Dance Diary Part 14 - Merlion International Ballroom Dancing Championships & Johor Stars of Tomorrow International Dancesport Championships

I'm sorry to have put off this long to write about my S'pore/Johor championships. Truth is, Sem 5 had already started and boy it's TOUGH!!! I'm working around the clock even when it's only a few weeks into the semester! It's crazy, with all the IMS presentations to prepare, the community medicine project, household surveys and SPSS stuff which I had totally no idea how to operate... No wonder people say that sem 5 is the busiest semester ever! And EOS 5!!! OMG i dun even wanna think about it yet. I totally should've started studying earlier.

Nope I'm not gonna elaborate further about my semester, this is my DANCE diary, so imma get back to my competitions instead. So as I mentioned earlier, these 2 back-to-back competitions gonna most probably be my last competition for the year, so I had to make the BEST out of every single moment... and guess what, I think I DID! I did have a great time; dancing, competing, watching people dance and bonding with my studio mates... It was just as awesome as I wished it could be, and I can say that at the end of the day, I'm indeed a very contented girl. =)

For starters, OMG!!!!!!! I FINALLY WON SOME MEDALS!!!!!!!!!! *squealing in delight*

My 1st ever dance MEDALS!!! 2 bronze, 1 silver. (not the ones on the left, those are for running and table tennis.. lolx...) 

Opps, sorry, it's pretty hard to contain the excitement, but I'm gonna back up a little...


THE DAY BEFORE (5/8/2011) 

Had brief lunch in JB before heading off to Singapore. Good old wanton mee! =)

The magnificent Singapore with it's many skyscrapers!

So we set out the day before to Singapore, which believe it or not, was my FIRST time there, and my FIRST experience of visiting another country aside from our faithful Malaysia! O.o Singapore was just as I expected; strict custom, tall buildings, everything was like neat and tidy as if living in a box. And our little hotel was situated somewhere called V Lavender or something I wasn't really sure. It was a pretty nice hotel though, especially love the big screen window in our room! We girls ended up camwhoring by the window, with the magnificent Singapore skyline behind us.

Our hotel

Me and my roomies in our oh-so-sexy poses

You gotta love the wonderful big screen window behind me with the amazing city view!

In the evening, we went by the insanely-crowded MRT to City Hall 2 stations away to have our dinner. The food was like pretty exy especially if you do the conversion, and silly me only brought 20 dollars cuz I was expecting hawker food, so I ended up just having Burger King. Fast food rules!!! haha... It was pretty late when we got back, and after fussing around preparing the stuff we needed for the big day, we called it a night, sharing a king-sized bed between the four of us. Was quite a cram, but we were too tired and fell asleep with no problem at all!

With the WLD group at the MRT station heading to City Hall for dinner. (spot me? =P)

THE SINGAPORE COMPETITION (6/8/2011)
Waking up at 5am was a torture. But I wasn't going to grumble about it, for this was THE LONG-AWAITED DAY. And so we were all up early, preparing ourselves for our 'battle', as Aunty Merle always put it. That word kinda worked up my nerves, to be honest, but guess competitions are indeed, like a battle; and the dancefloor, a warzone. Anyway, up side of it, it kinda got my spirits boiling too, to go all out for a battle! But make-up was quite an ordeal, for I do really suck at it. The only few times I really put on make-up were for my previous competitions and also performances. Normal days? Nah. imma just let my face go au naturel! =P So with that little practice I've had, it was quite a struggle. Took me 5 hours to get ready!!! *gosh! but at least I was pretty much the same speed as the other gals too... lolx!* Thank God though it wasn't anything people would call a great artwork, my completed competition make-up was still fairly presentable. =P

The competition was held in this country club ballroom which was pretty magnificent too. And the dance scene was just as much of a 'battlefield' as I had in mind, with armies of competitors from all around the world. Unfortunate for us, when we arrived, the first few competitions had already started, which meant the warm-up session was over, and we missed the chance to test the floor. The dancefloor was HUGE, with brightly-polished wooden flooring, quite the best floor I've ever seen. Thank god it was good too, not too slippery or rough, really great to dance on!

Rumba in action!

Now to the Cha Cha

Samba  

The competition went pretty well I have to say. Although I was kinda nervous in the beginning, I became more and more confident as the events pass. And I managed to enter finals for all the 3 dances that I joined! Rumba and Cha Cha finals were night events, while Samba finals was finished off by afternoon. I kinda lost my timing halfway during Samba finals, idk was I nervous or what, but somehow it just happened. And hence the 6th placing for Samba. =( *damn me and my bad timing!*

Samba 6th placing

For the night events I gathered up my nerves and managed to give a better performance than my Samba. I got 3rd placing for both Cha Cha and Rumba, which means, my first few medals!!! Weeeeeeeee!!!!!!!! =) =) =) Although I wasn't champion yet, but it was really an improvement to me, considering the lack of practice I had beforehand and how much a black sheep I was. @.@ And it was an International Open event, whereby there are even quite a number of competitors from the 'notorious' China!!!  Lolx...

