Dance Diary Part 11 --- Dancing Alone

Yet again.

Partner wasn't free, wasn't interested, wasn't even dancing anymore these days... Guess he's been really busy, coping with life and exams and all. =( I don't blame him actually. In fact, I didn't even mention to him about this coming competition. For after knowing him this long, I had came to learn that he has his reasons. Part of them which I kinda know of; part of them might remain a secret he wouldn't have told me... But anyway, as a partner as well as a friend, I gotta learn to support him in his decisions. The girl I was last time would've been angry, would've threw a tantrum, would've even cried... but yet at one unknown point of time, I had learnt to leave that childish self behind. I might be sad, but after awhile, it wasn't so overwhelming anymore.


And so I am learning to make it on my own while he is away.. =(


And in that, standing up to face a new challenge in life --- dancing solo. I had only joined one competition before, and had been used to having a partner around; one whom I can hang onto for encouragements, support, courage, push-pulls, counting beats... even an arm or a shoulder to stabilize myself when we are out dancing on the floor. It was awesome, to know that there is always someone there by your side who got your back.

And yet, now it's all down to myself to save my own neck out there.

Moreover, it is going to be Cha Cha and Jive!!! The two fast-paced dances that I suck most at. To think about it, I barely even learnt any Jive before. For the millionth time I am wondering out loud, why oh why couldn't it be Rhumba Samba instead?!! Even Paso sounds better than Jive! Sigh...

Neways, guess I'll take this as a calling for me to learn some new dance styles and improve on what I am weak on. Afterall, I can't be dwelling in my comfort zone forever, or hiding in the shadows of a partner! I gotta be able to stand on my own two feet first, before I can shine for myself, as well as my partner.
Hence... lemme quote Barney Stintson --- Challenge Accepted! =)

I shall train hard, and see where it takes me. I might suck now, I might still be lousy by the time of the competition... but one thing I know, I will not suck forever if I did always try my best to improve.. One day, I could be good too. =)

P/S: Partner, will you ever come back? ='(

Dance Diary Part 9 --- The Day After Tomorrow =)

So it is. MY BIG DAY. And also for all the dancers out there; OUR BIG DAY. ^___^

17th Penang International Ballroom Dancing Championships 2010

I'm really looking forward to it. My FIRST EVER LATIN DANCE COMPETITION!!! Something I had been wishing for all this long. It had been hell of an experience for me, this past month. And I know, it's just gonna get better and better. =)

Never been dancing this much of latin since like... forever? And I just LOVE it. Over the past week, we had intensive practices (or "Drillings" as they call it) every single day, right from 2pm to 11pm. And it's all serious no-play-play matter. Drillings as the name goes, are indeed drillings. We sweat out, work out to the max. But it was fun. Real fun. And I learnt a lot throughout. Private lessons before that were wonderful too. Taught me so many things that I had never known before. And made me realize there is just soooo soooo much more to go... It just motivates me and pushes me to yearn for more knowledge, and to improve myself more and more, one step at a time!!! I shall surely work hard (if time allows me T___T) !!! =)

Made many new friends too; most were younger, some were my age or older. They are really nice and friendly people. Made me feel so at home, even when I am so new to the studio. We share, we care, and we help each other out. We talk, we joke, we have fun together... as Aunty Merle said, we are FAMILY. And yeah, I am glad. This was what I had always looked for, someplace I could BELONG. Somewhere I could feel at HOME. ^_____^

Okie, now I realized I sound a little corny... ahahaha... ahem ahem...

Anyway, I'm packing my luggage now. Not really sure what to pack, because it's all so new and unknown to me, I don't even know what to do, what to expect, hence, what to prepare. Nor do I have any idea on how to makeup or how to do my hair. I hope someone would help me then!!! >.<

Guess I just gotta bring what my intuition tells me to bring then! And pray that it'll be sufficient enough to last me through... ^__^ I guess most importantly I should not forget to bring my costume and dance shoes!!! (if forget these then JIALAT lar... >.<)

Gotta resume my packing, and try to get some sleep after that. Penang, here I come! Weeeee!!! =)

Day 9 - Letter To A Friend

It's still cold here. Inside and out. I don't know why it never leaves me, not since... I don't even remember when it was. But it certainly felt like ages ago.

There is no warmth. Even more since he left. And now I'm freezing, even with my thick cardigan on. Even with food and hot drinks. And I think I know why. I miss your warm smile. How long had I not seen it? Three weeks? Or maybe a month? Guess it had been long.

You see, in your smile, I can always find secureness, warmth and comfort.
When I was down, you smiled. And it lifted me up again.
When I cried, you smiled. And strangely enough, it eased my tears much better than words of comfort.
When I though I couldn't do it, you smiled. And it renewed my strength and confidence.


Yes. Your smile could always light up my day.
But you wouldn't know; and I never told you.



I just can't figure out why, but you sure seems to have changed, again. Over the years I'd known you, I saw your changes throughout, even when there used to be many months before we meet each other again. I was always your friend in distance and in silence, was never close, rarely hanged out with you. Sometimes I wonder if this could even be considered friendship. But regardless of whether you take me as your friend or not, you are still, always mine. =p

Always the silent observer;
but just so you know, if you were ever in need or in distress, I would always be there for you, always willing to offer you whatever mere help I am capable of giving.



These days, I wonder if you were bothered by any problems, but never dared to ask. You see, as much as I treasure you as a really nice friend, I am still, at times afraid of you. I don't know if it's because of your seriousness, your coldness, or the imbalance; or because of that unseen barrier between us or because there's just so much more of you that I don't understand yet... sometimes it's just so uneasy that I couldn't bring myself to look at you anymore.

There were times when you were just so cold, and I am just so afraid. Though deep down, I know that you are still the nice, caring individual that had helped me through so much. That was why many a time when I just sensed that something was bothering you, and though my heart was concerned, never did I dare to go any nearer to you. Sorry.

Instead, I just stayed in the distance, silently praying for you. For God to guide you in His light, for God to give you strength to pull through, for God to help you and settle all the worries in your heart, which ways I couldn't. For He can do much more than me. And you'll need Him much more than me.


Do take care. I hope everything's gonna be alright for you. And the next time I see you around here, I wish I can see your warm smile again...


Regards,
Christine