Kay Kay Beeee!!!

Wasn't as bad as I expected. In fact, it was pretty FUN. Well, it wasn't perfect, wasn't wonderful; but then I would let them off and focus on the great things instead. *even the ridiculous scoldings we got every single day from nurse rita...? No!* =.=

Like the company maybe. Had a pretty good time with my roommates. 6 girls in a hostel room meant for 8 person. Not too crowded. We had real fun on the first night, playing a self created game which compromised of some drinking game + Truth or Dare... it was fun, really a wonderful ICEBREAKER!!! With lots of laughter, and a sore back (due to a limbo punishment in the end)... lolx... [Pity the guys who got our prank calls though...]

our room at the nursing hostel 

Hospital rotations were great too (apart from the constant presence of THE NOTORIOUS nurse rita) Seriously she is EVERYWHERE! (Even at the oddest hour, in the deepest heart of the Wad Bersalin where we were behind heavily-drawn curtains watching the nurses measure a dilation...) >.<
It was really a true-blue hospital setting, and it was kinda over-whelming for all of us at times. There were so many new things to be experienced and learnt, so many different cases, so many out-of-textbook cases we were yet to be exposed to... And many a time, we felt so small and humble by the fact that there are just so much medical knowledge that we don't know still.

So much I learnt, but the most significant, was to have more empathy to patients. It comes pretty naturally though, I would say. It was impossible not to empathize them when it comes down to really seeing them, talking to them, and getting their full history and all. (maybe a little TOO MUCH of empathy for our own good T__T)

And for the first time ever, I did really feel the desire to help them. It's not like in the past when people ask you, why do you want to be a doctor? You will tell them the standard answer, because I want to save lives and help people; whereas deep down you might not even mean what you were saying. This time around, my heart was the one saying that. And it was so unbelievable that it surprised me. I never was one who has the passion for being a doctor, saving lives and all, but now, maybe, just maybe... I had actually started to like this job a little? Maybe I'm learning. Maybe I'm changing. Whatever it is, I'm embracing it! ^__^

Initially I thought I was going to suffer there, but apparently I did not. Even the absence of internet (my drug) was bearable. Even the cold water baths at night I found refreshing. Even the unknown bugs flying around and biting me were forgiven. Even the dirty, hard bunk bed provided me with great nights of sleep. And the food there were NICE, I have to admit.

In fact, it awakened the carefree young village girl in me, one that was long forgotten and hidden among the layers of growing up. It was like I was transported back to the days when I was that little girl, living in that little village I was so fond of. To the life I had before I moved to Ipoh. Those childhood days where I never knew what was the internet, where I take cold water baths from wells, where I catch bugs and tadpoles, and run around barefooted, catching fishes in paddy field, watching stars and chasing the moon at night.
And I realized that even though I had long since moved on, I do miss those days sometimes... =(


Too much of nostalgic crap here, time to stop. =)

KKB, a nice learning experience, leaving me with much to ponder upon... 
Kinda helped me find myself again. 
I think sometimes we do need quiet isolation as such, so that we can finally get to listen to that little voice from deep inside our hearts...  

Dance Diary Part 10 --- My First Competition!!!

It was A.W.E.S.O.M.E. in capital letters! That was how I felt every single moment of it... ^___^

It was indescribable, unbelievable, almost a miracle. It was A DREAM COME TRUE! How wonderful. 

And still, now long after, my heart still flips in excitement when I think of it. Seriously.

Well, to say that I was not nervous at all, that'll be a lie. I had never been to a competition before, only exception was the KLDA one where I was working as a floor-runner. But even that time, I didn't really get to watch the dances because I had to arrange prizes and collect score-sheets ever so often. Hence, I had NO IDEA about many things. Even from the make-up & hair-styling, to how am I going to enter the dancefloor. And not-knowing did make me a little nervous. But I was blessed to have made many wonderful friends there, my 'danceworld family' as we all call it. They were lovely people, and I just have to thank them one by one for all their help and guidances throughout. Not only that, but also for all the fun we had together, and for making my Penang competition trip such a memorable one!!! Cheerio amigos! =)

And did I tell you? I met my beloved Sifu there! On that day as a judge, judging my category somemore. Ishh... somemore just at the moment I was off timing during Rumba semi-finals, my partner told me that she was practically STARING AT ME... OMIGOSH...!!! *cries*
Anyway, on the 1st night before the comp too I met her, at the lobby. And she was pretty as ever. Talked to her awhile, promised her to catch up with her when I am back in Ipoh, and gave her a big hug before saying goodbye. Truth is, I do miss her a lot. Glad that she seems fine! =)

1st day by the beach. Me and my roommates + Shi Teng who was staying with her family.

Me and Kathy

The abundant supply of food our whole room brought to Penang! =)

2nd day-- during competition day event... after our beginners' category was over

I seem to look tanned here, and I love it! =)

Cam-whoring in our room after the competition was over

All the pretty babes of Room 235 in sizzling hot latin costumes!!! ^______^

Here goes my acknowledgements: (lolx)

I would like to thank my wonderful roommates Kathy and Wai Ling for giving me a make-up tutorial the night before the competition. And also to Kathy for borrowing me her blue nail-polish.

I would like to thank Pui Yan for helping me with my lipstick and my hair.

I would like to thank Shi Teng for helping me apply my fake eyelashes and blusher.

I would like to thank Dana for borrowing me her brush.