On stage as 2nd Runner up for Cha Cha

2nd Runner up for Rumba as well (still pwned by the china gals...sigh...)

Taking a break with Shi Teng

Anyway, after that, we bathed and washed up in the club's washroom, and then chilled around, waiting for Uncle William and the rest of our teachers to be done judging the competition so that we can all take our bus to our hotel in Johor. It was around 11plus when we were finally set to go, and many of us were already exhausted. We reached Johor at about 1am, and after checking-in and preparing ourselves for bed, it was already over 2 pm. I fell asleep dreading the thought of waking up at 6am the next day...

My Singapore comp certs! 

WLD competitors' group photo with our beloved teachers!

THE JOHOR COMPETITION (7/8/2011)
So I woke up an hour later than my alarm. *damn my bad habit of resuming sleep after switching off the alarm!* And so I had to bathe and gobble down my cup noodle at supersonic speed to make up for time loss. And then I went to join the girls to make-up. Again. Seriously I was kinda sick of the process. But good thing was that I actually improved from yesterday's practice, and so I manage to add a more dramatic touch to my eyes compared to yesterday. Kinda satisfied with my results, and less time spent too! =)

The bring-it-on-i'm-ready-for-battle stance!!! 

With the other home team gals in the 16 and above solo open category (Note how colourful our costumes are! teehee)

I reckon I'm doing the Cuban break

The venue for Johor comp was much smaller, in some restaurant where they had this temporary dancefloor set up. Managed to make it to test the floor this time, and boy was it slippery! But thank God somehow into the competition, it became less slippery, probably because the ballroom dancers who had their comps first danced away most of the wax on the top layer? haha!

One of my favourite Cha Cha pose. Just lurve how tanned I look for this comp!

Anyway, the competition went really great, and I had a really good time. Was kinda nervous at times, but when the music comes on, I just went all out for it, danced like there was no one watching. There was only one thing on my mind, and it was "I am doing the thing that I love, and this might be my last competition of the year, so I am gonna make the best out of it!" And so I did. Although in the end, I still couldn't manage to get champion for any of the dances, but I got into finals again for all the categories! 4th placing for both Samba and ChaCha, and first runner up for Rumba!!! (obviously Rumba is still my best dance =P)

1st Runner up in Rumba! What a pleasant surprise! =)

My Johor comp certs!

It was pretty late when we were done with the comp. We did not even have much time to remove our make up or bathe, as we were all packing and rushing to take our late night bus back to KL. Chinese medicine selectives classes waiting for me at 8am! It was crazy, really crazy. We left Johor at 1am, only to reach KL at about 6am. I was pretty exhausted by then, but I managed to haul my luggage and all back to Vista, remove my make-up, bathe, and get ready for classes, while other competitors get to stay home and sleep in... Hmm, price to pay for being a med-student I guess! We never really get much chance to rest! But it was all worth it, I would say. =)

One good thing about Johor comp is that dinner was provided! Yummm don't you just love an 8-course meal after a tiring day? Haha!

Table mates! =P

Epilogue
(credits to Stephen and all the other photographers whom I took the photos from! You know who you are!)
I think I'm gonna miss the competition scenes. Joining competitions under WLD is awesome, the great company, the fun we had together, the unity and cheering for each other, the learning and growing together... it's all parts and parcel of what makes the competition experiences great. And the DANCE, the smooth polished floors, the ballrooms, the lights, the photo-takings, the audience, the shimmering costumes... all these memories will be etched into my mind forever and always. I know that I will always love dancing, no matter where I go and what I do. I remember every word Uncle William told me after the prize-giving ceremony of Johor comp. He told me:" Whatever you do, please promise me not to give up dancing!" He said I was improving and getting better, and it would be a waste to stop dancing. I'll surely take these words to my heart, and yes, I will continue to dance. I certainly will! =)

I promise this will not be my last competition!

Till then!!! I'll leave you with,

Life is just so wonderful when there is DANCE!!!!!!!!! 

Dance Diary Part 13 - Of abs and tan... and being the black sheep... =(

Singapore/Johor comp is looming ahead. Only 4 more days to go. Think I am pretty doomed this time... =(
For one, I only just learnt my steps for the 3 dances that I joined (Rumba, Cha Cha and Samba) about a week ago. And I only attended 1 lesson plus 3 drillings before I MIA-ed back to Ipoh again. And now that I am back in KL, there are only 2 more drilling sessions to go before the BIG DAY.

