You are Special... =)

It always intrigues me how different people can be. Funny how could it be when we are all creations of the same Maker? When I was younger I would wonder; Lord, why is it that You make everyone of us different? Ain't there be disagreements? Ain't there be misunderstandings? Ain't there be war?...

As I grow older, I meet people, and I've come to realize, that in every unique individual we meet, there is something worth learning from them. The people you meet in your life, they make a mark on you somehow or rather, even if you might not notice it. 

I've long learnt not to be judgmental. For me, I never give anyone 'death penalties', instead, I always try my best to give everyone second chances. For I always believe that people CAN change. No doubt they have the ability to. It's often just a matter of will. 

Human minds are such wonderful creations. Our brains consist of the same primary structures, and yet, the mindset and thinkings that we develop later in life can be so contradicting with each other at times. I used to have this weird habit of asking people random questions to ponder upon. Questions about love, life, friendship, God, family... and almost everything. And the feedbacks that I get are always wonderfully insightful. There are the ones that speaks my mind spot on, and yet there are many that contradicts my thinking and beliefs, sometimes way off my tracks and boundaries. Fortunately, I could say that I am one who is pretty much open-minded. Hence for those who oppose my line of thoughts, I welcome them just as well, and I respect their thoughts just as much. I might or might not be affected by these surge of new inputs, but I always view them as a good thing. Opens up a lot of new perspectives, you see. Sort of widens my horizon, broadens my meek narrow mind. There is never too much to see, learn and experience... 

Which might explain why I love collecting quotes. I used to have this 'quote book' in which I jot down all the nice quotes that I came across; in the Bible, in the books I read, in the movies I watched, or even from the people I meet. Keeping a quote, it's like keeping a piece of someone's mind. You will ponder over how that quote came to be expressed, you will smile at it's relatedness, you will shudder at it's truthfulness... And many a time, when I came across a quote, there will be this certain someone on my mind. And so I will share with them, these essence of  man and literature. Because I am one who always believe that we should be more expressive of ourselves, and it's literally unhealthy to keep thoughts to oneself. 

I wish to be a psychiatrist. A counselor. A psychology consultant... reading and analyzing minds, helping people in the going. The anatomy of a human's mind, is far greater than that of a human body. So much yet to explore and understand and learn...!   

And still again, you are SPECIAL. =)

And I miss you now...

How long had it been?
Since I last saw you.
I find I could not seem to recall your face as easily as I once did.

And your smell, your presence, your touch....

Fading steadily away...
I tried to close my eyes, tried to grasp hold of the frail memories of you...

but all is gone. Like shadow, like smoke. 

Was it all a dream?
Your smile, your warmth, your hold...

If it were, how I wish I could've never woke up...

Fading...
Your touch that once lingered on my skin.
Fading...
Your warm breath down my neck.
Fading...
The tingles you once sent down my body.

My hands,

don't wanna start again,

My hands,

no they don't wanna understand,

My hands,

they just shake it try to break whatever piece I may find... 

They just couldn't bring back to me the same feelings you once filled me with...
They couldn't even warm me in these cold nights as you always could...

I guess they just weren't the same as...

your hands.

*******
So fast I had climbed back up, just to fall into another pit-hole again. What was I thinking?!!

My mind forgets to remind me you're a bad idea,

You touched me once and it's really something,

You find I'm even better than you imagined I would be...

I used to be much cooler than this. But why oh why do I always lose my cool when I'm with you?

I'm on my guard for the rest of the world,

But with you, I know it's no good... 

And I had promised never to fall again! Sigh... My bad...

But guess I am one who'd rather hurt than to be heartless...

Dummy me. =(

*******
Sometimes I wish I could go back in time to undo some things.
Like words that I said... or should have said.
Like things that I did... Or did not do.

I should've studied harder.
I should've said something when that happened.
I should've hugged you and never let go.
I should've stopped you.
I should've stopped myself.
I should've the right mind to not keep loving you.
I should've cared less.
I should've paid more attention in lectures.
I should've worked harder in my dance.
I should've known my timing better.
I should've realized earlier.
I should've bought better shoes.
I should've read you better.
I should've listened to my friends.

I should've told you, I actually do love you... 

Too much that I regret of. If only I could go back and set it all right again... Would things have been different?