Wouldn't have done it all without them. I'm a TOTAL NOOB at make-up and hair-styling. Argh... gotta learn next time!!!

And also,

I would like to thank Chloe Gan for the tips and advices for the competition.

I would like to thank Stephen for helping us take photos.  

I would like to thank Gary for providing us with food food and MORE FOOD!!! =)

And thanks to everyone else for the words of encouragement and the warm wishes!!! Love you all!!!

Not to forget my amazing instructors; Uncle William, Aunty Luisa, and Aunty Merle. Great teachers they are, taught us so much through this competition. Cherish their patience and passion. I'm just so sorry we didn't have more time to practice and be better than this, and that we must have dissapointed them... T__T 

I promise we'll work harder, and do better next time!!! 

Last but not least, ahem, my beloved dance partner, Cavin!!! (well, I am so not used to addressing him as beloved since we used to bicker most of the time, but then well yea, deep down, I do love him a lot! *as a friend lar, what you think?!! lolx...* ) Afterall, he is THE ONE WHO MADE MY DREAM COME TRUE!!! ^___^ For this reason alone, he deserves my wholehearted gratitude. He wouldn't know how much this means to me! =)

And this whole experience wouldn't have been complete without him. Brilliant guy he is. A way faster learner than me; I am amazed!!! There are so much for me that I could learn from him. I'm so blessed to have met him. Really.

Me and my partner Cavin

Nope, we didn't win. (mann, if we did, I would've slept hugging my medal for months!!! lolx...) We went through to semi -finals for Rumba (which made us really happy for we didn't expect to go any further than heats!) but for Samba we were out just after heats (from the feedback, it was due to lousy floor strategy, started too much to the corner, out timing in the beginning somemore... sorry!!!) 

Nevertheless, the entire experience itself was priceless. So many things I'd experienced throughout the competition. Everything was so new to me and my partner, that very often, we were amazed even by the smallest things; like young children exploring the world for the first time. It was indeed, an EYE-OPENER for both of us. And we enjoyed all of it, greedily and eagerly taking in every single detail, not wanting to miss even the slightest moment.

So many great dancers there were! And we can't help but to feel so lucky to be in Malaysia's biggest competition, to get to witness all of these. We watched, we cheered. For the young and for the old. For all were good. ^____^

After competition. Danceworld family photo!!!

Sadly as I do not own a camera, not many pictures were taken. But then again... every single scene and sight are already imprinted in my heart. =)

Dinner outing after competition

3rd day --- CRAZY FUN BY THE BEACH!!!
We played beach volleyball, raced each other, tried to throw each other into the water, buried PuiYan in sand, swam in the pool... it was a wonderful time! Great bonding too! =)

The danceworld hot babes hitting the beach!

Thank you, dear Father. For all these. I knew You had plans, and that You ALWAYS give me the BEST plans ever!!! Thank you, thank you so much dear Lord... You know how much this means for me. I couldn't thank you enough for all the blessings You've granted me. So I can only promise you dear Father, to try and do my very best to glorify your name. Now and forever, counting my blessings and giving you thanks... Amen, Father. I love you.   

Gotta get going, mountain-pile of notes are awaiting. EOS 3 is beckoning. I've got no time to waste if I still want to survive past sem 3. Sigh... reality, reality. I've come to learn, you always have to wake up eventually... T____T

Till the next year, 18th Penang Championships! *I do so hope I could make it there then!*

In the meantime, what is the pathogenesis of Adult Respiratory Distress Syndrome?

p/s: credits to Shi Teng, Pui Yan, Kathy, Seah & Yoong Ruey for the photos! =)

Dance Diary Part 9 --- The Day After Tomorrow =)

So it is. MY BIG DAY. And also for all the dancers out there; OUR BIG DAY. ^___^

17th Penang International Ballroom Dancing Championships 2010

I'm really looking forward to it. My FIRST EVER LATIN DANCE COMPETITION!!! Something I had been wishing for all this long. It had been hell of an experience for me, this past month. And I know, it's just gonna get better and better. =)

Never been dancing this much of latin since like... forever? And I just LOVE it. Over the past week, we had intensive practices (or "Drillings" as they call it) every single day, right from 2pm to 11pm. And it's all serious no-play-play matter. Drillings as the name goes, are indeed drillings. We sweat out, work out to the max. But it was fun. Real fun. And I learnt a lot throughout. Private lessons before that were wonderful too. Taught me so many things that I had never known before. And made me realize there is just soooo soooo much more to go... It just motivates me and pushes me to yearn for more knowledge, and to improve myself more and more, one step at a time!!! I shall surely work hard (if time allows me T___T) !!! =)

Made many new friends too; most were younger, some were my age or older. They are really nice and friendly people. Made me feel so at home, even when I am so new to the studio. We share, we care, and we help each other out. We talk, we joke, we have fun together... as Aunty Merle said, we are FAMILY. And yeah, I am glad. This was what I had always looked for, someplace I could BELONG. Somewhere I could feel at HOME. ^_____^

Okie, now I realized I sound a little corny... ahahaha... ahem ahem...

Anyway, I'm packing my luggage now. Not really sure what to pack, because it's all so new and unknown to me, I don't even know what to do, what to expect, hence, what to prepare. Nor do I have any idea on how to makeup or how to do my hair. I hope someone would help me then!!! >.<

Guess I just gotta bring what my intuition tells me to bring then! And pray that it'll be sufficient enough to last me through... ^__^ I guess most importantly I should not forget to bring my costume and dance shoes!!! (if forget these then JIALAT lar... >.<)

Gotta resume my packing, and try to get some sleep after that. Penang, here I come! Weeeee!!! =)

Pain is gain?