*Gotta buck up supersonic speed, gal!!! These are international competitions, battle's gonna be TOUGH out there! Somemore it's Open category this time, no longer Beginners! 

Even in my studio alone, among the other competitors of my category, I am pretty much... the black sheep. The lousier oldest one. =( Especially my Samba, in the previous few drillings, I even had a hard time remembering the steps for the pretty-complicated routine. Teacher Merle was telling me, gal your Samba is below standard, gotta work it up!!! *opps =( =( =(*

Anyway gonna practice REAL HARD this week. One good thing is that it is still sem break and rotations are over, so minus the academic burden to worry about, I can focus more on my dance I hope. This might gonna be my last competition this year, since sem 5's gonna be darn hectic and all... and then it's those visa and PMS and flying overseas to continue my phase 2... I can't see any time in near future where I could slot in another competition, much as I wanted to. =( Sigh... guess I just gotta make the BEST out of this coming Johor/Singapore comp. It's gonna mean a lot to me. Gonna last me through the remaining of this year, at least. I gotta practice hard, and dance my best for the judges, teachers and audience. I hope I ain't gonna let anyone down, even though by the rate I am going now, I might already had. Sorry dear teachers, I will work hard even though time is sparse... gonna try my best and have no regrets! =)

On a side note, I had actually become pretty tanned lately; due to all the swimming and occasional runs walks. Kinda a good thing, at least my face will not look so obviously blackened by the caramel foundation like it did last time during my first competition! (I still remember my tanned-made-up face contrasting with my fair skin on my body... it was TERRIBLE! ishhh) I've come to learn to pre-tan myself after that. teehee... And am trying to build some abs too, by dancing and swimming. Gotta keep a real good bod to pull off my a-little-too-revealing costume. Any flabs or fat is gonna be very much visible as there is not much cloth to hide behind. Sigh... bad choice of costume. (next costume I make, it's certainly gonna have MORE CLOTH, and possibly some drapes... I love flowy ones... =P)


Signing off to bed... long week ahead!!! I'll leave you with,

Riccardo Cocci and Yulia Zagoruychenko Jive @ WSSDF 2010

Yulia, my inspiration, forever and always. *heart* She never fails to remind me the reason that I dance; and if ever I were on the verge of giving up on dancing when times were difficult, it is her who could always reignite my passion.

Know what does my heart secretly wish?

One day, I wanna be a great dancer like Yulia Zagoruychenko... =)

Or am I only dreaming?

I guess I was dreaming. For when I opened my eyes, you were gone... What made me think that you will come back to me? Had I really slept this long?
Guess it's time for me to wake up already.

If only...

I wanted to tell myself that one day everything will go back to what it was like. When it was just you and me. Your touch, your scent, your words, your lips, your eyes... Is there any chance there is? Why am I still waiting, after this long? Long gone promises are lying in the crypts, buried deep. How much chance do I stand? Why am I so stubborn when it comes to you?


I thought I smelled your scent yesterday. It was so familiar, it almost made me cry. It had been so long. I look around now, but I can't figure out where it come from. You weren't here, were you? It was just a dream, no? I was just there all alone, no?

No?

I could've loved you with all my heart if you would've let me. 

Dance Diary Part 12 - 8th National Ballroom Dancing Championship 2011

Status: Completed. 

My FIRST SOLO competition. It felt sooooo different, being out on the dancefloor alone. It was as if all eyes were on you, judging you, noticing every little move (and mistake) that you made... Especially when dancing in the finals, it was only down to 6 people on the floor, and THAT was downright scary. No kidding. 

Okay, let me back up a little. The competition was held on the 12th of June at Penang Bayview Beach Resort, the very same place that I went for my first competition last November. Very nostalgic, if you would ask me. But then again, it was a good thing to be familiar with the place, at least I know my way around, and I kinda could imagine how the competition would look like, the dancefloor and all... 

But then again, it was still a whole new experience in a whole new way. For one, the people going with me this time were pretty different. There were many new people, new friends and all.
And then it was the category that I joined, Solo Beginner. SOLO & PARTNERLESS. T___T
And then it was the dance that I were to do this time. Cha Cha and Jive. The 2 dances I am not really familiar with. Even during drilling, I had a pretty hard time improving my Jive. Somemore kena scolded many times by Uncle William and Aunty Merle! =( I remember 2 weeks before the competition, Uncle William was so frustrated when teaching me the Jive techniques that he fumed at me :" I don't even know why you want to join competition lar, dancing like this!!!"... =( =( =(

But somehow criticism pushed me to work even harder in my dance. I did practice really hard, allocating at least 2 hours per day dancing at IMU dance room, and that did not include the everyday drilling sessions at WLD. And I was glad I did that. I'm glad I didn't give up on myself even when everyone else seems to have no high hopes in me. For hard work did pay off as I managed to make my way through to the finals! As they recalled dancers from Heats to Semi-Finals and then Finals... it was almost exhilarating to see my number on the board each time. 

