asked me again, won't you feel proud if you are to train under a famous teacher? I answered, "Sure!". She told me she wasn't a famous teacher. Uh-oh... I told her that as long as I feel that she's great, it's all that matters. And yes, deep from my heart I do really think she's great. You see, a great teacher isn't everything about excellent dance skills and fame. It's always something more, something from within. It's just too hard to explain.


Learnt Samba today. I don't know why sifu chose to teach me that. I thought she was going to give me a new routine for the dances that I've learnt, but she taught me a new dance instead. The second hardest dance of all 5 Latin dances. No joke, it IS hard. To execute the moves nicely, I mean. It involves a lot of movements of the belly, something similar to Belly Dancing. Sorry Sifu, I think I did not dance well up to your expectation today. I'll work harder this time, for sure. You see, it's been quite a long time I haven't been dancing Latin. Life in INTEC doesn't really allow me to do so either. (akasia badminton court's always full) And to think that I had promised you that I would work harder!!! I'm so so so sorry.


I'm working. It just takes time. More time. I have to juggle ALM life and to explore by myself how is it that the force should be kept at waist level while letting your feet jive along lightly, looking weightless.

Just hope you'll understand.

Insanity Overdose

I'd came to realise that I might have gone a little insane, since Form 5. A bit out of my mind. As to end up doing a lot of weird stuff I'd rather not do if I have the extremely sane mind of a doctor material, aka the ALM material, as my friends used to say.



So here goes part of the list:


1. MINUTES TO FAME 2006- AMC EDITION

I'll laugh till I cry thinking of this. It's this kind of insane competition where you do anything onstage to while away as much time as you can, before one of the judges 'beh tahan' & press the bell to chase you off the stage. The longer you can 'survive' onstage, the better. This was what we tried to do. I seriously think that we tried too hard, in the wrong way too. Imagine the combination of spoons, forks, plates, school ties, plastic roses, toilet brushes and brooms in a performance. Moreover, with the group name 160 club. SWEAT. lol. I feel like a group of silly clowns, rather than serious competitors. Nevertheles, we had the most fun then we'd ever had in our whole secondary school life.

We never took any proper photos though, so there's only this photo to show our 160 club members, with some other friends.

160 club members---start from 2nd from right : Michelle, me, xuxu, and Sally.

2. Ponteng Accounts Mid-term Exam

No need much explanation for this. We didn't study so we didn't go for exam lor. Simple right? And no photos to show too (Duh, obviously!). Got seriously scolded & warned by all those big big people (guru besar, mulut besar, kepala besar...) No, we didn't get a zero. Those big big people do have some heart, I suppose.

3. WORLD IDOL 2008

Sounds nice, right? At least it has an even nicer name than Malaysian Idol... This is World Idol!!!

Muahahaha... Whatever, I joined along with my friends, just for the fun of it. I knew we wouldn't win. Hey we did accapella...Who on earth will win World Idol with accapella?! The other teams were jamming away or doing some real hot live band stuff, and we were accapella-ing?! But great nite it is. There are a few nice singers, some sucky ones as well, some over-exaggerated band players and lead singers, but there's a real cool drummer. He can play the drums so well!!! It made me more interested in playing the drum than ever. Maybe one day, I'll learn drum.

4. Malam Merentasi Zaman 2008

Well, this is one whole new experience as well. First time being sort of a runway model. lol. They even have a T-platform!!! Made up of wobbly tables adjoined together.(scary). I got some sort of feudal baju kebaya, all shinny and gold in colour. I dunno how to describe it. It looks kinda nice, something I'd never ever wore before in my life. I felt like a princess in those old Malay stories., you know, those stories that usually has a nenek kebayan character. Like Puteri Gunung Ledang. My friends were in the Chinese ribbon dance, so they get to wear cheongsam, though their cheongsam are like one size bigger, and they have to wear slacks and hand-socks beneath. Pity pity, I'd never wore cheongsam before. I wish I'll have a chance someday.

In the changing 'room'...Ying Jie, Me & Ah Long

The head accessory weighs a tonne!!!

That's why I ended up not wearing it onstage...but with some kind of weird hairstyle instead.