Okie. I'm back in my bloggie after so friggin' long. My Plurk karma already dropped to zero... >.< Sorry bloggie for leaving you deserted for this long. Haven't been free to drop by. Forgive me.

Even now, unfinished work are pilling up on me. Summatives are over, but still... long way to go. Notes to arrange, clothes to wash, a competition to train for, dance club activities to plan and organize, CSU practices, a contemporary routine to learn, problems to solve... and the MAJOR 'POTONG STIM' --- EOS 3 in January!!! 

Work work work. Imma not let myself slack.

No time to lick my wounds. No time to nurse this broken heart. No time even to feel the pain.


I guess I just had to, had to do things... differently now. I had to make my heart harder, colder, stronger.
A strong woman I shall be. ^___^

It really isn't that hard now that I am used to it. And well, I have my dance. And dance could always make me feel better at the end of the day. Like it cheers me up, refreshes me... Don't ask me how though. I don't really know. =)

It's 9pm. Gotta go. Dance training starting soon. Gotta get myself ready. (ouch, my feet hurts from all that dancing! But no pain, no gain?) I promise I will be back here at least once more before leaving for Penang. Maybe if I have time, to catch up with what I had missed out all this while. ^___^ Ciao?

Signing off...

THE girl, I bet she's beautiful...

yesterday... once more? ):

They can take the future that we'll never know

They can take the places that we said we will go

All the broken dreams take everything

Just take it away but they can never have yesterday

omigosh omigosh... I couldn't get that off my mind. FML

Your eyes. Your eyes at that very moment.

Why avoid my gaze? Why look the other way?

Your voice. Your voice when you said those words.

I could hear the crack. I could feel the pain.

And all I could do was to STONE.


Is that the best you can do, gal?!! F*** you noob, you noob!
Should've touched your hand... Should've given you a hug... Should've at least said something...


Damn! I can't forgive myself! T___________T

......................

......................

......................

Well, no point regretting, what's done is done. What's not done is... not done. At least you were fine after that. (Or so I think =.=)


I know I could be stubborn at times. A little noisy and annoying, maybe. Pretty childish-ly mischievous, even.


Yes, the way I jumped around all the time, and asked too many questions.
Yes, the way I keep pestering you to allow me to tag along.
Yes, the way I stuck my tongue out at you when you didn't let me stay on.


But I love you.

When we had so much in store

Tell me what is it I'm reaching for

When we're through building memories

I'll hold yesterday in my heart

Yes, I will hold you close to my heart, forever.
Promise.

I know I'll see you again, I'm sure

No, it's not selfish to ask for more

One more night, one more day

One more smile on your face

But they can't take yesterday

Will I see your smile again? ):
For the nth time in my life, I hope that yesterday never did end...




gal, you ask for too much sometimes... Grow up! Move on! *slaps myself*

********************

Me gonna miss you... *sobs sniff sniff breaksdown*

As ever...

Heart beating, broken, shattered?
I'm still pacing, running, chasing.

Trying, trying hard to walk away

But always ended up here again,

I need to look away,

But looking from this distance again,

Couldn't get nearer; couldn't leave either,

I'm lost in this masquerade.

Stop breathing,
Cuz every breath I take is you;
Stop looking,
Cuz every sight I see is you;
Stop dancing,
Cuz every dance comes from you;
Stop singing,
Cuz every song I sing is your name.

Don't wanna look into your eyes,

For I know I'll never be able to look away.

If you ever know,

You're the reason I'm still here pacing,

Why I knew the darkness of the corridors at ten,

Why I knew the quietness of the streets at two.

是这一种距离，
那隔着玻璃的静寂……
难受，真的很难受……

I already gave you my heart, what more do you want from me?

This night is long.
And you never picked up the phone.
Wonder if you would ever care to get back to me?

But as ever, I'll be waiting.

Don't leave me out here dancin' alone...

One Of The Angels...

I had tried to stop myself from doing this; but gosh, I HAD TO tell you guys about my current flame!!!

*drum rolls*
*hysteric dance*
..........
.......................
..............................
.....................................
.............................................

It's none other than... OUR GIRL, DREW BARRYMORE!!!

Say hi, angel!!!





















Had been spending my whole holidays drooling over her catching up with all of her movies. Simply awesome FTW. Drew is somewhat queen of chick flicks, and I LURVE chick flicks!!!

Chick flick recommendations: 50 First Dates, Music and Lyrics, Ever After and Never Been Kissed



"Charlie's Angels" a MUST WATCH, totally kicks ass!!! And "Poison Ivy" is my favourite Drew Barrymore movie. She was eighteen then; soooo drool-able, sizzling hot, smoldering sexy with her so-kissable pink lips, bare slim waist, extremely low-cut top, clad in tight short skirt displaying her long flawless legs... Seriously seductive.