And there was even some problem in our category that made us had to re-dance the finals. According to the organizers  our Jive routine consists of some out-of-syllabus steps, and so Aunty Merle had to pull us aside and re-choreograph our routine on the spot, and then we went for the re-dance... >.<

And after all the hassle and mess, we got the results, and I got 6th placing!!! =) I kinda expected that, since my techniques were seriously lacking and I am so nervous till I might even be out-timing at times. But still, at least I got a placing!!! And it was already kinda what I expected! Especially when there were many other studio mates of mine who joined my category, and during drillings, they seems to be much better than me. I thought I'd maybe survived till semi-finals and get eliminated by my own studio-mates... it will be as far as I go and I'll be satisfied already. =P

Guess I'm pretty lucky this time. But then this gave me more motivation to try and do better for the next competition. And I was happy when Uncle William said to me after the competition that I actually improved a little, and Aunty Luisa also told me this is a good start and encouraged me to work harder and get better placing next time. Dear teachers, I will surely try to improve! Thanks for all your teaching and guidance this long, I love you all!   

My cert... No medals though... T__T Next time I'll try to get medals... that's my dream!

Some of my studio-mates who joined the same category as me 

My beloved teacher , Uncle William and I

My AWESOME technique class teacher, Aunty Luisa and I

Choon Wei the joker who graduated from IMU

Onn Rei gor gor... =)

Young Nisha with her charming-enough-to-kill eyes...O.O

And I met my sifu from Ipoh too!!! She was also one of the judges for the competition... It had been awhile since I had seen her. I'm glad to be able to catch her during a competition break and talked to her awhile and take photos! =) She brought along a few of my friends too for this competition, and I managed to catch up with them too after my event ended... =)

My former Sifu from Ipoh, Alice Hor

Sifu's husband, we call him JJ sifu =P

Somehow I ended up being in a group photo with my former teacher and my present teacher... AWESOME. =)

Till the next time!!! Sure wish there will be a next time! =)

Dance Diary Part 11 --- Dancing Alone

Yet again.

Partner wasn't free, wasn't interested, wasn't even dancing anymore these days... Guess he's been really busy, coping with life and exams and all. =( I don't blame him actually. In fact, I didn't even mention to him about this coming competition. For after knowing him this long, I had came to learn that he has his reasons. Part of them which I kinda know of; part of them might remain a secret he wouldn't have told me... But anyway, as a partner as well as a friend, I gotta learn to support him in his decisions. The girl I was last time would've been angry, would've threw a tantrum, would've even cried... but yet at one unknown point of time, I had learnt to leave that childish self behind. I might be sad, but after awhile, it wasn't so overwhelming anymore.


And so I am learning to make it on my own while he is away.. =(


And in that, standing up to face a new challenge in life --- dancing solo. I had only joined one competition before, and had been used to having a partner around; one whom I can hang onto for encouragements, support, courage, push-pulls, counting beats... even an arm or a shoulder to stabilize myself when we are out dancing on the floor. It was awesome, to know that there is always someone there by your side who got your back.

And yet, now it's all down to myself to save my own neck out there.

Moreover, it is going to be Cha Cha and Jive!!! The two fast-paced dances that I suck most at. To think about it, I barely even learnt any Jive before. For the millionth time I am wondering out loud, why oh why couldn't it be Rhumba Samba instead?!! Even Paso sounds better than Jive! Sigh...

Neways, guess I'll take this as a calling for me to learn some new dance styles and improve on what I am weak on. Afterall, I can't be dwelling in my comfort zone forever, or hiding in the shadows of a partner! I gotta be able to stand on my own two feet first, before I can shine for myself, as well as my partner.
Hence... lemme quote Barney Stintson --- Challenge Accepted! =)

I shall train hard, and see where it takes me. I might suck now, I might still be lousy by the time of the competition... but one thing I know, I will not suck forever if I did always try my best to improve.. One day, I could be good too. =)

P/S: Partner, will you ever come back? ='(

Have you forgotten your Angel...?

Angel I hear you, speak I listen, stay by my side, guide me; Angel my soul was weak, forgive me, enter at last, Master...

Choir was MUCHO fun! Even performed once, and it was an amazing experience. Moreover, it was "Phantom of The Opera" medley! My all time favorite songs... =)

I kinda miss singing Phantom...