5. Playing Masak Masak?!

This is a normal thing for other people, but not for me. It's only the second time I've really cooked. Three other friends and I wanted to break through our cooking-noob title to emerge as the ideal wives, so we made a plan to cook dinner. And this is how we fared. Quite nice, right?! We passed beginner's level without setting Block 3 on fire!!! Thank God. Though the rice seems a bit overcooked & it tasted a bit burnt, we sapu everything like hungry ghosts. The cooking process really made us exhausted. Swt...

6. Breaking Curfew

Ok, another accomplishment. Reason? To watch the grand opening ceremony of Beijing Olympics 2008 at McD, and also to break the curfew just for the fun of it. Fortunately ,there was one other siao gang of alg guys who are even more siao than us three. lol... you know who you are. After the opening ceremony programme ended, I get to experience another ceremony---the present-giving ceremony of the most siao birthday gift ever. Good one.

So much for now...there are lotta other silly stuff but I'm too lazy to blog it all up here...Tata!

Colours Of The Wind

Yes people, don't laugh. I entered the first ever dance competition in my life. No, it wasn't exactly the sort of dance competitions that I wished to enter, it's far far from that. It's a traditional dance competition. Not that there's anything cool to be expected here. But it's a competition all the same. however lousy it sounds.

We registered ourselves up 2 days before the competition. We never planned to enter in the first place. I don't know how we ended up submitting our names and coming up with a choreography in only a few hours. Never had I ever done a choreography in such a short time, and it's amazing how I was able to do it, with help from a couple of friends, of course. And the most amazing thing is, the choreography ended up being one of the best piece we have ever done!!! It's simply lovely. Compared to our other choreography which are somewhat, inexperienced and raw; this is simple, but delicate. I wished we could have more time to practise. Such a nice choreography, but too less time to practise. Our group of 8 dancers learnt all the steps and practised it in only 3/4 hours, and then it is presented onstage already. Imagine how seriously short of time we were! And on top of that, we stole a large chunk off our practise time to watch the Beijing Olympics Opening Ceremony. Sweat.

Nevertheless, I am quite proud of our job. We didn't put in much effort, but we seems to end up gaining more than what we expected. We performed quite well for a dance practised for only a few hours; If I were the judge, I'll give 60%-synchronisation, 50%-emotion, 90%-choreography. ^-^ It really is an honest score.

Thanks friends for helping me choreographing the dance. It's somewhat a fusion dance; contemporary, chinese traditional, ballet and lyrical dancing. And the song's a typical ballet song which kids love to perform to--- Colours Of The Wind. Even our story sounds a little like "The Changeling", minus the props. Not that I know anything about Ballet, it's just that I've read some ballet books before.

So, our dance goes like this: It started with a group of 7 fairies, awakening from their deep slumber. They started playing & dancing around happily. Seven fairies with colourful clothes, dancing with bright pink ribbons. And then here I come, as a little girl, wondering into the land of fairies. Two friendly ones welcome me in, and tell me awesome stories. I tried to join them in their dances, but I find myself different. It was then I felt lost. And there were some other fairies who was hostile towards me. The leader of the fairies tried to bring her whole troop of fairies to detest me, to chase me away from their circle. I was lost and confused, sad and unaccepted. In the end, the fairies left me one by one, leaving me to do a sad dance, and to fall to the ground, out of exhaustion.

Dramatic right? I wonder how could I portray such a difficult role. The dances helped me a lot though. The only thing I have to do is to add in some emotion, lots of facial expression, and let the dance moves do it all. Sounds hard, yea? but I supposed I had tried my best. And I enjoyed it, very much. That's the only most important thing that matters, isn't it? That we enjoyed the whole dance.

Happy dancing, my friends. Nice working with you all.

Dinner And Dance; A Tribute To My Beloved Sifu

Went to the much anticipated dinner and dance yesterday. Oh my, it's such a great experience! This is my first time watching Latin Dance performances live, right from the dancefloor...wow! I can only say wow, Wow, WOW!!! Little kiddies, teens, seniors, professionals...they heated up the dancefloor with their oh-so-beautiful routines and moves. I'm totally mesmerized!