I'll go Bi for her. Anytime. =P (You too J.Lo, no worries, I hadn't forgotten you)


"Do I like women sexually? Yeah, I do. Totally. I have always considered myself bisexual. I love a woman's body. I think a woman and a woman together are beautiful, just as a man and a woman together are beautiful. Being with a woman is like exploring your own body, but through someone else. When I was younger I used to go with lots of women. Totally - I love it." ~~~ Drew Barrymore


LOLOLOLOLX.... Apparently Drew had the same thoughts... *wink*




















Could you imagine how a fine woman she grew up to be?
And she was oh-so-adorable in ET, when she was just 7 years old.
Another amazing thing is that, now at 36, her looks haven't really changed!!!


"You find yourself talking to friends about work and your life, and you wonder if it is all going to be OK - 'Is this going to work out, what is going to happen?' Now, I don't feel as if I know it's going to be OK, but I don't feel it is going to kill me. I've got a good perspective on life now. It's like, 'We are going to get through this."

"It's the best time of my life - it's not traumatic at all. I don't think I've ever been happier. It's like the older I get, the better I get. Gravity and wrinkles are fine with me. They're a small price to pay for the new wisdom inside my head and my heart."

She's even happy about ageing. *salud*


Plus, what I love about her, is her optimism. She has this perspective about life that is so beautiful, and... strong. I can't really find an appropriate description for her personality, but I could just say that it captivates me. The way she carries herself, it was so grounded. Thing is, she never tried to act flawless, instead she dared to be imperfect (especially the mess her life was in when she was much younger), to take risks, and to dream. Interesting.



"There's something liberating about not pretending. Dare to embarrass yourself. Risk." ~~~ Drew Barrymore

"I'm happy and I think happiness is what makes you pretty. Happy people are beautiful. They become like a mirror and they reflect that happiness." ~~~ Drew Barrymore

Absolutely love her many quotes.
My wifey rocks!!! ^__^

Aww, I'm in love, again, with another woman. Not good. =.=
...................
...................
Who cares? =P

Time to go!!! I'll leave you with ---

I just can't get enough of you, Drew...

Hurt

4th August 2010

It's a month into Sem 3. CVS is officially over. Moving on to Respi next week... Workload is suffocating. Such a wonder to think what merely a month could do to you! And it's even wonderful to think that Sem 3 would last for 7 months at least?!

It builds you or destroys you. Saves you or kills you.

Sem 3, don't kill me, please. I still have many unfinished wills. Have mercy, I beg thou.


It's an hour past midnight now. Today was downright tiring, but I still ain't sleeping. Lecture notes to catch up with. AIR topic untouched yet with deadline looming ahead.


Samba class today was nice. While it made me realize just how much I miss dancing, it made me realize too just how much I SUCK AT MY DANCE. My Samba was lousy, I know. By the way William laughs at me, I just knew that I'm merely a dissapointment to my Sifu.

Sifu, Sifu... It had only been a month, actually. But it sure felt like decades that I havent seen her already.

I miss her. I really do.
If only she knew.

And yet again, she was so far from me. So... distant, to put it in a better way. And no, it's not the problem with how many kilometers we are apart.

At times, I would wonder; if there were this one moment, that she truly loved me at all? Sometimes reminiscing the past, I thought there really were moments as such. The times she touched my hands, the times she looked into my eyes, the times she ran her hands over my hair... and even recently during her anniversary dinner, when she called me over to her side, wrapped her arm around my waist, and demanded the photographer to take a picture of us together...

It was times like those, when I would feel that she truly loved me as a student of hers, and not think of me as a passerby who comes and goes. Truth is, my heart was always there...


It broke my heart, the day Ah Nee Aunty said that I wasn't considered a student of my Sifu. Ouch. How much it hurts, to have the only teacher that you've known and loved telling you right in your face, that she had never considered you as her student.

But in this case, Sifu wasn't there, so I didn't know if that was what Sifu thought of me all this while, or was it merely Ah Nee Aunty's perception? I really really wanted to know what my Sifu truly thinks about me.


You see, nowadays, I just didn't dare to be so sure about anything anymore.

And it breaks my heart to think that love was merely my own perception, and that she never really did give a damn about me.


I wonder if I had ever hurt her in any way. I'm pretty sure I didn't.

But before I did even hurt her, she hurt me first.

She hurt me, by being so skeptical, expecting me to leave even when I am not going to. By doubting me, building walls to keep me away when all I ever did was loving her and trying hard to protect her feelings.


I didn't cry when I was seven and had my eye operation.

I didn't cry when I was ten and had a piece of my flesh cut out by the doctor to perform a skin test.

I didn't cry when I was fifteen and menstrual pain sent me rolling in my bed.

I didn't cry when I was nineteen and a metal rod was pierced right through my flesh and came out the other end.

But I cried the night after I heard what Ah Nee Aunty said.

I cried the first 3 times Sifu didn't pick up my call.

I cried merely at the thought of her dis-owning me, perhaps?

Call me a cry-baby. I cry, because I care. Cared so much.
Cared TOO MUCH, perhaps...


Will be going back this Thursday. I would so wish to see her.
Just to see how she was doing. Visit and talk, maybe yum cha? ^_^
The last time I managed to call her, she was sick. And I was worried. That was about 3 weeks ago? Should have recovered by now. Guess I'd better check on her.

Most of all, check to see if she is happy. With life, with everything. Just wanna make sure that no one, or nothing hurts her further. As long as she is happy, I'll be happy for her too.

Ohhh, and to tell her I love her! I guess everyone would be happy to be loved, right? ^___^

My own questions, maybe I could leave it till later? Or maybe I just wouldn't want to spoil her day. I had contemplated for so long, but everytime I see her, I could never bear to ask. Instead, I try my best to always cheer her up, because seeing her happy smile makes everything wothwhile I guess.