Lately life had begun to speed up, much to my dismay. (time pass more quickly = summatives coming sooner) These days I had start to realize the fact that I am leaving IMU pretty soon. Just a few more months here; yet it seemed like just yesterday I was a noobie junior at orientation!!! Sigh... I'm starting to sound like some nostalgic old woman, please bear with me. But you see, much as I am excited about PMS, going abroad and all, it made me a trifle sad that I am leaving this place that I had grown so familiar with over the past years.

And the people too. You, you and you...

  

Had officially passed dance club down to the 'younger generation'. Guess it really is time for me to move on to the next chapter in life. Only hope is that in the next chapter, there will still be DANCE in it!!! =)

It was nice dancing with you guys... Those memories will stay en mi corazón forever. 

You'll know it when there is this someone who is always there for you, to protect you, and to guide you. They call it Guardian Angel.
See, I am sending an angel before you, to guard you on the way and bring you to the place I have prepared.  --  Exodus 23:20
Wonderful thought. I wonder who is my Guardian Angel?

And you,

have you forgotten your Angel...? =(

The walk was nice. Felt something like the way it used to be. How long had it been? I had really missed it. Gimme one wish and I would wish to have one day of the life as it was, back then. I knew I was happy.

Would be a nice ending, even to the saddest story.  

And as the story goes, 














I'll always be your Angel...

You are Special... =)

It always intrigues me how different people can be. Funny how could it be when we are all creations of the same Maker? When I was younger I would wonder; Lord, why is it that You make everyone of us different? Ain't there be disagreements? Ain't there be misunderstandings? Ain't there be war?...

As I grow older, I meet people, and I've come to realize, that in every unique individual we meet, there is something worth learning from them. The people you meet in your life, they make a mark on you somehow or rather, even if you might not notice it. 

I've long learnt not to be judgmental. For me, I never give anyone 'death penalties', instead, I always try my best to give everyone second chances. For I always believe that people CAN change. No doubt they have the ability to. It's often just a matter of will. 

Human minds are such wonderful creations. Our brains consist of the same primary structures, and yet, the mindset and thinkings that we develop later in life can be so contradicting with each other at times. I used to have this weird habit of asking people random questions to ponder upon. Questions about love, life, friendship, God, family... and almost everything. And the feedbacks that I get are always wonderfully insightful. There are the ones that speaks my mind spot on, and yet there are many that contradicts my thinking and beliefs, sometimes way off my tracks and boundaries. Fortunately, I could say that I am one who is pretty much open-minded. Hence for those who oppose my line of thoughts, I welcome them just as well, and I respect their thoughts just as much. I might or might not be affected by these surge of new inputs, but I always view them as a good thing. Opens up a lot of new perspectives, you see. Sort of widens my horizon, broadens my meek narrow mind. There is never too much to see, learn and experience... 

Which might explain why I love collecting quotes. I used to have this 'quote book' in which I jot down all the nice quotes that I came across; in the Bible, in the books I read, in the movies I watched, or even from the people I meet. Keeping a quote, it's like keeping a piece of someone's mind. You will ponder over how that quote came to be expressed, you will smile at it's relatedness, you will shudder at it's truthfulness... And many a time, when I came across a quote, there will be this certain someone on my mind. And so I will share with them, these essence of  man and literature. Because I am one who always believe that we should be more expressive of ourselves, and it's literally unhealthy to keep thoughts to oneself. 

I wish to be a psychiatrist. A counselor. A psychology consultant... reading and analyzing minds, helping people in the going. The anatomy of a human's mind, is far greater than that of a human body. So much yet to explore and understand and learn...!   

And still again, you are SPECIAL. =)

And I miss you now...

How long had it been?
Since I last saw you.
I find I could not seem to recall your face as easily as I once did.

And your smell, your presence, your touch....

Fading steadily away...
I tried to close my eyes, tried to grasp hold of the frail memories of you...

but all is gone. Like shadow, like smoke. 

Was it all a dream?
Your smile, your warmth, your hold...

If it were, how I wish I could've never woke up...

Fading...
Your touch that once lingered on my skin.
Fading...
Your warm breath down my neck.
Fading...
The tingles you once sent down my body.

My hands,

don't wanna start again,

My hands,

no they don't wanna understand,

My hands,

they just shake it try to break whatever piece I may find... 

They just couldn't bring back to me the same feelings you once filled me with...
They couldn't even warm me in these cold nights as you always could...

I guess they just weren't the same as...

your hands.

*******
So fast I had climbed back up, just to fall into another pit-hole again. What was I thinking?!!

My mind forgets to remind me you're a bad idea,

You touched me once and it's really something,

You find I'm even better than you imagined I would be...