*******
Watched Penang International Dancing Championship 2010 on TV the other day.
Realized just how much I missed those times.

And I still do.

I miss dancing like we did before.
I miss learning and learning and LEARNING.
I miss the overloading knowledge. 
I miss trying to improve and impress.
I miss drillings.
I miss hanging out with danceworld family.
I miss the aching muscles, bruised toes, sweaty hands... but happy smiles.

I miss technique class and bronze class as they were like before.


*******
Sometimes, it felt like ages since my last real dance with you...

These days,I wonder if my Rumba will ever be the same again? =(

And I miss you now...

How I wish to go back to November again...

One Of The Angels...

I had tried to stop myself from doing this; but gosh, I HAD TO tell you guys about my current flame!!!

*drum rolls*
*hysteric dance*
..........
.......................
..............................
.....................................
.............................................

It's none other than... OUR GIRL, DREW BARRYMORE!!!

Say hi, angel!!!





















Had been spending my whole holidays drooling over her catching up with all of her movies. Simply awesome FTW. Drew is somewhat queen of chick flicks, and I LURVE chick flicks!!!

Chick flick recommendations: 50 First Dates, Music and Lyrics, Ever After and Never Been Kissed



"Charlie's Angels" a MUST WATCH, totally kicks ass!!! And "Poison Ivy" is my favourite Drew Barrymore movie. She was eighteen then; soooo drool-able, sizzling hot, smoldering sexy with her so-kissable pink lips, bare slim waist, extremely low-cut top, clad in tight short skirt displaying her long flawless legs... Seriously seductive.



I'll go Bi for her. Anytime. =P (You too J.Lo, no worries, I hadn't forgotten you)


"Do I like women sexually? Yeah, I do. Totally. I have always considered myself bisexual. I love a woman's body. I think a woman and a woman together are beautiful, just as a man and a woman together are beautiful. Being with a woman is like exploring your own body, but through someone else. When I was younger I used to go with lots of women. Totally - I love it." ~~~ Drew Barrymore


LOLOLOLOLX.... Apparently Drew had the same thoughts... *wink*




















Could you imagine how a fine woman she grew up to be?
And she was oh-so-adorable in ET, when she was just 7 years old.
Another amazing thing is that, now at 36, her looks haven't really changed!!!


"You find yourself talking to friends about work and your life, and you wonder if it is all going to be OK - 'Is this going to work out, what is going to happen?' Now, I don't feel as if I know it's going to be OK, but I don't feel it is going to kill me. I've got a good perspective on life now. It's like, 'We are going to get through this."

"It's the best time of my life - it's not traumatic at all. I don't think I've ever been happier. It's like the older I get, the better I get. Gravity and wrinkles are fine with me. They're a small price to pay for the new wisdom inside my head and my heart."

She's even happy about ageing. *salud*


Plus, what I love about her, is her optimism. She has this perspective about life that is so beautiful, and... strong. I can't really find an appropriate description for her personality, but I could just say that it captivates me. The way she carries herself, it was so grounded. Thing is, she never tried to act flawless, instead she dared to be imperfect (especially the mess her life was in when she was much younger), to take risks, and to dream. Interesting.



"There's something liberating about not pretending. Dare to embarrass yourself. Risk." ~~~ Drew Barrymore

"I'm happy and I think happiness is what makes you pretty. Happy people are beautiful. They become like a mirror and they reflect that happiness." ~~~ Drew Barrymore

Absolutely love her many quotes.
My wifey rocks!!! ^__^

Aww, I'm in love, again, with another woman. Not good. =.=
...................
...................
Who cares? =P

Time to go!!! I'll leave you with ---

I just can't get enough of you, Drew...

Happenings?

Life had never been so happening before. Seriously this post will look like a thesis if I were to write about all these stuff I had over the past months...

I didn't know that being a sem 2 medical student in IMU is THAT busy. I didn't know that the workload could be so suffocating. I didn't know that time could pass so fast. I didn't know that exams could be so stressful it can drive you nuts...

Thank God I am still pretty sane after all that turmoil of EOS 2.


