Day 15 - Lord, You Amaze Me...

It had always been my childhood dream to be able to play piano. I remember when I was five or six, my dad had this Richard Clayderman’s album that he used to play every evening on the stereo. I will wake up from my afternoon nap to sit by his side, silently in awe of the beauty of the music. “Chariots of Fire” was one of my favorites. And for long enough, I had wished and wished to be able to play like that one day. But sadly for all these years, much as the dream still stays alive in me, circumstances fail me.

For one, I grew up in a small village in Perak. At that time, there were no academies or teachers whatsoever to offer piano lessons. Maybe there were, but I guess not at an affordable price. You see, my family wasn’t pretty well-off then; piano lessons were just too much a splurge. And getting the piano itself posed a bigger problem. How could I ever ask my dad to get me a piano which costs at least a few thousands, gosh, that’ll be almost half a year worth of his salary! The last thing I wanted was for our entire family to be eating grass by the piano set.

So instead, my childhood years were spent running among paddy fields, climbing trees, rolling and falling down in the mud, catching tadpoles... typical lifestyle of a country kid. Not that I regretted living my childhood years the way I did. I did have lots and lots of great times. It was all still, some experience I wouldn't want to trade for anything else in the world.

Just that sometimes, when everyone else around me were grade 8 pianists, degree violinists, experienced gymnasts, ballet dancers... I'll wish that I could have been more productive. What am I? Professional tree-climber? You'll be laughing at me.

So I was, still waiting for chances to come; by then which I was twelve and moved to Ipoh. Ipoh was so much different, so many more chances, it had everything I wanted. Happily I approached my parents to send me to piano classes. But God always has His way of telling me subtly that my chance wasn’t to come just yet. The same old reasons, too expensive, and another new reason, I had to focus on my studies. They kept telling me I was too old to learn, and dejectedly, I didn't press on the topic ever again. Truth is, when my parents said no, they meant it.

It was after SPM in 2006 that I dared to voice my wish again. This time around, my parents finally agreed. Seriously I was overjoyed, but disappointment followed soon after. The schools rejected me. Apparently they said I was too old (wth…), and they said I had to have constant lessons and practices, which I couldn’t fulfill, since I would be leaving for my college in Shah Alam two months after. I had no choice really, but to abandon my dream for the third time.

I was sad and dejected, but God was good to me. One night I had this intriguing dream. In my dream I was in a vast space, something that resembled an open air warehouse, but with smooth white floorings. In the distance, there was a silhouette of a girl, playing gracefully on a piano. The melody was so beautiful, as if in a trance, I started walking towards her. But strangely, no matter how long I walked, the distance never got any nearer. In the end, I grew tired and fell to my knees, weeping softly. Then I heard His soothing voice telling me:” Do not distress, girl, for I have greater plans for you. Remember to be patient, and you’ll see light at the end of every darkness. Come to me now, and I will guide your way…” I turned around and saw my reflection on a big mirror that appeared out of nowhere. The last thing I saw before I woke up, was my own smile reflected there on the mirror.

It was not long after when I stumbled upon my first dance lesson. It all happened when one day, a friend and I suddenly came up with the topic on activities to fill up our time; and she casually mentioned that she had actually attended latin dance classes at one of the studios nearby when she was younger, but she quit about 2 months later. It was then when a light struck on me. Why had this never crossed my mind before, for all these time? Truth is, I had always loved dancing too. I used to love watching dance performances and being in dance performances throughout my life. I guess I was too obssessed with learning piano than to think about anything else all along.

Latin dance, well, it sounds interesting! Why not give it a try? With only a vague idea of what latin dance is, I phoned up the studio, (asking lots of stupid questions) and enrolled myself in the beginner's cha cha class. I fumbled my way to the studio, up the stairs, and all through the registration procedures; still pretty doubtful if I made the right choice to come, especially when this decision wasn't in my parent's consent in the first place. But God cleared all my doubts, for the moment I started learning my first chasse, I fell deeply in love with it. Somehow I knew it was His plan for me. And seriously, I couldn't have been more grateful to Him for it. For after all the waitings, the dissapointments, fallen hopes and dreams; I finally found what I had always wanted, although it wasn't any of my initial plan. But His plans for me is even better than the ones I had for myself. Praise the Lord!

Neways, deep down, there's still this silent desire of at least, knowing how to play the piano. But this time around, I learnt to wait patiently for my chance to come. I believe that He will send me a signal. Maybe one day, there'll be someone who comes along, patiently willing to teach me. Maybe one day, I might even learn how to play it all on my own. Who knows? Afterall, He has His amazing ways in everything. I just gotta have faith in Him.

Yes Lord, you never fail to amaze me.

Thank you Lord.

I love you Lord.