Dance Diary Part 12 - 8th National Ballroom Dancing Championship 2011

Status: Completed. 

My FIRST SOLO competition. It felt sooooo different, being out on the dancefloor alone. It was as if all eyes were on you, judging you, noticing every little move (and mistake) that you made... Especially when dancing in the finals, it was only down to 6 people on the floor, and THAT was downright scary. No kidding. 

Okay, let me back up a little. The competition was held on the 12th of June at Penang Bayview Beach Resort, the very same place that I went for my first competition last November. Very nostalgic, if you would ask me. But then again, it was a good thing to be familiar with the place, at least I know my way around, and I kinda could imagine how the competition would look like, the dancefloor and all... 

But then again, it was still a whole new experience in a whole new way. For one, the people going with me this time were pretty different. There were many new people, new friends and all.
And then it was the category that I joined, Solo Beginner. SOLO & PARTNERLESS. T___T
And then it was the dance that I were to do this time. Cha Cha and Jive. The 2 dances I am not really familiar with. Even during drilling, I had a pretty hard time improving my Jive. Somemore kena scolded many times by Uncle William and Aunty Merle! =( I remember 2 weeks before the competition, Uncle William was so frustrated when teaching me the Jive techniques that he fumed at me :" I don't even know why you want to join competition lar, dancing like this!!!"... =( =( =(

But somehow criticism pushed me to work even harder in my dance. I did practice really hard, allocating at least 2 hours per day dancing at IMU dance room, and that did not include the everyday drilling sessions at WLD. And I was glad I did that. I'm glad I didn't give up on myself even when everyone else seems to have no high hopes in me. For hard work did pay off as I managed to make my way through to the finals! As they recalled dancers from Heats to Semi-Finals and then Finals... it was almost exhilarating to see my number on the board each time. 

And there was even some problem in our category that made us had to re-dance the finals. According to the organizers  our Jive routine consists of some out-of-syllabus steps, and so Aunty Merle had to pull us aside and re-choreograph our routine on the spot, and then we went for the re-dance... >.<

And after all the hassle and mess, we got the results, and I got 6th placing!!! =) I kinda expected that, since my techniques were seriously lacking and I am so nervous till I might even be out-timing at times. But still, at least I got a placing!!! And it was already kinda what I expected! Especially when there were many other studio mates of mine who joined my category, and during drillings, they seems to be much better than me. I thought I'd maybe survived till semi-finals and get eliminated by my own studio-mates... it will be as far as I go and I'll be satisfied already. =P

Guess I'm pretty lucky this time. But then this gave me more motivation to try and do better for the next competition. And I was happy when Uncle William said to me after the competition that I actually improved a little, and Aunty Luisa also told me this is a good start and encouraged me to work harder and get better placing next time. Dear teachers, I will surely try to improve! Thanks for all your teaching and guidance this long, I love you all!   

My cert... No medals though... T__T Next time I'll try to get medals... that's my dream!

Some of my studio-mates who joined the same category as me 

My beloved teacher , Uncle William and I

My AWESOME technique class teacher, Aunty Luisa and I

Choon Wei the joker who graduated from IMU

Onn Rei gor gor... =)

Young Nisha with her charming-enough-to-kill eyes...O.O

And I met my sifu from Ipoh too!!! She was also one of the judges for the competition... It had been awhile since I had seen her. I'm glad to be able to catch her during a competition break and talked to her awhile and take photos! =) She brought along a few of my friends too for this competition, and I managed to catch up with them too after my event ended... =)

My former Sifu from Ipoh, Alice Hor

Sifu's husband, we call him JJ sifu =P

Somehow I ended up being in a group photo with my former teacher and my present teacher... AWESOME. =)

Till the next time!!! Sure wish there will be a next time! =)

Dance Diary Part 11 --- Dancing Alone

Yet again.

Partner wasn't free, wasn't interested, wasn't even dancing anymore these days... Guess he's been really busy, coping with life and exams and all. =( I don't blame him actually. In fact, I didn't even mention to him about this coming competition. For after knowing him this long, I had came to learn that he has his reasons. Part of them which I kinda know of; part of them might remain a secret he wouldn't have told me... But anyway, as a partner as well as a friend, I gotta learn to support him in his decisions. The girl I was last time would've been angry, would've threw a tantrum, would've even cried... but yet at one unknown point of time, I had learnt to leave that childish self behind. I might be sad, but after awhile, it wasn't so overwhelming anymore.


And so I am learning to make it on my own while he is away.. =(


And in that, standing up to face a new challenge in life --- dancing solo. I had only joined one competition before, and had been used to having a partner around; one whom I can hang onto for encouragements, support, courage, push-pulls, counting beats... even an arm or a shoulder to stabilize myself when we are out dancing on the floor. It was awesome, to know that there is always someone there by your side who got your back.

And yet, now it's all down to myself to save my own neck out there.

Moreover, it is going to be Cha Cha and Jive!!! The two fast-paced dances that I suck most at. To think about it, I barely even learnt any Jive before. For the millionth time I am wondering out loud, why oh why couldn't it be Rhumba Samba instead?!! Even Paso sounds better than Jive! Sigh...

Neways, guess I'll take this as a calling for me to learn some new dance styles and improve on what I am weak on. Afterall, I can't be dwelling in my comfort zone forever, or hiding in the shadows of a partner! I gotta be able to stand on my own two feet first, before I can shine for myself, as well as my partner.
Hence... lemme quote Barney Stintson --- Challenge Accepted! =)

I shall train hard, and see where it takes me. I might suck now, I might still be lousy by the time of the competition... but one thing I know, I will not suck forever if I did always try my best to improve.. One day, I could be good too. =)

P/S: Partner, will you ever come back? ='(

Have you forgotten your Angel...?

Angel I hear you, speak I listen, stay by my side, guide me; Angel my soul was weak, forgive me, enter at last, Master...

Choir was MUCHO fun! Even performed once, and it was an amazing experience. Moreover, it was "Phantom of The Opera" medley! My all time favorite songs... =)

I kinda miss singing Phantom...

Lately life had begun to speed up, much to my dismay. (time pass more quickly = summatives coming sooner) These days I had start to realize the fact that I am leaving IMU pretty soon. Just a few more months here; yet it seemed like just yesterday I was a noobie junior at orientation!!! Sigh... I'm starting to sound like some nostalgic old woman, please bear with me. But you see, much as I am excited about PMS, going abroad and all, it made me a trifle sad that I am leaving this place that I had grown so familiar with over the past years.