I used to be much cooler than this. But why oh why do I always lose my cool when I'm with you?

I'm on my guard for the rest of the world,

But with you, I know it's no good... 

And I had promised never to fall again! Sigh... My bad...

But guess I am one who'd rather hurt than to be heartless...

Dummy me. =(

*******
Sometimes I wish I could go back in time to undo some things.
Like words that I said... or should have said.
Like things that I did... Or did not do.

I should've studied harder.
I should've said something when that happened.
I should've hugged you and never let go.
I should've stopped you.
I should've stopped myself.
I should've the right mind to not keep loving you.
I should've cared less.
I should've paid more attention in lectures.
I should've worked harder in my dance.
I should've known my timing better.
I should've realized earlier.
I should've bought better shoes.
I should've read you better.
I should've listened to my friends.

I should've told you, I actually do love you... 

Too much that I regret of. If only I could go back and set it all right again... Would things have been different?



*******
Watched Penang International Dancing Championship 2010 on TV the other day.
Realized just how much I missed those times.

And I still do.

I miss dancing like we did before.
I miss learning and learning and LEARNING.
I miss the overloading knowledge. 
I miss trying to improve and impress.
I miss drillings.
I miss hanging out with danceworld family.
I miss the aching muscles, bruised toes, sweaty hands... but happy smiles.

I miss technique class and bronze class as they were like before.


*******
Sometimes, it felt like ages since my last real dance with you...

These days,I wonder if my Rumba will ever be the same again? =(

And I miss you now...

How I wish to go back to November again...

轻与重

轻，

是浮云般轻

是毛羽般轻；

生命所不能承受的轻。 

重，

是沉重之重

是沉痛之痛；

心灵所无法承受之重。 

我心

承载不了你的轻；

你心

负荷不了我的重。

所以都沉了，

碎了，

没了……

不复回。 

Kay Kay Beeee!!!

Wasn't as bad as I expected. In fact, it was pretty FUN. Well, it wasn't perfect, wasn't wonderful; but then I would let them off and focus on the great things instead. *even the ridiculous scoldings we got every single day from nurse rita...? No!* =.=

Like the company maybe. Had a pretty good time with my roommates. 6 girls in a hostel room meant for 8 person. Not too crowded. We had real fun on the first night, playing a self created game which compromised of some drinking game + Truth or Dare... it was fun, really a wonderful ICEBREAKER!!! With lots of laughter, and a sore back (due to a limbo punishment in the end)... lolx... [Pity the guys who got our prank calls though...]

our room at the nursing hostel 

Hospital rotations were great too (apart from the constant presence of THE NOTORIOUS nurse rita) Seriously she is EVERYWHERE! (Even at the oddest hour, in the deepest heart of the Wad Bersalin where we were behind heavily-drawn curtains watching the nurses measure a dilation...) >.<
It was really a true-blue hospital setting, and it was kinda over-whelming for all of us at times. There were so many new things to be experienced and learnt, so many different cases, so many out-of-textbook cases we were yet to be exposed to... And many a time, we felt so small and humble by the fact that there are just so much medical knowledge that we don't know still.

So much I learnt, but the most significant, was to have more empathy to patients. It comes pretty naturally though, I would say. It was impossible not to empathize them when it comes down to really seeing them, talking to them, and getting their full history and all. (maybe a little TOO MUCH of empathy for our own good T__T)

And for the first time ever, I did really feel the desire to help them. It's not like in the past when people ask you, why do you want to be a doctor? You will tell them the standard answer, because I want to save lives and help people; whereas deep down you might not even mean what you were saying. This time around, my heart was the one saying that. And it was so unbelievable that it surprised me. I never was one who has the passion for being a doctor, saving lives and all, but now, maybe, just maybe... I had actually started to like this job a little? Maybe I'm learning. Maybe I'm changing. Whatever it is, I'm embracing it! ^__^

Initially I thought I was going to suffer there, but apparently I did not. Even the absence of internet (my drug) was bearable. Even the cold water baths at night I found refreshing. Even the unknown bugs flying around and biting me were forgiven. Even the dirty, hard bunk bed provided me with great nights of sleep. And the food there were NICE, I have to admit.

In fact, it awakened the carefree young village girl in me, one that was long forgotten and hidden among the layers of growing up. It was like I was transported back to the days when I was that little girl, living in that little village I was so fond of. To the life I had before I moved to Ipoh. Those childhood days where I never knew what was the internet, where I take cold water baths from wells, where I catch bugs and tadpoles, and run around barefooted, catching fishes in paddy field, watching stars and chasing the moon at night.
And I realized that even though I had long since moved on, I do miss those days sometimes... =(


Too much of nostalgic crap here, time to stop. =)

KKB, a nice learning experience, leaving me with much to ponder upon... 
Kinda helped me find myself again. 
I think sometimes we do need quiet isolation as such, so that we can finally get to listen to that little voice from deep inside our hearts...  