I suddenly felt proud for my Sifu, she taught all those students with love and care, and here they were, dancing their hearts out to her carefully choreographed routines. Every step they take, every move they flaunt, it reflects her. Her hard work, her passion, her success. Sifu, I see you smiling, a smile of joy and contentment, and I smile for you too. So much you've gone through, but so much you've gained as well.


Sifu, I remember clearly that day before I left to Shah Alam, my last lesson, you talked to me for a few hours...you told me about your past-------How you'd secretly taken up dancing without your parents knowledge, how you were looked down upon when you first started learning, how you never gave up even when other classmates of yours had left one by one, what special things that your very own sifu taught you, how you met your current partner who's also your husband, how you overcome every little problems between both of you, how you flaunt or flunk in various competitions, how you eventually started your dance teacher's career and how you made it to what you are today. You told me life was never a bed of roses for you, but you carry one belief that whatever can be accomplished if you have the determination. You believe that hard work will eventually pay off. (And that is what you used to advise me ever so often.) And you said, with a twinkle in your eyes, that the only thing that had brought you so far is the never-ending passion towards dancing, right in your heart.


I listened with awe and with a heart bursting with respect and admiration. I salute you for your courage, your passion, and your strong determination. All along the conversation, I think I could almost see a glow above your head, oh my, you seems like an angel!!! An angel motivating me with words of wisdom, feeding me with your very own experience, so that I could grow along with you. Never ever in my life, had I ever seen a teacher like you. A teacher who had taught me so much more about life, over the one month I've been with you, you've really taught so much more than just dancing. And every word you speak, I remember, I treasure them more than the most precious diamonds. I'll carve them in my heart, so that they will stay, forever.
I especially love that cute little quote you gave me: "只要你有手有脚又还未死，那你就可以跳舞啦！不用怕些什么的。就去吧！输了又不用死的。"


Thank you thank you Sifu!!! Thanks for everything. Thanks for letting me attend your dinner and dance without a ticket. I really don't know how to express my gratitude to you for letting me attend something so nice, for free. How very nice of you to give me a chance to all of these wonderful experiences, and even to bring me to my place in person when I was feeling a little lost when I first arrived and without a ticket in hand, to fetch me back home after the ceremony... Thank you for this memorable night. And thank you for every little thing you've taught me, for all the lessons of life.

I love you, Sifu.

Till The Next Time I Come Home

Well, this is the last day of my sem break. Thought I wanna blog about something special before I leave to college. Well, so I suppose i'll blog about my holidays. But no, I won't babble along about every unimportant-time-wasting-shopping-trips I went, or every friends' reunion and farewells I attended. It will be boring, even to myself. I'll just write down the things that are really significant to me, this whole long month.


My holidays hadn't been specially interesting. Not happening either. Pretty simple, but I love every moment of it. Mostly because of the dance classes I attended. You might think that it is real boring. Life like this. I don't even go out a lot. Never even watch a lot of movies or shows. Tuesday nights and Friday mornings or afternoons are for dance lessons, Sundays are for church and guitar lessons. In between... I practise my steps. And my splits. And my stretching. And my guitar. And I write in my diary. I go for occassional evening walks with my mum down at the park. The rest of the other times, lazing around. Dreaming. Thinking.


There are surely lotz to be thought about. And I will take me ages to write it all down. But I did made a great decision afterall. I rejected the offer to be that guy's partner. Sorry. I don't think it's a great idea afterall. All the problems, I see it as God's way of advising me against it. And my troubled mind, my slumberless nights thinking over that offer, I decided to end it all by just saying No. I do really love to enter the competition. But come to think in depth, it just doesn't sound like THE RIGHT TIME. One biggest reason, the guy wasn't the right partner. I'm taller than him if I'm in heels. And I dun wan to be in bad terms with anyone by betraying anyone. I can't bring myself to be so selfish.

Somehow, I knew I did the right decision. ^_^


And so I just have to keep dreaming, and keep working hard. I am sure that God will look after my every step. God will arrange for me what will be the best. I believe in Him. For the chance that I passed by this time, God will arrange better ones for me in future. I believe.


And so, again, I should brace myself for another new day ahead. And all the days after that. I shall be returning to INTEC, tomorrow, oh well, today. And I shall have to strive hard there again, whether I like it or not. I will surely try to make the best out of it. But still, surely not forgetting what my heart really loves.
The passion in my heart, I shall keep it burning. The dreams I carry, I shall keep it alive. Keep loving, keep dreaming, keep working.