And the people too. You, you and you...

  

Had officially passed dance club down to the 'younger generation'. Guess it really is time for me to move on to the next chapter in life. Only hope is that in the next chapter, there will still be DANCE in it!!! =)

It was nice dancing with you guys... Those memories will stay en mi corazón forever. 

You'll know it when there is this someone who is always there for you, to protect you, and to guide you. They call it Guardian Angel.
See, I am sending an angel before you, to guard you on the way and bring you to the place I have prepared.  --  Exodus 23:20
Wonderful thought. I wonder who is my Guardian Angel?

And you,

have you forgotten your Angel...? =(

The walk was nice. Felt something like the way it used to be. How long had it been? I had really missed it. Gimme one wish and I would wish to have one day of the life as it was, back then. I knew I was happy.

Would be a nice ending, even to the saddest story.  

And as the story goes, 














I'll always be your Angel...

You are Special... =)

It always intrigues me how different people can be. Funny how could it be when we are all creations of the same Maker? When I was younger I would wonder; Lord, why is it that You make everyone of us different? Ain't there be disagreements? Ain't there be misunderstandings? Ain't there be war?...

As I grow older, I meet people, and I've come to realize, that in every unique individual we meet, there is something worth learning from them. The people you meet in your life, they make a mark on you somehow or rather, even if you might not notice it. 

I've long learnt not to be judgmental. For me, I never give anyone 'death penalties', instead, I always try my best to give everyone second chances. For I always believe that people CAN change. No doubt they have the ability to. It's often just a matter of will. 

Human minds are such wonderful creations. Our brains consist of the same primary structures, and yet, the mindset and thinkings that we develop later in life can be so contradicting with each other at times. I used to have this weird habit of asking people random questions to ponder upon. Questions about love, life, friendship, God, family... and almost everything. And the feedbacks that I get are always wonderfully insightful. There are the ones that speaks my mind spot on, and yet there are many that contradicts my thinking and beliefs, sometimes way off my tracks and boundaries. Fortunately, I could say that I am one who is pretty much open-minded. Hence for those who oppose my line of thoughts, I welcome them just as well, and I respect their thoughts just as much. I might or might not be affected by these surge of new inputs, but I always view them as a good thing. Opens up a lot of new perspectives, you see. Sort of widens my horizon, broadens my meek narrow mind. There is never too much to see, learn and experience... 

Which might explain why I love collecting quotes. I used to have this 'quote book' in which I jot down all the nice quotes that I came across; in the Bible, in the books I read, in the movies I watched, or even from the people I meet. Keeping a quote, it's like keeping a piece of someone's mind. You will ponder over how that quote came to be expressed, you will smile at it's relatedness, you will shudder at it's truthfulness... And many a time, when I came across a quote, there will be this certain someone on my mind. And so I will share with them, these essence of  man and literature. Because I am one who always believe that we should be more expressive of ourselves, and it's literally unhealthy to keep thoughts to oneself. 

I wish to be a psychiatrist. A counselor. A psychology consultant... reading and analyzing minds, helping people in the going. The anatomy of a human's mind, is far greater than that of a human body. So much yet to explore and understand and learn...!   

And still again, you are SPECIAL. =)

Kay Kay Beeee!!!

Wasn't as bad as I expected. In fact, it was pretty FUN. Well, it wasn't perfect, wasn't wonderful; but then I would let them off and focus on the great things instead. *even the ridiculous scoldings we got every single day from nurse rita...? No!* =.=

Like the company maybe. Had a pretty good time with my roommates. 6 girls in a hostel room meant for 8 person. Not too crowded. We had real fun on the first night, playing a self created game which compromised of some drinking game + Truth or Dare... it was fun, really a wonderful ICEBREAKER!!! With lots of laughter, and a sore back (due to a limbo punishment in the end)... lolx... [Pity the guys who got our prank calls though...]

our room at the nursing hostel 

Hospital rotations were great too (apart from the constant presence of THE NOTORIOUS nurse rita) Seriously she is EVERYWHERE! (Even at the oddest hour, in the deepest heart of the Wad Bersalin where we were behind heavily-drawn curtains watching the nurses measure a dilation...) >.<
It was really a true-blue hospital setting, and it was kinda over-whelming for all of us at times. There were so many new things to be experienced and learnt, so many different cases, so many out-of-textbook cases we were yet to be exposed to... And many a time, we felt so small and humble by the fact that there are just so much medical knowledge that we don't know still.

So much I learnt, but the most significant, was to have more empathy to patients. It comes pretty naturally though, I would say. It was impossible not to empathize them when it comes down to really seeing them, talking to them, and getting their full history and all. (maybe a little TOO MUCH of empathy for our own good T__T)

And for the first time ever, I did really feel the desire to help them. It's not like in the past when people ask you, why do you want to be a doctor? You will tell them the standard answer, because I want to save lives and help people; whereas deep down you might not even mean what you were saying. This time around, my heart was the one saying that. And it was so unbelievable that it surprised me. I never was one who has the passion for being a doctor, saving lives and all, but now, maybe, just maybe... I had actually started to like this job a little? Maybe I'm learning. Maybe I'm changing. Whatever it is, I'm embracing it! ^__^

Initially I thought I was going to suffer there, but apparently I did not. Even the absence of internet (my drug) was bearable. Even the cold water baths at night I found refreshing. Even the unknown bugs flying around and biting me were forgiven. Even the dirty, hard bunk bed provided me with great nights of sleep. And the food there were NICE, I have to admit.

In fact, it awakened the carefree young village girl in me, one that was long forgotten and hidden among the layers of growing up. It was like I was transported back to the days when I was that little girl, living in that little village I was so fond of. To the life I had before I moved to Ipoh. Those childhood days where I never knew what was the internet, where I take cold water baths from wells, where I catch bugs and tadpoles, and run around barefooted, catching fishes in paddy field, watching stars and chasing the moon at night.
And I realized that even though I had long since moved on, I do miss those days sometimes... =(


Too much of nostalgic crap here, time to stop. =)

KKB, a nice learning experience, leaving me with much to ponder upon... 
Kinda helped me find myself again. 
I think sometimes we do need quiet isolation as such, so that we can finally get to listen to that little voice from deep inside our hearts...  

yesterday... once more? ):

They can take the future that we'll never know

They can take the places that we said we will go

All the broken dreams take everything

Just take it away but they can never have yesterday

omigosh omigosh... I couldn't get that off my mind. FML

Your eyes. Your eyes at that very moment.