Because she is awesome.

She was and forever will be, my beloved Sifu;

the one who taught me everything I know now,

the one who believed in me even when the whole world didn't,

the one who fetched me to her studio when my parents refused to send me,

the one who made me laugh, made me cry, and made me grow along the way...

You were so right, I'm really a dummy, am I not? ^___^

But I'm happy enough as it is. That's all that matters I guess!

Happenings?

Life had never been so happening before. Seriously this post will look like a thesis if I were to write about all these stuff I had over the past months...

I didn't know that being a sem 2 medical student in IMU is THAT busy. I didn't know that the workload could be so suffocating. I didn't know that time could pass so fast. I didn't know that exams could be so stressful it can drive you nuts...

Thank God I am still pretty sane after all that turmoil of EOS 2.


I'll forever remember the desperate measures we came up with, to memorize the never-ending list of viruses, pharmaco, antimicrobials...
EBV (en en's disease =p) with infectious mononucleosis, JC & bak-ku-teh, the fierce mother story of Picornaviridae...
Terfenadine, Loratadine... Trimetaphan, Hexamethonium...
4 generations of Cephalosporin's story...
My self-created Ovulation Phase Contemporary Dance...
And not to forget the most well-known JOINT DANCE... (credits to Pak) =p =p =p


I'll remember the late night studying in Sg.Besi McD. Drinking coke for the caffeine and sugar rush to keep ourselves awake up till 5am.
I'll remember the 4 consecutive days of eating nasi goreng kampung.Ill remember the days of unkempt hair, dark eye circles, the forever tired look, and holding notes wherever we go.


Oh, and had I told you yet, I changed church? Frm ACTS to New Life Restoration Centre. Felt much more at home there...


There were pretty much happenings in my dance life too, at least, more than I expected. And srsly, I'm really thankful to God for all these wonderful opportunities given to me. And also for all the nice friendly people I got to know along the way.


KLDA is a pretty nice place, I've come to know. The people there were friendly, and I adore the big open spaces and smooth polish floor. Got to attend a ballroom dance workshop, learnt some little detailed tips and insights of Waltz and Tango. But with what little that I knew, I am still very very far behind in Ballroom. Guess imma focus on my Latin first. ^_^






The best still, was working as volunteer at the KLDA Rising Star Competition. I was assigned as floor runner (the one who runs around collecting score sheets from judges after every dance) and also to help out with the prizes onstage (literally meaning arranging and giving out prizes to presenters). It was a wonderful experience all in all, it was my first time watching a live competition, and to be involved in the organising team, even though a small role it might be, it was more than I had asked for. *And I got appreciation flowers!* Awesome eye-opener for me.. O.O (thanks a zillion, Kevin, for giving me the chance!!!)


What's more, I was elected IMU Dance Club President!!! Okie, you guys might think what's the big deal about it, but to me, it means a lot. A pretty 'dead' club it might be now, but I still LOVE it. Dance is like the only getaway for me from all the madness of my uni life, like a sip of iced-tea on a hot summer's day...=p Frankly, I've never been any president for anything before, so yea, a challenge it is. But challenge shall I stand up to. To try my best to raise a 'dead' club back to life, to introduce, and to spread the love towards this wonderful form of Art among all of IMU community. To spread the gospel of dance... gosh, I sound like some minister here. But then again... yay!!! And I'm glad to have a bunch of real awesome committee to back me up, together we can do this!!!



TO kick off, we had already arranged a couple of dance classes in IMU, hip hop and latin... hopefully more to come! And the classes were great. I joined both classes, and had lots and lots of fun with my friends there. Although I SUCK BIG TIME in Hip-Hop, the nights we spent sweating through our routines and laughing at each other's funniness totally ROCKS. And the late night drinks at the roadside mamak!!! ^_^


Latin wasn't a breeze either, in fact, it kicks ass! For one, it was Salsa, which I had totally NO IDEA how was that dance like. And the instructor was Mr. William, my sifu's sifu!!! Which is scareee!!!! Which means my sifu will know, what a DISGRACE I am. T__T


And as I expected, Mr William did tell her about me. They refused to tell me the contents, but I figured out it might not be anything good? And trust me, you wouldn't want to know how badly Sifu teased me when I got back to her. She's really ADORABLE. =P

And oh, she said she'll train me for medalist test, if I want. I had always though she never had plans for me, but she did. Maybe, after all these years, I had finally become more and more a student of hers?
Maybe, maybe. ^_^


In the meantime, I gotta enjoy my holidays to the VERY FULLEST!!! Imma getting my private lesson next Wednesday! *excited*
And studio's anniversary dinner is coming soon! *looking forward*

Life is just so wonderful when there is dance... ^_^

Changes

And again, changes.

Had been months since I was back in Ipoh.
I could barely recognize this place I call home, as my bus exited the Simpang Pulai toll. Took me awhile to figure out that the bus was indeed heading towards Medan Gopeng, given the new buildings all along the road that was once just trees or wooden houses.

So many changes, over just a few months! There is this new corporate park. And there are new city decor. There are more cars. There is more unfamiliarity.
Whoa, guess I really had been away for quite a while.


It isn't really time to blog now, for my End Of Semester exam is just round the corner. These days I had to constantly remind myself that this isn't holidays yet, just a study break.
That I would have to leave home yet again, about a week later, to face the dreaded exam.
That I still have loads to study, and so little time left.
That if I wanted my real holidays, I shouldn't sit back at all for this study break.