Till the next time I come home.

My New Babe!!!

I was practically over-whelmed when I first met you, my love. Yupz, my LOVE. I waited for so long, one week and four days, before I could finally meet you. You sat there quietly, in the backseat of the car, somewhat weary and battered, after that long tedious journey. This is how you look when I first saw you...yesterday...

Sighing, Sifu told me that they were always really rough in handling all these shipping and mailing of stuff...argh...Well, at least they are not rough in the making of my beloved dance shoes though.

It was a bit too late to get these shoes, since this was going to be my last dance lesson for this sem holidays. Well, never mind, at least I get to flaunt it during this last lesson of mine. ^-^

Opening the box was like opening a treasure chest, and Sifu laughed at me. Sure she could, she changed a pair like once every three months?! God knows how many pairs had she owned... But for me, this is my first pair, my first babe!

Look at how blissfully beautiful it lies in the "slightly deformed" box

When I unwrap the plastic, it smiles up at me like this...

Oh my, I just LOVE the sparkling, bling bling look of it!!!

Sifu and I chose the colour together. I chose the model too. It has to be comfortably tight enough as well as lasting through all the swivels and spins; kicks and flicks. And it proves to be it. The leather lining in it is super comfy. Handmade, pre-ordered straight from the factory.

A fine work of art, I can say.

Sifu loves it, I love it too.

The front view...simply love the criss-cross design...

Well, so here's all about my beloved dance shoes. It's so lovely I can't help but to blog about it. Now I have an OFFICIAL dance shoes!!! I don't need to dance around in sneakers anymore...lol.

Only thing is, uh, my mum doesn't know about it, yet. She'll be kinda disapproving of my it. But it's oh-so-adorable, I wonder how can anyone be angry if I brought such a lovely thing back home?! Afterall, I bought it with my own hard-saved money, so she might just nag me a little...and let go of this case.

Neways, all is worth it, for my love!!!

Bits And Pieces

Admist a Biology experiment...
Reaction of immobilised enzyme, if I've not mistaken.^-^




Venue: Biology Lab, Block U.
























Uh oh, a minor lab accident... :p
We'll be more careful with the Bunsen burner next time.



Venue: Chemistry Lab.

















Early morning view of the deserted streets...Love the calm, peaceful atmosphere.



Venue: Section 18, Shah Alam.
















Night view of INTEC...Kinda romatic for a college, huh?


Venue: ALM Square

Ain't Where I Intended To Be

My blog seems deserted, sorry for not updating. There's been too much on my mind lately. Faced with a tough decision to make. Am too busy & too emo to blog anymore. But now I really had to spill it all out, or else I might gonna break. Really.

I should have been real happy to be spotted as a potential. I should be overjoyed to be asked by someone to be his partner to enter my long-dreamed-of Latin Dance Competitions. It's my dream, my lifelong dream. i fought for it, so long. And yet it never crossed my mind that, when the opportunity came, I did not jump at it as I always thought I would. There are these problems in the way, which brings me to this difficult situation as now. That somehow made me wish that nothing of this had ever happened to me, and i'm still that fighting young girl who still needs to work hard at her dance skills while juggling her studies, still needing to search for a partner, and still dreaming of competitions & dancefloors.

And yet, I cant change what that had happened. And now here I am, torn between decisions. I hate making decisions, especially decisions that demand sacrifice of one thing, or another. But here I am, forced to face it.

I could have entered the competition, but he who wanted me as his partner had a condition, that is to train under another teacher who is uh, better, and not our regular dance teacher.
And I never would bear to leave my dance teacher, or to hurt her by training under another teacher. I knew that this is a great opportunity for me who had always wanted a partner and to join comps, but somehow I can't bring myself to be so selfish. It will make me feel real bad.

She is indeed a nice teacher, and I do love her. Loved the pressureless way she teaches, it makes me enjoy every moment of the classes. I hadn't learnt from her for long at all, but somehow, she was the one who uh, moulded me. From a clumsy girl who cant even put a foot in front of the other and stay balanced, who can't even do a spin without losing directions; from the girl who broke the studio's record by being the first to step on the teacher's feet.......she made me what I am today.