Why avoid my gaze? Why look the other way?

Your voice. Your voice when you said those words.

I could hear the crack. I could feel the pain.

And all I could do was to STONE.


Is that the best you can do, gal?!! F*** you noob, you noob!
Should've touched your hand... Should've given you a hug... Should've at least said something...


Damn! I can't forgive myself! T___________T

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......................

......................

Well, no point regretting, what's done is done. What's not done is... not done. At least you were fine after that. (Or so I think =.=)


I know I could be stubborn at times. A little noisy and annoying, maybe. Pretty childish-ly mischievous, even.


Yes, the way I jumped around all the time, and asked too many questions.
Yes, the way I keep pestering you to allow me to tag along.
Yes, the way I stuck my tongue out at you when you didn't let me stay on.


But I love you.

When we had so much in store

Tell me what is it I'm reaching for

When we're through building memories

I'll hold yesterday in my heart

Yes, I will hold you close to my heart, forever.
Promise.

I know I'll see you again, I'm sure

No, it's not selfish to ask for more

One more night, one more day

One more smile on your face

But they can't take yesterday

Will I see your smile again? ):
For the nth time in my life, I hope that yesterday never did end...




gal, you ask for too much sometimes... Grow up! Move on! *slaps myself*

********************

Me gonna miss you... *sobs sniff sniff breaksdown*

As ever...

Heart beating, broken, shattered?
I'm still pacing, running, chasing.

Trying, trying hard to walk away

But always ended up here again,

I need to look away,

But looking from this distance again,

Couldn't get nearer; couldn't leave either,

I'm lost in this masquerade.

Stop breathing,
Cuz every breath I take is you;
Stop looking,
Cuz every sight I see is you;
Stop dancing,
Cuz every dance comes from you;
Stop singing,
Cuz every song I sing is your name.

Don't wanna look into your eyes,

For I know I'll never be able to look away.

If you ever know,

You're the reason I'm still here pacing,

Why I knew the darkness of the corridors at ten,

Why I knew the quietness of the streets at two.

是这一种距离，
那隔着玻璃的静寂……
难受，真的很难受……

I already gave you my heart, what more do you want from me?

This night is long.
And you never picked up the phone.
Wonder if you would ever care to get back to me?

But as ever, I'll be waiting.

Don't leave me out here dancin' alone...

Happenings?

Life had never been so happening before. Seriously this post will look like a thesis if I were to write about all these stuff I had over the past months...

I didn't know that being a sem 2 medical student in IMU is THAT busy. I didn't know that the workload could be so suffocating. I didn't know that time could pass so fast. I didn't know that exams could be so stressful it can drive you nuts...

Thank God I am still pretty sane after all that turmoil of EOS 2.


I'll forever remember the desperate measures we came up with, to memorize the never-ending list of viruses, pharmaco, antimicrobials...
EBV (en en's disease =p) with infectious mononucleosis, JC & bak-ku-teh, the fierce mother story of Picornaviridae...
Terfenadine, Loratadine... Trimetaphan, Hexamethonium...
4 generations of Cephalosporin's story...
My self-created Ovulation Phase Contemporary Dance...
And not to forget the most well-known JOINT DANCE... (credits to Pak) =p =p =p


I'll remember the late night studying in Sg.Besi McD. Drinking coke for the caffeine and sugar rush to keep ourselves awake up till 5am.
I'll remember the 4 consecutive days of eating nasi goreng kampung.Ill remember the days of unkempt hair, dark eye circles, the forever tired look, and holding notes wherever we go.


Oh, and had I told you yet, I changed church? Frm ACTS to New Life Restoration Centre. Felt much more at home there...


There were pretty much happenings in my dance life too, at least, more than I expected. And srsly, I'm really thankful to God for all these wonderful opportunities given to me. And also for all the nice friendly people I got to know along the way.


KLDA is a pretty nice place, I've come to know. The people there were friendly, and I adore the big open spaces and smooth polish floor. Got to attend a ballroom dance workshop, learnt some little detailed tips and insights of Waltz and Tango. But with what little that I knew, I am still very very far behind in Ballroom. Guess imma focus on my Latin first. ^_^






The best still, was working as volunteer at the KLDA Rising Star Competition. I was assigned as floor runner (the one who runs around collecting score sheets from judges after every dance) and also to help out with the prizes onstage (literally meaning arranging and giving out prizes to presenters). It was a wonderful experience all in all, it was my first time watching a live competition, and to be involved in the organising team, even though a small role it might be, it was more than I had asked for. *And I got appreciation flowers!* Awesome eye-opener for me.. O.O (thanks a zillion, Kevin, for giving me the chance!!!)


What's more, I was elected IMU Dance Club President!!! Okie, you guys might think what's the big deal about it, but to me, it means a lot. A pretty 'dead' club it might be now, but I still LOVE it. Dance is like the only getaway for me from all the madness of my uni life, like a sip of iced-tea on a hot summer's day...=p Frankly, I've never been any president for anything before, so yea, a challenge it is. But challenge shall I stand up to. To try my best to raise a 'dead' club back to life, to introduce, and to spread the love towards this wonderful form of Art among all of IMU community. To spread the gospel of dance... gosh, I sound like some minister here. But then again... yay!!! And I'm glad to have a bunch of real awesome committee to back me up, together we can do this!!!