I'll forever remember the desperate measures we came up with, to memorize the never-ending list of viruses, pharmaco, antimicrobials...
EBV (en en's disease =p) with infectious mononucleosis, JC & bak-ku-teh, the fierce mother story of Picornaviridae...
Terfenadine, Loratadine... Trimetaphan, Hexamethonium...
4 generations of Cephalosporin's story...
My self-created Ovulation Phase Contemporary Dance...
And not to forget the most well-known JOINT DANCE... (credits to Pak) =p =p =p


I'll remember the late night studying in Sg.Besi McD. Drinking coke for the caffeine and sugar rush to keep ourselves awake up till 5am.
I'll remember the 4 consecutive days of eating nasi goreng kampung.Ill remember the days of unkempt hair, dark eye circles, the forever tired look, and holding notes wherever we go.


Oh, and had I told you yet, I changed church? Frm ACTS to New Life Restoration Centre. Felt much more at home there...


There were pretty much happenings in my dance life too, at least, more than I expected. And srsly, I'm really thankful to God for all these wonderful opportunities given to me. And also for all the nice friendly people I got to know along the way.


KLDA is a pretty nice place, I've come to know. The people there were friendly, and I adore the big open spaces and smooth polish floor. Got to attend a ballroom dance workshop, learnt some little detailed tips and insights of Waltz and Tango. But with what little that I knew, I am still very very far behind in Ballroom. Guess imma focus on my Latin first. ^_^






The best still, was working as volunteer at the KLDA Rising Star Competition. I was assigned as floor runner (the one who runs around collecting score sheets from judges after every dance) and also to help out with the prizes onstage (literally meaning arranging and giving out prizes to presenters). It was a wonderful experience all in all, it was my first time watching a live competition, and to be involved in the organising team, even though a small role it might be, it was more than I had asked for. *And I got appreciation flowers!* Awesome eye-opener for me.. O.O (thanks a zillion, Kevin, for giving me the chance!!!)


What's more, I was elected IMU Dance Club President!!! Okie, you guys might think what's the big deal about it, but to me, it means a lot. A pretty 'dead' club it might be now, but I still LOVE it. Dance is like the only getaway for me from all the madness of my uni life, like a sip of iced-tea on a hot summer's day...=p Frankly, I've never been any president for anything before, so yea, a challenge it is. But challenge shall I stand up to. To try my best to raise a 'dead' club back to life, to introduce, and to spread the love towards this wonderful form of Art among all of IMU community. To spread the gospel of dance... gosh, I sound like some minister here. But then again... yay!!! And I'm glad to have a bunch of real awesome committee to back me up, together we can do this!!!



TO kick off, we had already arranged a couple of dance classes in IMU, hip hop and latin... hopefully more to come! And the classes were great. I joined both classes, and had lots and lots of fun with my friends there. Although I SUCK BIG TIME in Hip-Hop, the nights we spent sweating through our routines and laughing at each other's funniness totally ROCKS. And the late night drinks at the roadside mamak!!! ^_^


Latin wasn't a breeze either, in fact, it kicks ass! For one, it was Salsa, which I had totally NO IDEA how was that dance like. And the instructor was Mr. William, my sifu's sifu!!! Which is scareee!!!! Which means my sifu will know, what a DISGRACE I am. T__T


And as I expected, Mr William did tell her about me. They refused to tell me the contents, but I figured out it might not be anything good? And trust me, you wouldn't want to know how badly Sifu teased me when I got back to her. She's really ADORABLE. =P

And oh, she said she'll train me for medalist test, if I want. I had always though she never had plans for me, but she did. Maybe, after all these years, I had finally become more and more a student of hers?
Maybe, maybe. ^_^


In the meantime, I gotta enjoy my holidays to the VERY FULLEST!!! Imma getting my private lesson next Wednesday! *excited*
And studio's anniversary dinner is coming soon! *looking forward*

Life is just so wonderful when there is dance... ^_^

Changes

And again, changes.

Had been months since I was back in Ipoh.
I could barely recognize this place I call home, as my bus exited the Simpang Pulai toll. Took me awhile to figure out that the bus was indeed heading towards Medan Gopeng, given the new buildings all along the road that was once just trees or wooden houses.

So many changes, over just a few months! There is this new corporate park. And there are new city decor. There are more cars. There is more unfamiliarity.
Whoa, guess I really had been away for quite a while.


