yesterday... once more? ):

They can take the future that we'll never know

They can take the places that we said we will go

All the broken dreams take everything

Just take it away but they can never have yesterday

omigosh omigosh... I couldn't get that off my mind. FML

Your eyes. Your eyes at that very moment.

Why avoid my gaze? Why look the other way?

Your voice. Your voice when you said those words.

I could hear the crack. I could feel the pain.

And all I could do was to STONE.


Is that the best you can do, gal?!! F*** you noob, you noob!
Should've touched your hand... Should've given you a hug... Should've at least said something...


Damn! I can't forgive myself! T___________T

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Well, no point regretting, what's done is done. What's not done is... not done. At least you were fine after that. (Or so I think =.=)


I know I could be stubborn at times. A little noisy and annoying, maybe. Pretty childish-ly mischievous, even.


Yes, the way I jumped around all the time, and asked too many questions.
Yes, the way I keep pestering you to allow me to tag along.
Yes, the way I stuck my tongue out at you when you didn't let me stay on.


But I love you.

When we had so much in store

Tell me what is it I'm reaching for

When we're through building memories

I'll hold yesterday in my heart

Yes, I will hold you close to my heart, forever.
Promise.

I know I'll see you again, I'm sure

No, it's not selfish to ask for more

One more night, one more day

One more smile on your face

But they can't take yesterday

Will I see your smile again? ):
For the nth time in my life, I hope that yesterday never did end...




gal, you ask for too much sometimes... Grow up! Move on! *slaps myself*

********************

Me gonna miss you... *sobs sniff sniff breaksdown*

Dance Diary Part 8 - Of Passion and Priorities

The whole week passed by in fury, in hurry. Performed my contemp dance not once, but twice on the same week. Once on Monday, and once yesterday. And also the fan dance.


Lots of last minute information and changes; atrium floor not available for our 2nd contemp performance, and we had to make do with the stage which is less than half the size of the floor, while risking throwing ourselves down the stage every leap we made. And our fan dance too, had to be performed on an outdoor make-shift carpeted stage that was wobbly and had gaps we might accidently stick our toes in, with a weakly-supported windshield that almost fell onto us when the wind blew from behind during one of our last-minute practice session. Good thing we crawled and ran away in time before the whole thing came crashing onto the ground we had been just a few seconds earlier.


We braced through everything, though surely, with flaws and a little something here and there, but still with multitude of praises and gratitude along the way. However this was when I thought, that's enough for now. I've had enough of dance performances for now. I needed rest. Badly needed a rest. My body hurt like hell, it felt as though I was ran over by a truck ten times. There were bruises all over my legs, shoulders and backside, and my wrist hurt cuz I used it all the time to absorb the momentum of my fall when I slammed myself onto the ground. My toes were peeled and scratched from all that pointing and pirouetting on barefoot...


Yes indeed, it was fun, learning new dances, facing up to new challenges. But I'm tired. Not that I don't enjoy dancing anymore, but I have to be rational. There is always a limit to everything, I had learnt. Much as I wanted to take every single opportunity I get to do whatever I love, there are other duties of mine that I couldn't neglect.
No, I don't mind the pain, I could stand way worse.
No I don't mind the challenge, it helped me learn even more.


It was the consequences that distresses me.
Like neglecting my studies. Like my deteriorating health...


There are some things that come before passion, and those, are called priorities.
I've learnt.


I'm a first year medical student.
not a dancer, not a performer, not a charity worker...
And I should know my priorities...



So long for now, imma gonna take a break from all these for the timebeing. Till I set everything right again. Don't worry, I'm not gonna stop or give up on dancing. Never. I'm just resting and regenerating, for the long journey ahead.. *winks* (Indeed, my dance journey's gonna be a real long, slow-progressing one. You'll gonna have the patience if you wanna walk with me...! =p)

Neways, I'll leave you with...

Memories! It was really nice dancing with you all... ^_^

Till the next time we meet again...

Ain't Where I Intended To Be

My blog seems deserted, sorry for not updating. There's been too much on my mind lately. Faced with a tough decision to make. Am too busy & too emo to blog anymore. But now I really had to spill it all out, or else I might gonna break. Really.

I should have been real happy to be spotted as a potential. I should be overjoyed to be asked by someone to be his partner to enter my long-dreamed-of Latin Dance Competitions. It's my dream, my lifelong dream. i fought for it, so long. And yet it never crossed my mind that, when the opportunity came, I did not jump at it as I always thought I would. There are these problems in the way, which brings me to this difficult situation as now. That somehow made me wish that nothing of this had ever happened to me, and i'm still that fighting young girl who still needs to work hard at her dance skills while juggling her studies, still needing to search for a partner, and still dreaming of competitions & dancefloors.

And yet, I cant change what that had happened. And now here I am, torn between decisions. I hate making decisions, especially decisions that demand sacrifice of one thing, or another. But here I am, forced to face it.

I could have entered the competition, but he who wanted me as his partner had a condition, that is to train under another teacher who is uh, better, and not our regular dance teacher.
And I never would bear to leave my dance teacher, or to hurt her by training under another teacher. I knew that this is a great opportunity for me who had always wanted a partner and to join comps, but somehow I can't bring myself to be so selfish. It will make me feel real bad.

She is indeed a nice teacher, and I do love her. Loved the pressureless way she teaches, it makes me enjoy every moment of the classes. I hadn't learnt from her for long at all, but somehow, she was the one who uh, moulded me. From a clumsy girl who cant even put a foot in front of the other and stay balanced, who can't even do a spin without losing directions; from the girl who broke the studio's record by being the first to step on the teacher's feet.......she made me what I am today.

I remember what a friend quoted for me: "Honour the hands that feed you and the arms that nursed you"...applicable? It makes sense.

And now, if I enter the competition but trained under the other teacher, I'm like betraying her? and it certainly breaks my heart. And yet, if I refuse this opportunity to enter the competition as well as the opportunity to improve my dance skills, it will break my heart as well. Either way, it is heart-breaking. As I treasure both my dream & my teacher a lot.

How, oh how am I gonna make a decision?

I never knew it could turn out like this. This isn't where I intended to be.

Isn't where I intended to be.

And now, time is running out, and I have to make a decision soon. What could I do?!

For the hundredth & thousandth time I pray, God, please free me of this torment of decision-making. Let me end it all with a decision that I will not regret. Console my troubled heartbeats these sleepless nights.
Amen.