TO kick off, we had already arranged a couple of dance classes in IMU, hip hop and latin... hopefully more to come! And the classes were great. I joined both classes, and had lots and lots of fun with my friends there. Although I SUCK BIG TIME in Hip-Hop, the nights we spent sweating through our routines and laughing at each other's funniness totally ROCKS. And the late night drinks at the roadside mamak!!! ^_^


Latin wasn't a breeze either, in fact, it kicks ass! For one, it was Salsa, which I had totally NO IDEA how was that dance like. And the instructor was Mr. William, my sifu's sifu!!! Which is scareee!!!! Which means my sifu will know, what a DISGRACE I am. T__T


And as I expected, Mr William did tell her about me. They refused to tell me the contents, but I figured out it might not be anything good? And trust me, you wouldn't want to know how badly Sifu teased me when I got back to her. She's really ADORABLE. =P

And oh, she said she'll train me for medalist test, if I want. I had always though she never had plans for me, but she did. Maybe, after all these years, I had finally become more and more a student of hers?
Maybe, maybe. ^_^


In the meantime, I gotta enjoy my holidays to the VERY FULLEST!!! Imma getting my private lesson next Wednesday! *excited*
And studio's anniversary dinner is coming soon! *looking forward*

Life is just so wonderful when there is dance... ^_^

Dance Diary Part 8 - Of Passion and Priorities

The whole week passed by in fury, in hurry. Performed my contemp dance not once, but twice on the same week. Once on Monday, and once yesterday. And also the fan dance.


Lots of last minute information and changes; atrium floor not available for our 2nd contemp performance, and we had to make do with the stage which is less than half the size of the floor, while risking throwing ourselves down the stage every leap we made. And our fan dance too, had to be performed on an outdoor make-shift carpeted stage that was wobbly and had gaps we might accidently stick our toes in, with a weakly-supported windshield that almost fell onto us when the wind blew from behind during one of our last-minute practice session. Good thing we crawled and ran away in time before the whole thing came crashing onto the ground we had been just a few seconds earlier.


We braced through everything, though surely, with flaws and a little something here and there, but still with multitude of praises and gratitude along the way. However this was when I thought, that's enough for now. I've had enough of dance performances for now. I needed rest. Badly needed a rest. My body hurt like hell, it felt as though I was ran over by a truck ten times. There were bruises all over my legs, shoulders and backside, and my wrist hurt cuz I used it all the time to absorb the momentum of my fall when I slammed myself onto the ground. My toes were peeled and scratched from all that pointing and pirouetting on barefoot...


Yes indeed, it was fun, learning new dances, facing up to new challenges. But I'm tired. Not that I don't enjoy dancing anymore, but I have to be rational. There is always a limit to everything, I had learnt. Much as I wanted to take every single opportunity I get to do whatever I love, there are other duties of mine that I couldn't neglect.
No, I don't mind the pain, I could stand way worse.
No I don't mind the challenge, it helped me learn even more.


It was the consequences that distresses me.
Like neglecting my studies. Like my deteriorating health...


There are some things that come before passion, and those, are called priorities.
I've learnt.


I'm a first year medical student.
not a dancer, not a performer, not a charity worker...
And I should know my priorities...



So long for now, imma gonna take a break from all these for the timebeing. Till I set everything right again. Don't worry, I'm not gonna stop or give up on dancing. Never. I'm just resting and regenerating, for the long journey ahead.. *winks* (Indeed, my dance journey's gonna be a real long, slow-progressing one. You'll gonna have the patience if you wanna walk with me...! =p)

Neways, I'll leave you with...

Memories! It was really nice dancing with you all... ^_^

Till the next time we meet again...

CNY @ Home

CNY is going to end soon. And I seriously don't wish it to. For one main reason, you'll be gone after CNY. Back to where you were supposed to be, to get on with a life you were supposed to live.

But you know what? We were supposed to be together too. Supposed to be by each other's side...

But why do we have to end up like this?

Visited my Sifu during the forth day of CNY, just as I did last CNY. Time flies yea? It seems like just yesterday that I was there, playing with her little doggie and chatting away, and now again I am there, and a year had already passed.

And yes I noticed, we both grew. Not so much physically, but mentally. A year could really change a lot of things. And it was indeed a rough year for both of us, which I came to know as we shared stories. For more than 3 hours we talked on, about stories of life, of love, and most of all, dance. There was a lot of emo talk when it came to dance politics and some certain people.

For one, Sifu told me about more betrayals and unappreciative students. People who left, people who were greedy, people who betrayed trusts, people who take advantages of empathy and kindness, people who did not know how to appreciate good deed done for them... And throughout the conversation, I realized that Sifu had became a much much stronger woman than before. I remember when I first met her more than two years ago, she was this innocent, carefree, bubbly, cute personality that loves to help and give selflessly, always thinking of others more than herself, happy and contented, living life like a little princess in her very own fairy tale.

I guess that was then. Before she was forced to face the ugliness of the world, before she had to learn that life was never a fairy tale and people who are too good are usually the ones who got hurt the most. In a way, I'm glad she learnt. I'm glad she changed, hardened her heart, so as to protect herself from getting hurt over and over again. Glad that she finally realized, and that in future, hopefully she would not be scarred as she was before. For I love her, and wish her to be happy. But then again, I'm also furious, furious at the people and the world, for forcing her into this change.

You see, if not for them, she wouldn't have had to change at all.
And I do miss her old self, loads.

But at least, she forgave. She did not lock herself up in the prison of an unforgiving heart. Instead, she learnt, and moved on. For that, I'm really proud of her. ^_^


Guess I gotta buck up and move on too. CNY is ending, uni is starting. You are leaving, life without you is starting. Dance is reducing, schoolwork is increasing.
There's always a wonderful balance in this world isn't it? For everything lost, there are things replacing. For every end, there is a beginning.

And hopefully, for the better.
Yupz, together, let us hope for the better!!!

Day 95 - Dance Diary Part 5 - Of Patience and Confidence

I thought my dance diary had to be temporary frozen when I am back to IMU, but strangely enough for this time, it's still hot and happening! *Yay!!!* =p

And seriously the amount of dancing didn't get any lesser when I am back here, instead, it increased... A LOT. Over the past week I had been here in IMU, there was not a day which I didn't dance. And for the past Friday and Saturday, I had been dancing for at least 5 hours per day! Firstly, we had to practice our Cha Cha routine to perform next Wednesday for the CNY Celebration Week. But mostly were to practise our Chinese Fan Dance routine which was pretty difficult, thanks to Wei Jin who found this routine which initially was danced by some China Dance Company/Dance School thingy... So you can imagine how good they are, and how hard it is to execute the routine the way they did. And that being said, if I were to ever be able to dance so well, I won't be in IMU in the first place, I'll be happily earning my dance degree in some prestigious Art School, rather than reserching on Streptococcus sp. for my annoying PBL tomorrow...