I miss home, I miss my family, I miss Ipoh food, I miss dancing, I miss sifu, I miss my guitar, I miss driving, I miss just every sight and smell here.

But this isn't time to enjoy them, just yet. T.T


And again, anatomy of the heart. I realized just how much I had forgotten. And to think that it was only months ago when I had learnt them all by heart. Afterall, how could someone not know their heart by heart?

Gotta work harder, gal. You are lagging behind.

There are so much work to cope with, it makes me tired, and makes me sick ever so often. Indeed, ever since I had been to IMU, I ALWAYS fell sick.

Mom has been worried. And I feel bad for making her worry about me all the time. Why couldn't I be like the others? Why couldn't I live life like a med school student, and still stay healthy as everyone else do? And I never even stayed up as late as the others, never even starved myself.
But still I fall sick more often then everyone else.

Life isn't fair, I've learnt to know.


I need to pass EOS. Have to. For myself, for my parents.

Even when my mum told me it's ok if I do fail, she'll let me learn dancing, and be a FULL-TIME DANCER like my Sifu... I WOULDN'T let that happen.

I really don't want to dissapoint my parents.


Father Lord, I pray that you'll help me through. I'm asking for a grace that I do not deserve, but dear Father, I will work hard. I will do my best, Father. Most of all Father, please bless me with a healthy body and mind. Pray that I will have the strength and wisdom that come from you, Father. To face these challenges of this exam, and not be afraid, nor be weary. For deep in my heart I know, that you'll be with me, every step that I take. I love you, Father.
Amen.

Now... back to nerding...
15 more days to EOS... T.T

Dance Diary Part 8 - Of Passion and Priorities

The whole week passed by in fury, in hurry. Performed my contemp dance not once, but twice on the same week. Once on Monday, and once yesterday. And also the fan dance.


Lots of last minute information and changes; atrium floor not available for our 2nd contemp performance, and we had to make do with the stage which is less than half the size of the floor, while risking throwing ourselves down the stage every leap we made. And our fan dance too, had to be performed on an outdoor make-shift carpeted stage that was wobbly and had gaps we might accidently stick our toes in, with a weakly-supported windshield that almost fell onto us when the wind blew from behind during one of our last-minute practice session. Good thing we crawled and ran away in time before the whole thing came crashing onto the ground we had been just a few seconds earlier.


We braced through everything, though surely, with flaws and a little something here and there, but still with multitude of praises and gratitude along the way. However this was when I thought, that's enough for now. I've had enough of dance performances for now. I needed rest. Badly needed a rest. My body hurt like hell, it felt as though I was ran over by a truck ten times. There were bruises all over my legs, shoulders and backside, and my wrist hurt cuz I used it all the time to absorb the momentum of my fall when I slammed myself onto the ground. My toes were peeled and scratched from all that pointing and pirouetting on barefoot...


Yes indeed, it was fun, learning new dances, facing up to new challenges. But I'm tired. Not that I don't enjoy dancing anymore, but I have to be rational. There is always a limit to everything, I had learnt. Much as I wanted to take every single opportunity I get to do whatever I love, there are other duties of mine that I couldn't neglect.
No, I don't mind the pain, I could stand way worse.
No I don't mind the challenge, it helped me learn even more.


It was the consequences that distresses me.
Like neglecting my studies. Like my deteriorating health...


There are some things that come before passion, and those, are called priorities.
I've learnt.


I'm a first year medical student.
not a dancer, not a performer, not a charity worker...
And I should know my priorities...



So long for now, imma gonna take a break from all these for the timebeing. Till I set everything right again. Don't worry, I'm not gonna stop or give up on dancing. Never. I'm just resting and regenerating, for the long journey ahead.. *winks* (Indeed, my dance journey's gonna be a real long, slow-progressing one. You'll gonna have the patience if you wanna walk with me...! =p)

Neways, I'll leave you with...

Memories! It was really nice dancing with you all... ^_^

Till the next time we meet again...

Dance Diary Part 7 - Of Bruises and New Challenges

Contemporary. Not something I had ever dreamt of doing.


But due to unforseen circumstances, I am struggling on a contemporary piece with nada basics at all to start with, and with a deadline looming just a week ahead. Merely a week to get a genre that is totally strange to me presentable for performance, omg, I FEEL the pressure the dancers experienced in SYTYCD. But if this is SYTYCD, I confirm GG dy.


One main lesson learnt about contemp --- You gotta immerse yourself into the dance.
Feel the music, move with the flow, express the feelings and tell the story with your body. For contemp, YOU DANCE WITH YOUR ENTIRE BODY. Forget about body isolation.
Certainly a new challenge for me, as one who is so used to being in the restricted frame of latin ballroom dance.


Worst still, we gotta practically 'throw' ourselves all over the dancefloor. Dear me, the bruises. Imagine jumping up high in the air, spin the other way, and land with your backside on the hard floor. Imagine running and throwing yourself face-down onto the floor, and then have another person land on top of you. Imagine 'crawling' on the floor with your hands. And there are the triple pirouettes. Omg, pirouettes. One thing I had never done before in my life, nor had I imagined myself doing... to be learnt in a week's time. Not a single pirouette, but a triple pirouette complete with another normal spin and finishing it off by dropping down onto the ground. Oh my my my... T.T


The whole process spelt H-A-R-D-S-H-I-P. And to top it off, it clashed with MEDTCH110 orientation, where I was supposed to be Orientation Officer for Group 9. And there was this special CNY function for IMU staff and lecturers, in which we were again, asked to perform our fan dance. Never knew that dance could be so in demand! And so, practically, I was up and about most of the time; practising my contemp, practising fan dance, running about with the juniors, having late night supper with my group... Tiring, and at times, I just wish to get some rest for my weary body and mind...