It isn't really time to blog now, for my End Of Semester exam is just round the corner. These days I had to constantly remind myself that this isn't holidays yet, just a study break.
That I would have to leave home yet again, about a week later, to face the dreaded exam.
That I still have loads to study, and so little time left.
That if I wanted my real holidays, I shouldn't sit back at all for this study break.


I miss home, I miss my family, I miss Ipoh food, I miss dancing, I miss sifu, I miss my guitar, I miss driving, I miss just every sight and smell here.

But this isn't time to enjoy them, just yet. T.T


And again, anatomy of the heart. I realized just how much I had forgotten. And to think that it was only months ago when I had learnt them all by heart. Afterall, how could someone not know their heart by heart?

Gotta work harder, gal. You are lagging behind.

There are so much work to cope with, it makes me tired, and makes me sick ever so often. Indeed, ever since I had been to IMU, I ALWAYS fell sick.

Mom has been worried. And I feel bad for making her worry about me all the time. Why couldn't I be like the others? Why couldn't I live life like a med school student, and still stay healthy as everyone else do? And I never even stayed up as late as the others, never even starved myself.
But still I fall sick more often then everyone else.

Life isn't fair, I've learnt to know.


I need to pass EOS. Have to. For myself, for my parents.

Even when my mum told me it's ok if I do fail, she'll let me learn dancing, and be a FULL-TIME DANCER like my Sifu... I WOULDN'T let that happen.

I really don't want to dissapoint my parents.


Father Lord, I pray that you'll help me through. I'm asking for a grace that I do not deserve, but dear Father, I will work hard. I will do my best, Father. Most of all Father, please bless me with a healthy body and mind. Pray that I will have the strength and wisdom that come from you, Father. To face these challenges of this exam, and not be afraid, nor be weary. For deep in my heart I know, that you'll be with me, every step that I take. I love you, Father.
Amen.

Now... back to nerding...
15 more days to EOS... T.T

CNY @ Home

CNY is going to end soon. And I seriously don't wish it to. For one main reason, you'll be gone after CNY. Back to where you were supposed to be, to get on with a life you were supposed to live.

But you know what? We were supposed to be together too. Supposed to be by each other's side...

But why do we have to end up like this?

Visited my Sifu during the forth day of CNY, just as I did last CNY. Time flies yea? It seems like just yesterday that I was there, playing with her little doggie and chatting away, and now again I am there, and a year had already passed.

And yes I noticed, we both grew. Not so much physically, but mentally. A year could really change a lot of things. And it was indeed a rough year for both of us, which I came to know as we shared stories. For more than 3 hours we talked on, about stories of life, of love, and most of all, dance. There was a lot of emo talk when it came to dance politics and some certain people.

For one, Sifu told me about more betrayals and unappreciative students. People who left, people who were greedy, people who betrayed trusts, people who take advantages of empathy and kindness, people who did not know how to appreciate good deed done for them... And throughout the conversation, I realized that Sifu had became a much much stronger woman than before. I remember when I first met her more than two years ago, she was this innocent, carefree, bubbly, cute personality that loves to help and give selflessly, always thinking of others more than herself, happy and contented, living life like a little princess in her very own fairy tale.

I guess that was then. Before she was forced to face the ugliness of the world, before she had to learn that life was never a fairy tale and people who are too good are usually the ones who got hurt the most. In a way, I'm glad she learnt. I'm glad she changed, hardened her heart, so as to protect herself from getting hurt over and over again. Glad that she finally realized, and that in future, hopefully she would not be scarred as she was before. For I love her, and wish her to be happy. But then again, I'm also furious, furious at the people and the world, for forcing her into this change.

You see, if not for them, she wouldn't have had to change at all.
And I do miss her old self, loads.

But at least, she forgave. She did not lock herself up in the prison of an unforgiving heart. Instead, she learnt, and moved on. For that, I'm really proud of her. ^_^


Guess I gotta buck up and move on too. CNY is ending, uni is starting. You are leaving, life without you is starting. Dance is reducing, schoolwork is increasing.
There's always a wonderful balance in this world isn't it? For everything lost, there are things replacing. For every end, there is a beginning.

And hopefully, for the better.
Yupz, together, let us hope for the better!!!

Day 76 - Dance Diary Part 3 - Of Samba and Puke?!