The problems didn't end here; we couldn't find a good fan. Initially we bought a ciplak furry red plastic fan, which furs fall off after only one day of practice. The incredible Wei Jin even tore his fan into strips of sticks. So much for our RM5.90 furry fan. We had to buy new ones in Petaling Street, this time, a red-cloth-wooden-handle fan. This fan is bigger, but harder to control too. Especially for a left-handed person like me. *Sigh*




So that spells MORE MORE MORE TRAINING!!!


You see, as much as I love dancing, I was never a talented dancer. Dance doesn't come easy to me. For one, I never really knew how to use my body. I wonder why I wasn't like other girls when I was young, curious about doing cartwheels, bridges and splits... Seriously when I was young, I never even did anything as much as shaking my hips before. Maybe because of my shy personality, I never dared to. And now I pretty much regretted it, having to train my stiff bones and body to do all those splits and spins and moves they had never explored before. It amazes me how much human body can actually do, each time I see a new move or style. Though much as I wanted to achieve them all, there were still limits to my ability. Born with MVP and hence being generally weak, also made things harder for me, as long hours of dancing drains me fast.


But just so you know, a slow learner as I am, I do still presevere in learning what I really wanted to learn. Different types of dances, different types of moves. It might take me long, it might distress me at times, but for the love of it, I never gave up. Do forgive me for the times I lagged behind, for the times I couldn't comprehend the mechanisms of each move, for the times I lost my confidence and wavered in my steps. Give me time, and slowly I'll improve.


However, I understand not every teacher out there could be that patient. For this, I really would like to thank my Sifu, for all the patience she had for me, for all her encouragements and efforts to lift me up even when I was slow and unsteady. She never extinguishes my confidence. Don't get me wrong, she does critic me a lot, maybe just the way she presented it. And I am really grateful. You see, new, shy and afraid as I was when I first took up Latin dance, I suppose if she wasn't tactful enough, I might have just thought of myself as a total failure and never dared to dance again. It is all because of her that I grew from a super shy girl to who I am today, braver, more confidence, more motivated.


When my parents thought I was only wasting my time, when my friends doubted me... my Sifu was the only one who was there to support me, through the difficult, low self-esteem phase. Even now, there are people who still doubted me, there are people who still looks down on me; for times as such, I couldn't say that it does not affect me; truth is, it hurts a lot, and it does bring me down.

Sifu's the one who lifted me up again, forever like a confidence booster to me. She might not be the most skilled teacher in the world, but to me, she's the best. Always my inspiration. Without her, I wouldn't have made it this far.


And now, I'm missing her a lot. *sob*

Cha Cha performance next Wednesday! Even when I'm tired, I shall train well.
Gotta make Sifu proud. ^_^




















Praying hard,
Christine

Day 86 - Dance Diary Part 4 - Of Tears and Laughter

My holidays are drawing to an end. This my last week here in Ipoh before my sem 2 in IMU commences. Last week of dancing with you too... T.T

The last lesson with Sifu was totally hilariously fun, to begin with. When she came to fetch us to her studio, she told me she was going to drop something to somewhere halfway. It turned out to be two drawers she wanted to send to a key shop. And it was just two individual drawers taken right out from her cupboard/wardrobe... Doesn't sound right, rite?

The story was that she sent the original drawer keys to the shop, hoping to make a copy of them. When she took back the copies, it didn't work. So she sent it back again, and the second copies didn't work either. She was pretty pissed off then, so she brought along her drawers for them to make another copy that is sure to work this time! (Lolx... at such a thing to happen!)

While the key makers were fussing with the keys, we proceeded to the studio. For our last lesson, we finished up our Samba routine, with more emphasis on techniques this time. Hips motion and most importantly, how to move along the dance floor, in an anti-clockwise direction. We weren't really good about the moving part, our Samba was pretty much stationary, or mebe only moving a little the previous lessons. Thank God at the end of the lesson, we managed to get the hang out of it!!! We could even circle around the studio, repeating the routine at different positions, without messing up our direction of steps.

And we even learnt the classic Samba Roll!!! It wasn't anything for beginners actually, but Sifu decided to teach us that, as a farewell gift maybe? ^__^ That was a move I had wanted to learn for so long, for it always fascinates me how beautifully flowy this move could be if executed well. But yes, you saw that, 'IF EXECUTED WELL'. And frankly we didn't execute it anywhere near well. Looked pretty much like some move out of a puppet dance when we did it, stiff and awkward, and it cracked us up a lot watching ourselves in the mirror. *Now I understand why this move isn't meant for beginners!* Gotta work HARD on this!!! =p


Learnt the techniques of spinning too, under my request. Cuz boy, I suck at spinning, big time. So I had wanted to polish up my spinning techniques. Spent the last 15 minutes or so spinning in each direction and trying to balance myself, trying to spot, trying to look good, trying to spin in a straight line, trying to keep myself from getting dizzy... It was downright hard work for me. And the outcome? I suck less! =p


Before we left the studio, I took some photos with my sifu, it was hard work convincing her to do so, for according to her, she wasn't pretty enough for a photo shot. So after finally convincing her that she looked even prettier than me, she agreed; but still, not after she forced me to remove my dancing shoes. Reason, she didn't want me to look much much taller than her! So I did. But truth is, even barefooted, I am taller than her!!! Nyek nyek... ^_^


After that, Sifu fetched us home while dropping by the shop to get her drawers and keys back. I didn't follow her down but Chin Yaw did, and man, cuz of that I missed out a good show! =p Sifu reaccounted the story to me later when she got back into the car, and it seriously sent me into a laughing fit, though I wasn't supposed to. =p

So for dunno what reason, she was reckoned as a stupid woman by the key-maker, who told her that it wasn't the keys which weren't working, but it was that she used the wrong keys to open the wrong drawers! And for these new copies, they even put sticker labels for her, and explained to her which key was for which drawer as though explaining 123 to a three year old kid. Sifu was pretty pissed off, and replied him curtly that she wasn't that stupid of a woman as he thought, and that she DID try both keys for both drawers. So there was this little arguement I assume, and Sifu and the key-maker mutual blacklisted each other I suppose! But as Sifu is, she wasn't actually pissed off or angry, she was just exasperated and innocently hurt; which made me couldn't help but laugh at her misfortune. *damn bad, I know...*

Neways, I'll forever remember,

我不是那么蠢的一个女人!!!