Signing off to bed.

ZZZzzzzzzz....

CNY @ Home

CNY is going to end soon. And I seriously don't wish it to. For one main reason, you'll be gone after CNY. Back to where you were supposed to be, to get on with a life you were supposed to live.

But you know what? We were supposed to be together too. Supposed to be by each other's side...

But why do we have to end up like this?

Visited my Sifu during the forth day of CNY, just as I did last CNY. Time flies yea? It seems like just yesterday that I was there, playing with her little doggie and chatting away, and now again I am there, and a year had already passed.

And yes I noticed, we both grew. Not so much physically, but mentally. A year could really change a lot of things. And it was indeed a rough year for both of us, which I came to know as we shared stories. For more than 3 hours we talked on, about stories of life, of love, and most of all, dance. There was a lot of emo talk when it came to dance politics and some certain people.

For one, Sifu told me about more betrayals and unappreciative students. People who left, people who were greedy, people who betrayed trusts, people who take advantages of empathy and kindness, people who did not know how to appreciate good deed done for them... And throughout the conversation, I realized that Sifu had became a much much stronger woman than before. I remember when I first met her more than two years ago, she was this innocent, carefree, bubbly, cute personality that loves to help and give selflessly, always thinking of others more than herself, happy and contented, living life like a little princess in her very own fairy tale.

I guess that was then. Before she was forced to face the ugliness of the world, before she had to learn that life was never a fairy tale and people who are too good are usually the ones who got hurt the most. In a way, I'm glad she learnt. I'm glad she changed, hardened her heart, so as to protect herself from getting hurt over and over again. Glad that she finally realized, and that in future, hopefully she would not be scarred as she was before. For I love her, and wish her to be happy. But then again, I'm also furious, furious at the people and the world, for forcing her into this change.

You see, if not for them, she wouldn't have had to change at all.
And I do miss her old self, loads.

But at least, she forgave. She did not lock herself up in the prison of an unforgiving heart. Instead, she learnt, and moved on. For that, I'm really proud of her. ^_^


Guess I gotta buck up and move on too. CNY is ending, uni is starting. You are leaving, life without you is starting. Dance is reducing, schoolwork is increasing.
There's always a wonderful balance in this world isn't it? For everything lost, there are things replacing. For every end, there is a beginning.

And hopefully, for the better.
Yupz, together, let us hope for the better!!!

Dance Diary Part 6 - Of Shaky Hands and Broken Fans

It's CNY and I'm back in Ipoh. The past week was a blur of colours; lectures, performances, celebrations... all these flew by so fast I couldn't even keep track of them. A very happening week, I would say. A tightly-packed schedule, a three-day-long CNY celebration, two dance performances, a birthday celebration, and a journey HOME!!! ^_^

I'll leave CNY happenings for later, as this is a dance diary, and I should focus more on ahem... dance. So the week started with lots and lots of practise, and late dinners. By about 9pm on Tuesday night when we were still training Latin, I was already very much exhausted. It wasn't easy to juggle two dances at one time, both so demanding in different aspects. For Latin I need to have high flexibility, speed and sharpness. For fan dance, I need to have good control of the fan, strength and musicality...


What's more, our Latin Dance performance was on Wednesday, and by Tuesday still, we were tired and aching, having difficulties executing stunts, as well as keeping up with the timing. My spins were wobbly, and our dance lacked energy. And frankly, I was pretty worried about not being able to be in top form to bring our best performance the next day. And the last thing I wanted to do, is to dissapoint my Sifu with such lousy performance. It was my first official Latin Dance performance, and I really wanted it to be good. I wanted to see where it would bring me, all that Sifu had taught me for the past months I had been learning from her. Most of all, I wanted to dance better than I was...


Wednesday came feeling a little more refreshed and energized. It was much better, the practise we had before our lecture. Things were getting right, and though still nervous as hell, I was feeling lighter. I danced with my new shoes, as the old pair was already pretty loose and wobbly. I didn't want to think that, but it might be high time my old pair of dance shoes are to retire. It was my first pair of dance shoes and I do treasure it a lot. It sure saddens me to think that I might not be able to dance in it anymore... T.T

Had to wear my Latin costume to lecture, beneath a jacket, due to lack of time to change after lecture. And when the time of performance came at about 1.30pm, we were already all dressed and waiting by the atrium with a large crowd circling the perimeter of the atrium from all floors. It was a little nerve-wrecking, the sight of it. There were even many friends of ours who purposely skipped the beginning of their lecture, just to stay back to watch us. For that, I am really really grateful.




















Was the performance well? Yeah. Was it good? Not really. But we did give in 100% of what our weary bodies could manage. I think the audience had a good time watching. But as dancers, we knew it wasn't a great performance. There were times our timing was a little off, there were times we weren't sharp enough, there were times our balance wasn't well, and there was an air of nervousness throughout. Wei Jin told me his hands were shaking throughout, and I think mine were too. The audience might not notice all of these, but it wouldn't escape the eyes of professionals. If my Sifu was here, I wonder what would she say.



