To you,
I wish I were like you, talent-fully playing your mesmerizing music, not the clumsy girl struggling with her footwork.
I wish I were like you, looked up upon with admiration, not the invisible, insignificant wallflower.
I wish I were like you, louder, voicing yourself to where people would listen.
I wish I were like you, steadier, just the phlegmatic person I'd so wanted to be.
I wish I were like you, smarter, so as to reason the way I couldn't.
I wish I were like you, stronger, so as to stand up to what you believe.
I wish I were like you, sharper, clear of all your directions and purposes.
I wish I were like you, braver, much more capable.
I wish I were like you, less dependent, more dependable...
Very often, I'd just wished to be better than what I am now.
You'd always tell me that you could deal with things perfectly well yourself. And yes, you normally always do. Sometimes, you seems just so fearless, like you're not scared of anything at all. The strong sense of secureness I find in you, is what so often made me so in awe.
You see, in many ways, I too, wished that I could make it on my own. But when things just never turn out right, when problems just couldn't cease to arise, I lose faith and sadly to admit, I start feeling frustrated of myself. To be frank, I was never contented with myself.
Dear Lord, I'm so so sorry. Forgive me for times like this when I hate myself so much, even when I know so well that I shouldn't. Forgive me for being so childish, so unappreciative, so foolishly adamant. After all I am your creation, O Lord; I am your child. And I know that you'll still love me just the way I am.
So Lord, at times like these, teach me not to complain of what you did not make me into, but instead, give thanks for what you made me into. Shine your light on me and in me dear Lord, widen my narrow perspective and capacity, show me that I can still work your glory with this mere self that I am.
In days to come, grant that I may seek not so much of everyone else's acceptance but yours, Father Lord. No, it's not that I will not change; yes, I shall learn to improve on where I am lack in. Just that this time around Lord, I will change for you and your favor; not into whatever stereotype that others willed me to be. I simply want to grow in your very own special mould for me, for I know that's what my best is to be.
Here is my thought, this is my plea, I just want to come to you now dear Lord, and surrender myself to you whole and whole. And I pray that you will bring the best out of me. That in all I am, and all I do, it will be glorifying to your name. Grant me strength, perseverance, directions, courage, and confidence; for every part of me which are in the dark, guide them to your shining path. I pray that in this newness of life, you'll open up my eyes and let me see just what I am capable of, Lord. Now and forever, make me your instrument to play your wonderful music.
Lord, sustain me by your mercy and grace, in your name I pray,
Amen.