死鸡撑饭盖？！！

不要污辱我的智慧！！！

Funny quotes from Sifu!!! =p =p =p

And as the day ended, we waved goodbye to Sifu, promising that I'll be back to visit her during CNY. Thank you, Sifu, for all the good times that we had. One day, Sifu, I'll be back again to learn, just as I always did. No I'm still not gonna give up, no matter how hard the journey could be. And hopefully by then, I can be better than I am now, able to soar just the way you wanted me to. ^_^

Till then,
Christine


*******

This might be the final part of my dance diary before it is sent to hibernate mode, for dance doesn't come easy once I am not in Ipoh... sigh...
Sometimes I feel really lazy to write, but I still do. For my writings keep the moments fresh, so that in future, if I ever missed the past, I could always read back on them, and savage in the tears and laughter of those memories. And most important of all, I wanna keep the memories fresh, for I'd loved every single moment with you, you and you... And I just don't wanna forget them, not one bit, even...

Day 76 - Dance Diary Part 3 - Of Samba and Puke?!

Having Latin two days in a row is darn tiring. In preparation for our Genting trip (yay!!!) from tomorrow till Friday, we somehow had to cram all our lessons with Sifu yesterday and today. And on top of that, Ballroom was tonight too. All these were what made my feet throb... even now.

Lesson learnt --- Never arrange Latin and Ballroom classes together on the same day if you are to learn techniques for both... It... KILLS. Both you, your feet and your partner... =p


For Latin, we started off with a new routine on Monday, after polishing up with our Cha Cha. It was Samba. I hadn't really learnt a lot of Samba, so I though this was a good chance to get myself more familiar with this hot Brazilian dance. Started off with some core strength and hips technique training, samba walk, criss-cross volta, bota fogo...

I find Samba a really captivating dance, very special in many ways. Firstly, it moves around the place a lot more than the other latin genres, and Samba is danced in an anti-clockwise manner. Secondly, the ladies are always on the outer circle, and the men in the inner circle. Many a time, the men are to be sort of a 'shadow' to the ladies. Thirdly, Samba needs nicely executed hips and stomach motions to bring out the personality of the dance, which I think is pretty similar to stomach churning.

And the stomach churning thingy din't do good to me as I had a heavy lunch, and after Samba-ing for half an hour or so, I seriously felt waves of nausea in every move I made. Thank God I actually managed to hold it all back and continued dancing for more than an hour, till the end of the lesson. But I looked really green in the face after all that.


Lesson learnt --- Never eat too much before dancing Samba. This is serious advice. You won't wanna puke all over the dancefloor!


Borrowed the latin clothes from Sifu. 4 similar tops, hand-made. They look nice to me, the four different striking colours on the same black base, complete with soft-flowing ruffles. But the tops were bareback, bare-tummy, bare shoulders... pretty bare all in all. I'm worried no one would dare to wear it... T.T Just hope I could gather enough dancers and train them in time for the coming CNY performance in IMU. It's just about three weeks away from now, and so far, Wei Jin and I hadn't had much preparations done yet, mostly due to Summative 1 & then the sem break in the way. But we decided we'd do some simple group Latin instead, so IMU folks, anyone interested?

*******

As for Ballroom, we finally got to proceed in our Waltz, doing whisks and chasses. But still, a lot of practice was required to get a hang out of it all. And did I tell you? I got myself a new pair of ballroom shoes! It was 2-inches heeled, closed-toed, gold, and made of soft materials. I love the glitter gold fire-tongue-like design at the back, giving a slight touch of glamour to the demureness of the shoes. And these shoes were softer than Latin's, so I got away from the night with only a blister near my soles, not bloody cut-lines. ^_^


*******

Packed for Genting and managed to catch episode 5 of SYTYCD Season 6. This season seems better than the previous, and the dancers seems more talented than ever. And most of the talents were much younger too, most of the good ones only just turned 18. Wow. And one thing I notice about auditions, the judges like to put great ballroom or contemporary dancers straight through to Vegas, but they hold back on great hip-hopers or dancers of other genres. Maybe they have doubts on the latter's versatility... I'm not sure.



I guess if I ever entered SYTYCD USA, I won't even get pass audition. Nigel wouldn't even let me dance for more than one minute. And the best thing Mary can say will be: "You're just not strong enough for this competition... I'm sorry. But keep working hard, and thank you for coming...!"



Lesson learnt --- As a dancer, grow in what you do, and try to be more versatile. I realized that I am sadly, not at all a versatile dancer, judging from the hard time I have going through adapting to Ballroom. As Raymond always say, " I DON'T WANT YOUR LATIN STYLE!!! THIS IS BALLROOM, NOT LATIN!!!" These days, I'd come to realize that on this journey, there are still loads I need to improve on. It never fails to amaze me, how there is such a wide horizon to dance, how there are such heights I am yet to explore... so much more.



If this journey has stages, then I'm an infant; new, amazed, excited but afraid. Would I ever be the strong, confident adult I would so wish to be?
I don't know.
But I'll grow.

And we'll see. ^_^



Genting tomorrow! Can't wait,
Christine

Day 74 - Dance Diary Part 2 - Of Heels and Toes

It had been two weeks since I ventured into my new-found dance field, and still, I'm so very unfamiliar with all the mechanisms, or techniques, as we call them. And boy, my pace at picking up Ballroom techniques is ten times slower than Latin, so I ended up still stuck in doing the basics after these whole two weeks. *Sigh... I fail...* T.T


There is one major difference in Latin and Ballroom --- Latin's always on pointe, while Ballroom needs to heel and toe. As a Latin dancer from the start, I admit it's pretty hard to assimilate the heel toe thingy into my steps. Very often, my Latin instinct/muscle memory/nature whatever-you-call-it takes over, and I move forward on pointe instead, earning me more scoldings from my new teacher, Raymond or his partner, Marie.


Raymond is very strict when it comes to dancing, he never hesitates to scold us sternly whenever we did mistakes or were just not up to par on the techniques. He even hits our arms and legs if we were to place them in a wrong position or moved them incorrectly. Harsh training, but I know it was all for our own good. I don't mind it one bit, it really pushed me. And what motivated me more to push myself on even when I was darn tired, even when I made so many mistakes over and over again that I wish to just give up and rest... was what he said at the end of a lesson: " You are one who can dance, that is why I wanted you to do the steps & techniques perfectly. If it's for someone who isn't really a dancer, just steps will do enough for them..."