I remember what a friend quoted for me: "Honour the hands that feed you and the arms that nursed you"...applicable? It makes sense.

And now, if I enter the competition but trained under the other teacher, I'm like betraying her? and it certainly breaks my heart. And yet, if I refuse this opportunity to enter the competition as well as the opportunity to improve my dance skills, it will break my heart as well. Either way, it is heart-breaking. As I treasure both my dream & my teacher a lot.

How, oh how am I gonna make a decision?

I never knew it could turn out like this. This isn't where I intended to be.

Isn't where I intended to be.

And now, time is running out, and I have to make a decision soon. What could I do?!

For the hundredth & thousandth time I pray, God, please free me of this torment of decision-making. Let me end it all with a decision that I will not regret. Console my troubled heartbeats these sleepless nights.
Amen.

I Am Here

The morning bus came rumbling down the lane and I set my eyes on it. It's Wednesday again and my arms are filled to the brim with my thick core maths textbook, chemistry, statistics, and a file loaded with past years. Those stuff weigh a tonne I suppose, and they really do weigh me down at times. Everyday's just the same; I board the bus, struggle in class, and board the bus again back to my hostel room, only to struggle with my books again. Being here, in INTEC, this daily routine had, somehow, became so much a part of my life. The part which I had always wanted to shake off, I wanted it gone, but nevertheless it clings to me just as strong.

And only now, I come to realise that I actually couldn't bear to part with it, afterall.

I used to be fighting, at times whinning, at times grumbling, and they ain't doing me no good. I AM HERE. Am here and only supposed to be here. This was what I've came to realise after being a noisy jerk for so long.

I am here. And since I'm here, I should have to be HERE. And not running away as I always did. There ain't no home for me out there; ain't no here for me out there.

I am here, and only here do I belong.

Thank God for making me realise. And bless me with the strength to stay here, oh Lord. Though I need to venture, let me stray with my feet still standing firm on this place I call here. Lord, please be with me. Amen.

Penang beauties...

Sunset...

Be amazed over the beauty of this world. And give thanks to God for everything we've got...

Such a pretty 'mansion' by the sea...

My dream house...^-^
Modern architecture can do wonders.

似我

如风，
无声无色无言无语，
承载再多的心，
叫我如何要你看得见？

像尘埃，
落到你心里，
那微薄的重量，
叫你何能感受得到？

似过客，
短暂停留的容颜，
永远留不下足迹，
叫我怎能让你留意？

似我，
似风的我，
似尘埃的我，
似过客的我；
怎可能再有勇气，
恳求你不要把我忘记？

Soul Of A Dancer

I had always loved dancing. Yet since forever, people keep telling me that was merely my innocence of youth. And so I force myself to believe. But oh no, they were so wrong. I was so wrong. That was no innocence of youth. No fantasy. That was, and still is, TRUE LOVE. I never knew that I could ever love anything so deeply...But I did. The love, the fiery passion, is far beyond defination. Afterall, I am born with the heart and soul of a dancer. A soul that is nothing but dead without dancing. I wish I could have realized it earlier. Much much more earlier, way back before I had choosen this path of no return. Before my soul died of hunger and thirst for what is it's only source of nourishment---Dancing.

I know I had been mentioning about this for God-knows-how-many times, and I suppose I should really stop. But I guess it has always been troubling me; a canopy of thoughts, a deep sense of regret; so much like sharp ridges sticking out from the crypt of my heart, prickling me from every directions. So I am. At times awaken from my sleep with warm tears streaming; dreaming of dancefloors and competition pools that dissappear the moment I set my desperate heels on them. Of lost dreams and opportunities that slip past my yearning fingers. And still there are. Endless cold and slumberless nights accompanied by my troubled heartbeats. Troubled heartbeats that make me realize just how much I cared. And just how much I have lost.

Oh no. No regrets should I ever breathe. Not when there is no way out even if I do. My mum used to say something that I suppose is to keep me from regreting a choice I chose yet not chosen by me; and I guess I should actually learn to appreciate that.

~~~When there is no turning back in life, we shall have to make the best out of moving on. ~~~

Yes, I shall.

I hope I could.

Afterall, I should.