Having Latin two days in a row is darn tiring. In preparation for our Genting trip (yay!!!) from tomorrow till Friday, we somehow had to cram all our lessons with Sifu yesterday and today. And on top of that, Ballroom was tonight too. All these were what made my feet throb... even now.

Lesson learnt --- Never arrange Latin and Ballroom classes together on the same day if you are to learn techniques for both... It... KILLS. Both you, your feet and your partner... =p


For Latin, we started off with a new routine on Monday, after polishing up with our Cha Cha. It was Samba. I hadn't really learnt a lot of Samba, so I though this was a good chance to get myself more familiar with this hot Brazilian dance. Started off with some core strength and hips technique training, samba walk, criss-cross volta, bota fogo...

I find Samba a really captivating dance, very special in many ways. Firstly, it moves around the place a lot more than the other latin genres, and Samba is danced in an anti-clockwise manner. Secondly, the ladies are always on the outer circle, and the men in the inner circle. Many a time, the men are to be sort of a 'shadow' to the ladies. Thirdly, Samba needs nicely executed hips and stomach motions to bring out the personality of the dance, which I think is pretty similar to stomach churning.

And the stomach churning thingy din't do good to me as I had a heavy lunch, and after Samba-ing for half an hour or so, I seriously felt waves of nausea in every move I made. Thank God I actually managed to hold it all back and continued dancing for more than an hour, till the end of the lesson. But I looked really green in the face after all that.


Lesson learnt --- Never eat too much before dancing Samba. This is serious advice. You won't wanna puke all over the dancefloor!


Borrowed the latin clothes from Sifu. 4 similar tops, hand-made. They look nice to me, the four different striking colours on the same black base, complete with soft-flowing ruffles. But the tops were bareback, bare-tummy, bare shoulders... pretty bare all in all. I'm worried no one would dare to wear it... T.T Just hope I could gather enough dancers and train them in time for the coming CNY performance in IMU. It's just about three weeks away from now, and so far, Wei Jin and I hadn't had much preparations done yet, mostly due to Summative 1 & then the sem break in the way. But we decided we'd do some simple group Latin instead, so IMU folks, anyone interested?

*******

As for Ballroom, we finally got to proceed in our Waltz, doing whisks and chasses. But still, a lot of practice was required to get a hang out of it all. And did I tell you? I got myself a new pair of ballroom shoes! It was 2-inches heeled, closed-toed, gold, and made of soft materials. I love the glitter gold fire-tongue-like design at the back, giving a slight touch of glamour to the demureness of the shoes. And these shoes were softer than Latin's, so I got away from the night with only a blister near my soles, not bloody cut-lines. ^_^


*******

Packed for Genting and managed to catch episode 5 of SYTYCD Season 6. This season seems better than the previous, and the dancers seems more talented than ever. And most of the talents were much younger too, most of the good ones only just turned 18. Wow. And one thing I notice about auditions, the judges like to put great ballroom or contemporary dancers straight through to Vegas, but they hold back on great hip-hopers or dancers of other genres. Maybe they have doubts on the latter's versatility... I'm not sure.



I guess if I ever entered SYTYCD USA, I won't even get pass audition. Nigel wouldn't even let me dance for more than one minute. And the best thing Mary can say will be: "You're just not strong enough for this competition... I'm sorry. But keep working hard, and thank you for coming...!"



Lesson learnt --- As a dancer, grow in what you do, and try to be more versatile. I realized that I am sadly, not at all a versatile dancer, judging from the hard time I have going through adapting to Ballroom. As Raymond always say, " I DON'T WANT YOUR LATIN STYLE!!! THIS IS BALLROOM, NOT LATIN!!!" These days, I'd come to realize that on this journey, there are still loads I need to improve on. It never fails to amaze me, how there is such a wide horizon to dance, how there are such heights I am yet to explore... so much more.



If this journey has stages, then I'm an infant; new, amazed, excited but afraid. Would I ever be the strong, confident adult I would so wish to be?
I don't know.
But I'll grow.

And we'll see. ^_^



Genting tomorrow! Can't wait,
Christine

One Voice

Been pretty long I hadn't read the news. And as I flipped through a copy of NST in the lounge today, it is still as depressing as newspapers used to be. How many happy faces could you count in the papers? Maybe none except those of the celebrities on the entertainment section...