Dance Diary Part 9 --- The Day After Tomorrow =)

So it is. MY BIG DAY. And also for all the dancers out there; OUR BIG DAY. ^___^

17th Penang International Ballroom Dancing Championships 2010

I'm really looking forward to it. My FIRST EVER LATIN DANCE COMPETITION!!! Something I had been wishing for all this long. It had been hell of an experience for me, this past month. And I know, it's just gonna get better and better. =)

Never been dancing this much of latin since like... forever? And I just LOVE it. Over the past week, we had intensive practices (or "Drillings" as they call it) every single day, right from 2pm to 11pm. And it's all serious no-play-play matter. Drillings as the name goes, are indeed drillings. We sweat out, work out to the max. But it was fun. Real fun. And I learnt a lot throughout. Private lessons before that were wonderful too. Taught me so many things that I had never known before. And made me realize there is just soooo soooo much more to go... It just motivates me and pushes me to yearn for more knowledge, and to improve myself more and more, one step at a time!!! I shall surely work hard (if time allows me T___T) !!! =)

Made many new friends too; most were younger, some were my age or older. They are really nice and friendly people. Made me feel so at home, even when I am so new to the studio. We share, we care, and we help each other out. We talk, we joke, we have fun together... as Aunty Merle said, we are FAMILY. And yeah, I am glad. This was what I had always looked for, someplace I could BELONG. Somewhere I could feel at HOME. ^_____^

Okie, now I realized I sound a little corny... ahahaha... ahem ahem...

Anyway, I'm packing my luggage now. Not really sure what to pack, because it's all so new and unknown to me, I don't even know what to do, what to expect, hence, what to prepare. Nor do I have any idea on how to makeup or how to do my hair. I hope someone would help me then!!! >.<

Guess I just gotta bring what my intuition tells me to bring then! And pray that it'll be sufficient enough to last me through... ^__^ I guess most importantly I should not forget to bring my costume and dance shoes!!! (if forget these then JIALAT lar... >.<)

Gotta resume my packing, and try to get some sleep after that. Penang, here I come! Weeeee!!! =)

Pain is gain?

Okie. I'm back in my bloggie after so friggin' long. My Plurk karma already dropped to zero... >.< Sorry bloggie for leaving you deserted for this long. Haven't been free to drop by. Forgive me.

Even now, unfinished work are pilling up on me. Summatives are over, but still... long way to go. Notes to arrange, clothes to wash, a competition to train for, dance club activities to plan and organize, CSU practices, a contemporary routine to learn, problems to solve... and the MAJOR 'POTONG STIM' --- EOS 3 in January!!! 

Work work work. Imma not let myself slack.

No time to lick my wounds. No time to nurse this broken heart. No time even to feel the pain.


I guess I just had to, had to do things... differently now. I had to make my heart harder, colder, stronger.
A strong woman I shall be. ^___^

It really isn't that hard now that I am used to it. And well, I have my dance. And dance could always make me feel better at the end of the day. Like it cheers me up, refreshes me... Don't ask me how though. I don't really know. =)

It's 9pm. Gotta go. Dance training starting soon. Gotta get myself ready. (ouch, my feet hurts from all that dancing! But no pain, no gain?) I promise I will be back here at least once more before leaving for Penang. Maybe if I have time, to catch up with what I had missed out all this while. ^___^ Ciao?

Signing off...

THE girl, I bet she's beautiful...

yesterday... once more? ):

They can take the future that we'll never know

They can take the places that we said we will go

All the broken dreams take everything

Just take it away but they can never have yesterday

omigosh omigosh... I couldn't get that off my mind. FML

Your eyes. Your eyes at that very moment.

Why avoid my gaze? Why look the other way?

Your voice. Your voice when you said those words.

I could hear the crack. I could feel the pain.

And all I could do was to STONE.


Is that the best you can do, gal?!! F*** you noob, you noob!
Should've touched your hand... Should've given you a hug... Should've at least said something...


Damn! I can't forgive myself! T___________T

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......................

......................

Well, no point regretting, what's done is done. What's not done is... not done. At least you were fine after that. (Or so I think =.=)


I know I could be stubborn at times. A little noisy and annoying, maybe. Pretty childish-ly mischievous, even.


Yes, the way I jumped around all the time, and asked too many questions.
Yes, the way I keep pestering you to allow me to tag along.
Yes, the way I stuck my tongue out at you when you didn't let me stay on.


But I love you.

