The Samba

Had a bad dream yesterday. Woke up shivering from fear, tears flowing down my cheeks. Was still kinda shaken from it. Been so long I haven't had a bad dream. But then again, I never wanted to have bad dreams... and surely not dreams like these.


Whew, but I felt better after practising my dance today. Dancing always helps me to forget all my unhappy feelings, it helps clear my mind; it somehow gives me strength and happiness. I really do love dancing, with all my heart.
So now, I should really gear myself up a little to face the big day. Lolx...


So I forced myself to focus more on the Samba today. It's quite hard for me, cuz I'd never really learnt much of it, unlike the Cha Cha or the Rhumba which I am more familiar with. So for the whole 2 hours, I replayed my favourite Samba song "Que El Ritmo No Pare" by Patricia Manterola and danced to it. It is an excellente song with a nice Samba beat to it... 1 uh 2, 3 uh 4, 5 uh 6, 7 uh 8. 3 steps formed to 2 beats.
And it left me so exhausted (but still, happy) at the end
of the day. ^_^




The Samba is a Brazilian dance, which is normally a carnival dance. It is a dance that is supposed to excite people and to bring people into a trance. (Not that I could do that though) The dancer has to try for a flirting, exaggeratedly happy interpretation in this dance. And Samba is mostly expressed with hip movements. Swift, exaggerated hip movements. It's somewhat a bit similar to belly dance.


I guess I need more time and loads more practise to execute the personality of the dance well. Wish me luck.

If Only I Could

The Big Day ----- 30 NOVEMBER 2008 (SUNDAY) is coming!!! The much anticipated one, but much dreaded as well...



Why? It's not just another dance lesson, this time I'm not learning alone, it's with all the other gals for the Ladies Event!!! All younger than me, but all seniors of mine. So I'm the most novice among them... argh... and Sifu asked me not to fret?! How could I not fret when they had already learnt the Samba for the past month and I only have an hour of lesson to catch up with their progress?!



And I'm supposed to do the men's steps. Swt... I woulda prefer to dance the ladies' steps, I've been doing it all through my solos so it's easier for me to get the hang of it, but this was what Sifu told me :" 鬼叫你生得这么高meh？！不似我一样“娇小玲珑”。一定是跳男步的啦！哈哈……"



....................... *speechless*



It's the first time I feel kinda sad that I am err... tall. But then again, I'm not really THAT tall, am I? I'm just around 165cm... (Hey, and I was always wishing to grow taller, at least 170cm.) Okay, but I admit that the last time I joined the group of dancers at the studio, I do look like a hovering giant among the other gals (even guys) when I am in heels, which added 3 inches to my height.



But hey, no fair!!! Tall girls can’t dance as girls?! Sob...



Okay, fine. Actually I don't really mind it anyway, just hope that I won't get all messed up criss-crossing between genders... lolx...



But there's another problem. I have been so lagging behind. Not practising enough. I had tried hard to steal some time off my books and practise in the badminton hall, but it's so difficult when the hall's always full, plus there is always never-ending exams and revisions waiting for me. And also, I'll be dead if I got caught wearing my practise clothes in the hall. *grins* But if I stick to the dresscode, I won't be able to see if my legs had moved the right way. Sigh... Sifu said to execute the moves well, practice should be done at least 1 hour daily, but for me, managing to nail 2 hours per week is already a major victory.



So how am I going to face Sifu...? Sure thing her experienced eyes would notice my lack of practise even when I start to lift just one foot. And you know, the last thing I wanted is to disappoint her. To let her think that I'm not taking dancing seriously. I wanted badly to answer her question, the one she asked me a few months ago. I wanna tell her confidently and sincerely, that dancing is really something I WANT. Not only that, I wanna show her. I wish to see the same proud smile on her face, the one that had inspired me so much, that had brough me so far all these time. I want to live up to her words.

If only I could.


I'll continue praying hard to God in this. May God answer my prayer, give me strength to strive hard in whatever circumstances, strengthen my heart dear Father. Take away my fear and insecurities; instead, grant me confidence and determination. Secure me with your guidance, oh Lord. Lead me to achieve my dreams one day. Amen.

Este Sentimiento

I wonder... What would this feeling be?

When you see an empty bench by the field.

When you see a children's slide in the playground.

When you see a wobbly shed in the park.

When you see the lights of a distant building.

When you look down from the top of a platform...

in the quietness of the night.

A throne!

A castle!

A mansion!

A tower!
... Our kingdom!

So... where's the prince and princess?

And so I will. *grins*

Hear me, oh Lord

Somebody help me. Please. I really don't know what to do. I really don't. It's such a helpless feeling...

I don't want this to happen. This is my home. Please God, please. I pray hard to thee, please hear my prayers, oh merciful Lord. Stop those heartless people, Father Lord, please not take away my home from me. It is everything to me. Place some heart in them, I pray.

I can't bear to see her cry. No, No, No. Why should I always see tears. Go away, go away. All the sadness all the tears all the pain all the worries. Please go away. I'm already so so so exhausted.

No, I'm not grumbling. I'm not demanding. Never would I breathe a word of dissatisfied with this life that God granted me. I accept every part of God's plans wholeheartedly, however hard it is on me. This is just what mom always taught me since young. To give thanks to Lord for every breath that I take. For every moment of our lives, however tough and however stormy it might be.