Political squabbles still going on; along with backstabbing and verbal wars. People killing and people dying--- Man found mutilated... Police seek 6 men in rape case... Boy drowns, another missing... Pilgrimage centres turn into sex hubs... scandal-tainted chief detective replaced...


It's too distressing to continue reading anymore. It reminds me of a line out of Billy Gilman's song - "And mum won't watch the news at night, there is too much stuff that's making her cry..."

Sometimes I wonder what had become of the world now.
We are seriously in need of salvation, O merciful Lord... A thousand prayers, a million words, will this one voice be heard?


It's raining outside. And I wish you a safe journey home. I wish I could go home too. It's been so long since I went back, and seriously I miss home. Guess I need to take a break and go home, just to rest and refresh my mind. Take a break, from all the weariness of life here. From all that weighs me down for all this time. And again, there's really no place like home...

The day before, I went out to some shopping mall. While queuing up to buy food, I had the time to observe the people around me. There was this scene I just couldn't erase from my mind: A richly dressed couple and a young boy came out of a toy shop, the boy happily holding a plastic bag containing a large Transformer toy. Not far from them, there was another boy, maybe a year or two older than him, staring admiringly back and forth from the shop to the kid with the new toy, before his mother came and hurried him away. He obeyed in silence, strange enough for a longing kid in front of a shop full of tempting toys. Judging from the way they dressed, I guess they were not really well off. What that I could never forget was the look on the boy's face when he took a last glance back again, as he was dragged off. There was something in his eyes that struck me hard, the sad disappointment and helpless understanding.

It brought me back to when I was young, and there was this big expensive toy dog in a shop window, one that I had always wanted but my parents wouldn't afford to buy. And one day I went to a classmate's house, and she has an exact same one, sitting on her big big bed.


It was those times that you couldn't help feeling sad and frustrated with the life that you had.

Some kids have and some kids don't, and some of us are wondering why...


Over the years, while tasting the bitterness of poverty, I had learnt to get used to lots of circumstances of not having what other kids have. But as learning goes, it was not always that easy. There were times when my parents had to give me a good spank to stop me from demanding. And over the course of time, I learnt to keep my mouth shut, and all my feelings to myself. Now that I think of it, I wonder if it was a good way for a child to grow. But still, I'm not going to complain of who I am made into today. At least, those were some experience not other kids could have.

And this time around, I've got something that they don't.


What's more, I learnt to appreciate and give thanks for every little thing that I have in life, maybe much more than them. For every little thing, I see them as a great blessing from God.

And indeed, I'll feel blessed.

A Prayer for Strength and Acceptance

To you,

I wish I were like you, talent-fully playing your mesmerizing music, not the clumsy girl struggling with her footwork.

I wish I were like you, looked up upon with admiration, not the invisible, insignificant wallflower.

I wish I were like you, louder, voicing yourself to where people would listen.

I wish I were like you, steadier, just the phlegmatic person I'd so wanted to be.

I wish I were like you, smarter, so as to reason the way I couldn't.

I wish I were like you, stronger, so as to stand up to what you believe.

I wish I were like you, sharper, clear of all your directions and purposes.

I wish I were like you, braver, much more capable.

I wish I were like you, less dependent, more dependable...

Very often, I'd just wished to be better than what I am now.

You'd always tell me that you could deal with things perfectly well yourself. And yes, you normally always do. Sometimes, you seems just so fearless, like you're not scared of anything at all. The strong sense of secureness I find in you, is what so often made me so in awe.

You see, in many ways, I too, wished that I could make it on my own. But when things just never turn out right, when problems just couldn't cease to arise, I lose faith and sadly to admit, I start feeling frustrated of myself. To be frank, I was never contented with myself.

**************************

Dear Lord, I'm so so sorry. Forgive me for times like this when I hate myself so much, even when I know so well that I shouldn't. Forgive me for being so childish, so unappreciative, so foolishly adamant. After all I am your creation, O Lord; I am your child. And I know that you'll still love me just the way I am.

So Lord, at times like these, teach me not to complain of what you did not make me into, but instead, give thanks for what you made me into. Shine your light on me and in me dear Lord, widen my narrow perspective and capacity, show me that I can still work your glory with this mere self that I am.

