If this were a song...

If I can write a song,
I will write one for you,
but sorry I don't know any music.
If I can paint a picture,
It'll be a picture of you,
but sorry I have no gifted touch.
If I can make you happy,
I'll try my best for you,
to make you feel like the luckiest girl in the world,
But sorry I don't seem to be the one.

I know this is not much,
not much at all,
But this is the only thing I can do,
to write a little something for you.
If this would ever be a song,
You might not know,
But yes it is for you.

Have I ever told you,
How I love your eyes?
They sparkle like stars in the sky,
of gold and green or grey... sorry I'm not really sure,
Truth is I never dare to look for long,
For fear you could see,
All this feelings I have inside me.

Have I ever told you,
How I love your smile?
Bright and warm as the summer sun,
Takes my breath away every single time.
So I tried all I could,
just to see that smile on your face;
Hope I didn't look too silly,
I just wanted to see you happy.

If I had a recorder,
I hope you don't mind if I save your voice;
How you called my name,
How you laughed,
How you ordered me around...
And if I would listen to it someday,
I know it'll put a smile on my face,
Helps me remember you better,
When you're long gone away.

If you'd ask me what I am feeling,
I would tell you,
There's nothing I wanted more
Than to kiss you right now.
But then again probably not,
I might lie and say I'm feeling fine,
For this shall be a secret you can never know.

I think writing this makes me sad,
But why am I sad?
When I know you were never mine to begin with?
I guess every girl would love to have some dreams;
Just not let myself have hopes too high,
For the higher you reach, the more it hurts to fall.

There are so many things I would want to tell you but I can't,
And girl it's killing me inside,
for I yearn to shout them from the mountain tops!
Now that you're gone, least can I whisper to the wind?

I could've loved you with all my heart if you would've let me. 

Love,
Christine

Catching Up

It had been almost a year since my last blog update. So many things had happened since then, and it just ain't possible to fill you in with all the details now. In brief, I got through my EOS5, went on to continue my phase 2 in University of Tasmania (UTAS)... Didn't like Hobart at first, but now I'm starting to get used to the slow-paced lifestyle and quietness of this little town. It's a really beautiful place, now that I realize. A very peaceful, nourishing environment. Probably better for someone really playful like me (haha) because it helps me focus. I do still miss KL sometimes, especially the food and my friends, and the shopping and singing and mamak sessions... But oh well, life goes on. Everyone had already went on different paths and those great times we had together would just remain as treasured memories now. There are always changes in life, whether or not we welcome them. This I learnt.

For one, I had become very independent these days. Too independent, actually. Never would I have thought that this would be the woman I'll grow up to be. Even as a baby I would cry if I meet strangers; I used to be the girl who is very afraid to be left alone, who would go home every week when I was in college because I'll be homesick, who would not dare to walk alone or say no to something or voice an opinion or stand up to what is right. So i guess this change ain't a bad thing, really. People said I grew really cold and skeptical sometimes, but thing is, I really don't want to be the weak, whimpy little girl I used to be. I do not want to be as easily affected by emotions, situations and people as I was. I need to be harder, tougher, calmer, colder, stronger; which I pretty much learnt the hard way over these few years. Then again, there should probably be a balance in everything, I'll find that. Promise. =)

Please do not worry about me. I will be fine by myself. I always do. I just needed time. I'd always got myself covered. But if anyone of you would like to walk with me, you are always more than welcomed...


Till the next update. Hopefully soon? =) Cheerz!

I may walk alone, but my voice will not be broken. ~ Catherine Morgan