But then again, I really don't want to see her cry. I don't want to see her sad. It pains my heart so much. And how hard it is having to show everyone a smile on my face when my heart's already weeping, to act the tough one when my heart's so fragile it's gonna shatter to pieces... Sometimes, it really is tiring.

It's all right if I'm tired, but I don't want her to. Dear Lord, if so, I'd rather be the one to bear all these sufferings; please spare her from this endless turmoil.

Please Lord, I pray to thee, free us from this turmoil. Grant us peace of mind. I pray for strength, especially in her, to get through. Hear our prayers, as I surrender all to thee. Have mercy on us... and I pray that you guide us through all the hard times like this.
In Jesus most holy name I pray, Amen.

What Sem Break Means?

So, do you know what sem breaks mean to me?


Here we go...



1. Dancing, dancing and more dancing!!!

Finally, Sifu, here I come!!!
OMG I've been yearning for the long holidays to come all these time. I juz can't let myself carry on like that, as in not progressing in my dance and all. It makes me feel like such a procrastinator. I'm wasting my time. If it goes on like that, my dreams will never be achieved.


Routines---basic steps, locks, spins, swivels, chasses, splits, rolls, time steps, underarm turns, sliding doors, cucurachas, spot turns and all... Wow, I've got so much to catch up on. To learn new routines, to brush up my old ones.


Skill, posture, style, emotion, expression, interaction with the floor etc... too bad I don't have a partner just yet. It'll be easier to learn with one. Bigger progress compared to doing solo. Sigh... But guess I should juz have to put up with my current situation.


I'm in a standstill now, so lotta catching up to do. (stress, stress, stress) Not improving much either on my old routines, so Sifu, please be patient with me!



2. Time to have some fun!!!

Yupz, what's holiday without having fun?! Have lotta plans up my sleeves.

- Indulge myself on a shopping spree... that's a must must. ^-^
- Online as long as I want. Have a whole list of songs I wanna download, a whole lot of movies I wanna stream...
- Go jogging and swimming and playing ping pong, badminton, basketball... or juz running about burning calories. Gotta work those abs and lose some fat. And who says sports aren't fun? (though I'm not particularly good in them)
- Wake up as late as 12 noon!!! Seriously, that's some luxury that not anyone else can have, you know...
- Stay in bed reading a book... Luxurious!!! Fantastico!!!
- Eat anything I want. I've been making a mental list of food I wanna eat when sem break is in. (Juz hope it won't add inches to my waist!!!) Yum yum, juz at the prospect of thinking about it...



3. Blogging as much as I can.


See why I'm here almost everyday? Since lotta extra time lately, so I can utilize them fully by uh... ranting here. Sorry people, hafta bear with mua... *winks*




4. Work my Spanish.


Estudio, estudio, estudio español!
Something to do if I have the resources. And when I am in a NERDy mood, but didn't want to face chemistry juz yet. Gonna get a good Spanish book when I have the money.



5. Just spend time with you...

You, you, you and you... *grins*

Have a lot more but...

Tata for now!!!

Till the next time...

*******************

Uh-oh...

NOOOOOOOOO!!!!! ARGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm in a crappy mood rite now... so people, BEWARE.

You're right, I should really get a life. Yupz... I'll try... after I finish ranting over here. lolx.
Sorry for being such a jerk at times. But I admit it... I'm really kinda hard to handle, sometimes. Thanks a zillion for bearing with me all the times when I grow teeth and get snappy... Maybe I should try to be a more demure gal...hahax... (urm, if I could)


So, accomplishments for today...

1. Realised that I've gotten FAT FAT FAT!!!!! after the friggin exam period...NO!!!!!!

2. My guitar skills had been awoken from it's long slumber. Yawnnnnn........

3. Managed to steal some time to do a little breaking feat. Step Up 2 The Streets... Thank God I could still pull off some of my power moves. But oh no, these rusty bones are damn creaking all the way... sigh... post-exam trauma.

4. Rumba-ed and Samba-ed after that... before getting totally EXHAUSTED. (uh-oh, gotta rebuild my stamina)

5. Watched loads of MV feat. J.Lo. Long time no see, mi esposa!!!

6. Updated my special diary... *wink*


* Rest of the time spent missing my hyper huggable dear teddy bear... lolx...



See? I'm in a better mood now. Maybe you're rite, I do recover very fast. Sometimes, I really think that you know me more than I do myself.

Guess I'm really a DUMMY...

But that doesn't really matter.

I have you with me. ^-^

**************************

I Want...

Finally!!! Friggin exams are over... urm... at least for now.
At least now I could clear a little space in my mind, to lighten the burden my heart had been carrying for so long. This poor little heart of mine.
I'm already exhausted. A whole week's worth of tiredness and all is getting to me now, real hard.

I don't wanna think about exams. It's pretty much kinda screw-able. Juz gotta pass the cut-off point and get it over with. Perfect scores, gold medals... nah, that's not what I really want anyway.


"We girls have absolutely no idea what we want..." ~~~ Holly


That's not true. I know what I want.

I want You...