In days to come, grant that I may seek not so much of everyone else's acceptance but yours, Father Lord. No, it's not that I will not change; yes, I shall learn to improve on where I am lack in. Just that this time around Lord, I will change for you and your favor; not into whatever stereotype that others willed me to be. I simply want to grow in your very own special mould for me, for I know that's what my best is to be.

Here is my thought, this is my plea, I just want to come to you now dear Lord, and surrender myself to you whole and whole. And I pray that you will bring the best out of me. That in all I am, and all I do, it will be glorifying to your name. Grant me strength, perseverance, directions, courage, and confidence; for every part of me which are in the dark, guide them to your shining path. I pray that in this newness of life, you'll open up my eyes and let me see just what I am capable of, Lord. Now and forever, make me your instrument to play your wonderful music.

Lord, sustain me by your mercy and grace, in your name I pray,

Amen.

I wonder... and I've learnt

Even as a child I had been curious.
I used to wonder why the leaves are green, why the sky is blue.
Why the children can be so happy, why the adults can be so moody.
Why the kind old man next door always had a lot of visitors in his house, why the grumpy aunty down the street was always lonely.

And as I grow older, sometimes I wonder how this world came to be.
I wonder how God works, and how Satan works in this world.
I wonder how mankind on this earth, could be so different from each other.

And today. I'll talk about people. Yes, those class-A mammals/homo sapiens/complex beings with even complex mind/sinners... whatever you call them.

Throughout my 19 years of life, I've seen people. Lots and lots of people. Different people. And there are people I forgot, people I treasure, people who are worthy and unworthy. It might come out harsh, but still, UNWORTHY... what else could subtly describe that precisely? Perdón for my lack of vocabulary.

*******

I wonder how some people demand for respect when they themselves are not respecting others at all. Que ironia ven? Sadly funny, in a way. I always believe that respectable people will gain respect automatically. They don't even need to DEMAND for it if they proved themselves worthy.

The act itself is sometimes, as evil blow itself up in a pale parody of the human being, which only made us giggle like children at their foolish pomposity.
Why so?
Imprudente.

*******

I used to be sympathetic for outcasts, but I guess I gotta re-evaluate my notion. I'd came to see that there must be a reason to that. And very often, reasons that speak for themselves. Like there's this little mirror reflecting everyone's heart, if you take the time to read them, it's all pretty much self-explanatory.

~~~
Now I know why Sifu is so pretty. Her beauty comes from within. Reflected on that little mirror, I think. Brings radiance to her face.

And one thing, she never brags much.

Unlike some.

*******

When I was young, there was this counting song that every kindergarten kid knew by heart, "Ten Green Bottles"...
"So many!!!" my little cousin will say. Yeah, diez!!! It's all of your fingers together, kiddo!
That was then, you could when you're five years old.
But then again, now I'd seen some people who just never learnt to grow up. Lástima en ellos.

Dissapointing.

*******
Schadenfreude. Yes, haven't you met one before?

*******

Lesson learnt---Never to believe in anyone, except those who LOVE you. Not like, not close, not anything. Just love. Love that takes no account of sacrifices. Takes no account of anything.
And to be frank, there just ain't many out there.

One thing I'd say, life's lessons aren't normally enjoyable to learn. Unlike dance lessons. ^_^

*******
It's Monday again.
Yesterday's lesson was a drill. Yup, Sifu's back. No more chit-chatting or lazing around the barre. But I'm happy that Sifu's finally back.

Dumped our routine yesterday. Instead, we had warm-ups, that's what Sifu call them. I guess it's some new techniques she learnt from her 2-week China trip. Wow, and sure enough, some drilling it was!!! Techniques for cucuracha/hip movements, directions, centre point, Rhumba walk and all those spinning and twisting... continuous 10 minutes for each training. It was alright for the others, but imagine spinning for 10 minutes! We were stopping, bumping into each other and crossing tracks at 8 minutes. Were seeing stars and slumped to the floor at the end of the song.

So much for improving over the 2 weeks. Sifu was devasted. So it's the same dose of teasing, fired at almost everyone. Lolx.. at least, I wasn't the only one.

And we had a great time. Had great chats. Dance is a blessing. You are a blessing.


I think that for every bad that we had in our lives, we'll have good too.

God looks after His children. God gives us what is best for us.
God is fair. God is good. Amen!


And again, I've learnt.