When we had so much in store

Tell me what is it I'm reaching for

When we're through building memories

I'll hold yesterday in my heart

Yes, I will hold you close to my heart, forever.
Promise.

I know I'll see you again, I'm sure

No, it's not selfish to ask for more

One more night, one more day

One more smile on your face

But they can't take yesterday

Will I see your smile again? ):
For the nth time in my life, I hope that yesterday never did end...




gal, you ask for too much sometimes... Grow up! Move on! *slaps myself*

********************

Me gonna miss you... *sobs sniff sniff breaksdown*

Hurt

4th August 2010

It's a month into Sem 3. CVS is officially over. Moving on to Respi next week... Workload is suffocating. Such a wonder to think what merely a month could do to you! And it's even wonderful to think that Sem 3 would last for 7 months at least?!

It builds you or destroys you. Saves you or kills you.

Sem 3, don't kill me, please. I still have many unfinished wills. Have mercy, I beg thou.


It's an hour past midnight now. Today was downright tiring, but I still ain't sleeping. Lecture notes to catch up with. AIR topic untouched yet with deadline looming ahead.


Samba class today was nice. While it made me realize just how much I miss dancing, it made me realize too just how much I SUCK AT MY DANCE. My Samba was lousy, I know. By the way William laughs at me, I just knew that I'm merely a dissapointment to my Sifu.

Sifu, Sifu... It had only been a month, actually. But it sure felt like decades that I havent seen her already.

I miss her. I really do.
If only she knew.

And yet again, she was so far from me. So... distant, to put it in a better way. And no, it's not the problem with how many kilometers we are apart.

At times, I would wonder; if there were this one moment, that she truly loved me at all? Sometimes reminiscing the past, I thought there really were moments as such. The times she touched my hands, the times she looked into my eyes, the times she ran her hands over my hair... and even recently during her anniversary dinner, when she called me over to her side, wrapped her arm around my waist, and demanded the photographer to take a picture of us together...

It was times like those, when I would feel that she truly loved me as a student of hers, and not think of me as a passerby who comes and goes. Truth is, my heart was always there...


It broke my heart, the day Ah Nee Aunty said that I wasn't considered a student of my Sifu. Ouch. How much it hurts, to have the only teacher that you've known and loved telling you right in your face, that she had never considered you as her student.

But in this case, Sifu wasn't there, so I didn't know if that was what Sifu thought of me all this while, or was it merely Ah Nee Aunty's perception? I really really wanted to know what my Sifu truly thinks about me.


You see, nowadays, I just didn't dare to be so sure about anything anymore.

And it breaks my heart to think that love was merely my own perception, and that she never really did give a damn about me.


I wonder if I had ever hurt her in any way. I'm pretty sure I didn't.

But before I did even hurt her, she hurt me first.

She hurt me, by being so skeptical, expecting me to leave even when I am not going to. By doubting me, building walls to keep me away when all I ever did was loving her and trying hard to protect her feelings.


I didn't cry when I was seven and had my eye operation.

I didn't cry when I was ten and had a piece of my flesh cut out by the doctor to perform a skin test.

I didn't cry when I was fifteen and menstrual pain sent me rolling in my bed.

I didn't cry when I was nineteen and a metal rod was pierced right through my flesh and came out the other end.

But I cried the night after I heard what Ah Nee Aunty said.

I cried the first 3 times Sifu didn't pick up my call.

I cried merely at the thought of her dis-owning me, perhaps?

Call me a cry-baby. I cry, because I care. Cared so much.
Cared TOO MUCH, perhaps...


Will be going back this Thursday. I would so wish to see her.
Just to see how she was doing. Visit and talk, maybe yum cha? ^_^
The last time I managed to call her, she was sick. And I was worried. That was about 3 weeks ago? Should have recovered by now. Guess I'd better check on her.

Most of all, check to see if she is happy. With life, with everything. Just wanna make sure that no one, or nothing hurts her further. As long as she is happy, I'll be happy for her too.

Ohhh, and to tell her I love her! I guess everyone would be happy to be loved, right? ^___^

My own questions, maybe I could leave it till later? Or maybe I just wouldn't want to spoil her day. I had contemplated for so long, but everytime I see her, I could never bear to ask. Instead, I try my best to always cheer her up, because seeing her happy smile makes everything wothwhile I guess.

Because she is awesome.

She was and forever will be, my beloved Sifu;

the one who taught me everything I know now,

the one who believed in me even when the whole world didn't,

the one who fetched me to her studio when my parents refused to send me,

the one who made me laugh, made me cry, and made me grow along the way...

You were so right, I'm really a dummy, am I not? ^___^

But I'm happy enough as it is. That's all that matters I guess!