And so I got up and tried again and again, ignoring the way my Latin shoes were carving bloody lines on my flesh, as I struggle to support myself well "the Ballroom way" in them. Truth is, it isn't advisable at all to dance Ballroom in Latin shoes, as the Latin heels were higher, which means less support as well as difficult rise and fall for Waltz. And the open-toe structure would mean gliding on your toes instead of in your shoes. *No wonder my toes were traumatized at the end of each lesson...sigh*

Note to self: Should get myself a pair of Ballroom shoes asap! (I'm not going to give up on Ballroom, will continue learning it, so yea, Ballroom shoes are essential for me.)

*******

Unlike the stressed, highly driven Ballroom classes, Latin classes were high-spirited and just, full of fun and energy. One thing about Sifu, she's one of the most adorable teacher I had ever met, really bubbly most of the time. And I think the bubbliness is one thing I learnt from her too, aside dancing. Lolx... We could talk about almost everything, and very often, we would send each other laughing all the way on the car to the studio, through lessons, and back home. And as dear Chin Yaw got more familiar around her, it became us three sitting around after class, cooling down in the studio and chatting away.


Well, it might sound like all fun and non-serious learning, but don't get me wrong, it's still a huge amount of learning, plus sweat and blood and a lot of effort. Latin classes were never a breeze, though I find them much more in my comfort zone compared to Ballroom. Over the past 2 weeks, we had got through an intermediate chacha routine, with a split specially choreographed for me, but which I couldn't execute well as I lost my split to Summative 1 in IMU... *long story* Anyway, it was later replaced with some other move. Samba was next, beginner's steps, techniques included. And Samba techniques sure isn't taufu.


Still a lot to work on --- fluidity of executing the routines, interaction with partner, my still-sucky spins, timing, my Cuban Break... and imma determined to regain my split. (Sifu thinks I'm cheating her about doing the 4 splits in cheerleading...grrr...)


I got till next week. Gotta practise my feet off. =p

P/S: Got to visit Sifu's newly-renovated third floor of her studio... (remember the dark-dusty-abandoned-ju-on-hideout-like 3rd floor I mentioned in my previous post? You can check it out HERE...) She cleaned and renovated most of it herself! Unbelievable! So she earned herself another 'title' --- renovation worker, on top of all her previous 'titles' --- dancer, adjudicator, teacher, costume designer, artist, children caretaker, driver... *Simply awesome!*


Gute Nacht,
Christine

Day 67 - Dance Diary Part 1 - Of Latin and Ballroom

Phew, a week had passed since I left IMU to indulge in this wonderful holiday... *hmmm*

A weekful of yummy Ipoh food! (Fattening, but ahh, worth it, for food like these! =p)
A weekful of luxurious 10-hours-per-day sleep! (Srsly, I sleep like a pig nowadays)
A weekful of not touching any academic related stuff! (COP included...T.T)

What's more, a weekful of INTENSIVE DANCING!!! As in intensive, I don't mean 24/7, but still for one like me who am dance-deprived for half a year, three times a week IS intensive! And I only mean lessons... (not including the hours of practise at home =p)


Important announcement: I'm taking up BALLROOM for the 1st time in my life this holiday!!! (totally hyped-out....OMG.... *dancing crazily around the room* )

No more just chacha, rumba, samba & jive for me... now there's tango and waltz too!!! More to come I hope! Weeeeee!!!!!!! TANGO!!! Oh my, I had been wanting to dance that for soooooo soooo long!


Thanks to you Chin Yaw for being willing to be my partner!!! Yes, I have a partner!!! (Not permanant since he's leaving to NZ again soon...sob...) but still, God knows how much I appreciate it, you know! Considering that you ain't really into dancing & how a noob I am especially in ballroom! T.T


It tires me out pretty much, the amount of learning & even more, practice; and Ballroom proves to be hard, much harder than I thought... And especially when you have a new teacher who's a perfectionist till the very detailed. Si, I have a new teacher (and his partner too) to teach us Ballroom as Sifu doesn't have that much time to teach me both Latin and Ballroom... (not that much of energy too, considering that I am a pretty difficult student...nyek nyek...)


Anyway, this post is to be continued, as I'm uber tired now & gotta get some rest... (the time below is wrong, fyi... it's AM, not PM) So... ciao for now!

P/S: Details to come! A little insight, it'll be about 'some stories', theories & techniques, my new teacher, and my dear old Sifu!!! (How nice to see her again! I do miss her so...! What's more, she's still prettier than ever!)


Nitey-nitezzzzZZ,
Christine

One Voice

Been pretty long I hadn't read the news. And as I flipped through a copy of NST in the lounge today, it is still as depressing as newspapers used to be. How many happy faces could you count in the papers? Maybe none except those of the celebrities on the entertainment section...

Political squabbles still going on; along with backstabbing and verbal wars. People killing and people dying--- Man found mutilated... Police seek 6 men in rape case... Boy drowns, another missing... Pilgrimage centres turn into sex hubs... scandal-tainted chief detective replaced...


It's too distressing to continue reading anymore. It reminds me of a line out of Billy Gilman's song - "And mum won't watch the news at night, there is too much stuff that's making her cry..."

Sometimes I wonder what had become of the world now.
We are seriously in need of salvation, O merciful Lord... A thousand prayers, a million words, will this one voice be heard?


It's raining outside. And I wish you a safe journey home. I wish I could go home too. It's been so long since I went back, and seriously I miss home. Guess I need to take a break and go home, just to rest and refresh my mind. Take a break, from all the weariness of life here. From all that weighs me down for all this time. And again, there's really no place like home...

The day before, I went out to some shopping mall. While queuing up to buy food, I had the time to observe the people around me. There was this scene I just couldn't erase from my mind: A richly dressed couple and a young boy came out of a toy shop, the boy happily holding a plastic bag containing a large Transformer toy. Not far from them, there was another boy, maybe a year or two older than him, staring admiringly back and forth from the shop to the kid with the new toy, before his mother came and hurried him away. He obeyed in silence, strange enough for a longing kid in front of a shop full of tempting toys. Judging from the way they dressed, I guess they were not really well off. What that I could never forget was the look on the boy's face when he took a last glance back again, as he was dragged off. There was something in his eyes that struck me hard, the sad disappointment and helpless understanding.