Sorry Sifu, I still ain't nowhere near soaring yet. I wish you won't be dissapointed with me.

I had been your student for nearly two years; but I had only been learning for about 6 months. I don't know if other 6-month-old dancers were the same level as me, but I so hope I ain't the worst.


You see, as I said, I am never a talented dancer, just a passionate dancer. I wonder if the love could bring me far...?


Neways, we didn't get to rest. Not that soon. There was still Fan Dance to go on Thursday. Practice was gruelling, and throughout the night of practice, several fans were broken, due to over-using of strength while opening and closing our fans. That was the difficult thing about fan dance, we need strength to create the dramatic effect with our fan, but the strength had to be well controlled to not end up in a fan-breaking disaster. Our ciplak RM7.90 cloth fan isn't really that durable, to be honest.


And soon enough, Thursday came and went. And thankfully, I get to have some rest after such a hectic week. We didn't do really well in our Fan Dance though we did have a great time. If I could describe our dance in one word, it'll be... hilarious!!! Thanks to En En, and you'll know why. Actually for such a difficult genre done in such a short time, and consisting of so many people who aren't professionals, there ain't much to expect from. The synchronisation wasn't good, the energy level was lacking, the moves weren't expressive, some fan broke, some people forgot steps, some people halted midway in their dance to pick up money from the floor (that's En En)!!! We had a good laugh over everything after our performance, so it was an enjoyable experience all in all. ^_^

























P/S: Looking forward to visiting my Sifu a few days later!!!
And spending the New Year with you... =p

Btw, HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!!

Day 95 - Dance Diary Part 5 - Of Patience and Confidence

I thought my dance diary had to be temporary frozen when I am back to IMU, but strangely enough for this time, it's still hot and happening! *Yay!!!* =p

And seriously the amount of dancing didn't get any lesser when I am back here, instead, it increased... A LOT. Over the past week I had been here in IMU, there was not a day which I didn't dance. And for the past Friday and Saturday, I had been dancing for at least 5 hours per day! Firstly, we had to practice our Cha Cha routine to perform next Wednesday for the CNY Celebration Week. But mostly were to practise our Chinese Fan Dance routine which was pretty difficult, thanks to Wei Jin who found this routine which initially was danced by some China Dance Company/Dance School thingy... So you can imagine how good they are, and how hard it is to execute the routine the way they did. And that being said, if I were to ever be able to dance so well, I won't be in IMU in the first place, I'll be happily earning my dance degree in some prestigious Art School, rather than reserching on Streptococcus sp. for my annoying PBL tomorrow...


The problems didn't end here; we couldn't find a good fan. Initially we bought a ciplak furry red plastic fan, which furs fall off after only one day of practice. The incredible Wei Jin even tore his fan into strips of sticks. So much for our RM5.90 furry fan. We had to buy new ones in Petaling Street, this time, a red-cloth-wooden-handle fan. This fan is bigger, but harder to control too. Especially for a left-handed person like me. *Sigh*




So that spells MORE MORE MORE TRAINING!!!


You see, as much as I love dancing, I was never a talented dancer. Dance doesn't come easy to me. For one, I never really knew how to use my body. I wonder why I wasn't like other girls when I was young, curious about doing cartwheels, bridges and splits... Seriously when I was young, I never even did anything as much as shaking my hips before. Maybe because of my shy personality, I never dared to. And now I pretty much regretted it, having to train my stiff bones and body to do all those splits and spins and moves they had never explored before. It amazes me how much human body can actually do, each time I see a new move or style. Though much as I wanted to achieve them all, there were still limits to my ability. Born with MVP and hence being generally weak, also made things harder for me, as long hours of dancing drains me fast.


But just so you know, a slow learner as I am, I do still presevere in learning what I really wanted to learn. Different types of dances, different types of moves. It might take me long, it might distress me at times, but for the love of it, I never gave up. Do forgive me for the times I lagged behind, for the times I couldn't comprehend the mechanisms of each move, for the times I lost my confidence and wavered in my steps. Give me time, and slowly I'll improve.


However, I understand not every teacher out there could be that patient. For this, I really would like to thank my Sifu, for all the patience she had for me, for all her encouragements and efforts to lift me up even when I was slow and unsteady. She never extinguishes my confidence. Don't get me wrong, she does critic me a lot, maybe just the way she presented it. And I am really grateful. You see, new, shy and afraid as I was when I first took up Latin dance, I suppose if she wasn't tactful enough, I might have just thought of myself as a total failure and never dared to dance again. It is all because of her that I grew from a super shy girl to who I am today, braver, more confidence, more motivated.


When my parents thought I was only wasting my time, when my friends doubted me... my Sifu was the only one who was there to support me, through the difficult, low self-esteem phase. Even now, there are people who still doubted me, there are people who still looks down on me; for times as such, I couldn't say that it does not affect me; truth is, it hurts a lot, and it does bring me down.

Sifu's the one who lifted me up again, forever like a confidence booster to me. She might not be the most skilled teacher in the world, but to me, she's the best. Always my inspiration. Without her, I wouldn't have made it this far.


And now, I'm missing her a lot. *sob*

Cha Cha performance next Wednesday! Even when I'm tired, I shall train well.
Gotta make Sifu proud. ^_^




















Praying hard,
Christine