It brought me back to when I was young, and there was this big expensive toy dog in a shop window, one that I had always wanted but my parents wouldn't afford to buy. And one day I went to a classmate's house, and she has an exact same one, sitting on her big big bed.


It was those times that you couldn't help feeling sad and frustrated with the life that you had.

Some kids have and some kids don't, and some of us are wondering why...


Over the years, while tasting the bitterness of poverty, I had learnt to get used to lots of circumstances of not having what other kids have. But as learning goes, it was not always that easy. There were times when my parents had to give me a good spank to stop me from demanding. And over the course of time, I learnt to keep my mouth shut, and all my feelings to myself. Now that I think of it, I wonder if it was a good way for a child to grow. But still, I'm not going to complain of who I am made into today. At least, those were some experience not other kids could have.

And this time around, I've got something that they don't.


What's more, I learnt to appreciate and give thanks for every little thing that I have in life, maybe much more than them. For every little thing, I see them as a great blessing from God.

And indeed, I'll feel blessed.

For One More Day

Changes; circumstances. And the latter just wasn't convincing enough to help me cope. So much that had happened over the past month, and frankly, I still hadn't got past it all. I wonder if everything would still be the same as this if I hadn't went home that faithful night? Sometimes life is so much about choices; and I made my choice. For what you said was true, the way things are heading, sometimes it's just best to let go. So long had I been hanging on, so long had I been giving everything, just not giving up. So long had this heart of mine been forced to break, over and over again... I was tired. But there was a greater reason, I know I musn't hold you back from your journey if you've decided to move on, and most importantly, to seek God again.


So I let you go. It sure hurts like hell, but in a way, I'm glad. I'm glad that you actually willed to renew your relationship with Him, though you'll be ending yours with mine. I'm glad from now on, you'll review your priorities; to place Him above me, and above all else. Yes, for this time, I could actually comprehend. No longer the dummy I was, I guess you are going to be proud of me this time. ^_^


At times, I still wonder if my choice was right. I wonder if you were right, saying that I'll be better off without this. You see, now that everything's over; I'm still as weary as ever, if not wearier. I still didn't feel any better, if not worse. I don't break anymore, I'm shattered.


Truth is, it's never easy. Especially for one like me who always suck at saying goodbye. No longer could I count the tears that I shed, no longer could I count the times I had to run to the toilet or hide myself somewhere and cry. So forgive me if I had to get up and run away at times, for the last thing I wanted is for you to see my tears again.

At times I really don't know how long it would take for the tears to dry.
At times I really think that this could actually kill me.
At times I really think that I would just die and live no more...

Yes, there are always times like these.

Why oh why would I always feel so helpless?
Helpless, bounded by the threads of sorrow.
Helpless, no longer able to control the tears from falling.
Helpless, just because I felt helpless...


Sometimes, I just don't know if I could ever really smile again. I can go running & hiking with my friends, I can enjoy a dance or two with my partner, I can laugh at lame jokes you made... At times like these, I though I could actually lighten up, and maybe move on with life; but yet, the truth is, I still couldn't. There's this large hole you left in my heart, which could never seem to heal completely. Not with staying late in the library where I won't feel confined and alone. Not with drowning myself in all the work I can find. Not with studying but actually not digesting anything. Not with laughing, and playing with my friends. Not with dancing or singing or running or playing pool...

Maybe I need more time. Maybe I need more prayers. Maybe I need God's strength to make me stronger.

Father, I pray you'll see me through, just as you always did.

Father, you're my only hope, all that's left for me now.

Father, please help me survive this, at least, for every one more day...?

Hear the pleas of your child in despair, dear Father.
And... Amen.

A Prayer for Strength and Acceptance

To you,

I wish I were like you, talent-fully playing your mesmerizing music, not the clumsy girl struggling with her footwork.

I wish I were like you, looked up upon with admiration, not the invisible, insignificant wallflower.

I wish I were like you, louder, voicing yourself to where people would listen.

I wish I were like you, steadier, just the phlegmatic person I'd so wanted to be.

I wish I were like you, smarter, so as to reason the way I couldn't.

I wish I were like you, stronger, so as to stand up to what you believe.

I wish I were like you, sharper, clear of all your directions and purposes.

I wish I were like you, braver, much more capable.

I wish I were like you, less dependent, more dependable...

Very often, I'd just wished to be better than what I am now.

You'd always tell me that you could deal with things perfectly well yourself. And yes, you normally always do. Sometimes, you seems just so fearless, like you're not scared of anything at all. The strong sense of secureness I find in you, is what so often made me so in awe.

You see, in many ways, I too, wished that I could make it on my own. But when things just never turn out right, when problems just couldn't cease to arise, I lose faith and sadly to admit, I start feeling frustrated of myself. To be frank, I was never contented with myself.

**************************

Dear Lord, I'm so so sorry. Forgive me for times like this when I hate myself so much, even when I know so well that I shouldn't. Forgive me for being so childish, so unappreciative, so foolishly adamant. After all I am your creation, O Lord; I am your child. And I know that you'll still love me just the way I am.

So Lord, at times like these, teach me not to complain of what you did not make me into, but instead, give thanks for what you made me into. Shine your light on me and in me dear Lord, widen my narrow perspective and capacity, show me that I can still work your glory with this mere self that I am.

In days to come, grant that I may seek not so much of everyone else's acceptance but yours, Father Lord. No, it's not that I will not change; yes, I shall learn to improve on where I am lack in. Just that this time around Lord, I will change for you and your favor; not into whatever stereotype that others willed me to be. I simply want to grow in your very own special mould for me, for I know that's what my best is to be.

Here is my thought, this is my plea, I just want to come to you now dear Lord, and surrender myself to you whole and whole. And I pray that you will bring the best out of me. That in all I am, and all I do, it will be glorifying to your name. Grant me strength, perseverance, directions, courage, and confidence; for every part of me which are in the dark, guide them to your shining path. I pray that in this newness of life, you'll open up my eyes and let me see just what I am capable of, Lord. Now and forever, make me your instrument to play your wonderful music.

Lord, sustain me by your mercy and grace, in your name I pray,

Amen.